Is my best friend ghosting me?

[Shazzo]

I left my job last year where I worked with my best friend. We met at work and have been best friends for five years and go on holiday and family events etc. Since I have left my best friend has hardly been in contact with me. In the past 8 months I have seen her twice. Due to mental health I haven’t been in contact with a lot of my friends. I told my friend I needed time alone and she didn’t reply now haven’t heard from her in three months. She’s constantly posted pictures of herself going out and I know she is always on her phone. I’m angry and upset. Before we stopped speaking to me I told her something really important and it took her three days to reply to my message which just makes me think she doesn’t care at all. Do I just leave it and move on?

You told her your needing time alone.
Sounds like she's respecting that

You're 😳😖

She thinks you don’t want to know her

She may be meaning to get in touch and letting things slide a bit - perhaps it was easier for her to keep the friendship going when you worked together. What would you like to happen?

But you told her you wanted space?

How come?

Yes I did think about this. I would like us to still be friends but I’m hurt at the way she has ignored me.

But you told her you needed time alone and “due to mental health” haven’t been in contact so I presume she feels pretty ghosted by you, actually. I know because I’ve been in that situation; a best friend ghosted me “due to mental health” and it’s utterly, utterly shit because there’s nothing you can say or do.

I’d say move on, she already has.

She’s giving you space like you asked. Maybe she things you’re the one distancing from the friendship.

How did you want her to respond to you telling her you needed space?

If someone told me they need some time 'alone' I would interpret that as them wanting to gently end the friendship and I would not contact them again. Although if they contacted me I would respond.

Or maybe you were work friends not lifelong friends iyswim and now that work connection has gone it's different. Some friendships are really of convenience not true connection, even those that seem really close and a lot of time is spent together. Eg baby group mums, school mums, work colleagues etc.

Acknowledgment of it. That’s what I would have done if I got a text like that.My other friends all acknowledged the text I sent said I needed space

You brought this on yourself. You ghosted first.

I’ve told her previously that I’ve needed time and she’s never completely ignored me before.

But yes I agree with that work friendships may not be proper friendships. She stills see other people from work who have left and she wasn’t as close so think it’s just me she doesn’t want to be friends with

I actually didn’t. Just after I left I would text her and she would take ages to reply but yet upload pics to her social media of being out. I work ask her if she wanted to do stuff but she would say she was busy. Due to mental health yes I may not have been in contact with my friends but I mean I would text once a week instead of everyday

To me if someone says they need space, that’s the whole conversation. Replying to it could be adding pressure for the other person. I would be very confused if someone then told me I was ignoring them. I hope you let go of any anger and find new connections though as I don’t think anyone is at fault

It might benefit you to understand that her life isn't about you. You told her you needed space, and she's pulled right back from you. It's a perfectly valid response. You don't have to like it; you don't have to like anything she does. You don't have to keep being her friend.

I've never known anyone contact several friends to say they need space... usually people just seem withdrawn or busy, when they've got stuff going on. It's quite self-centred to announce that you're feeling troubled. Perhaps she didn't like the drama?

I’ve told her previously that I’ve needed time and she’s never completely ignored me before.

So you've done the Greta Garbo before? How many times? Maybe she's had enough?

"Before we stopped speaking to me I told her something really important and it took her three days to reply to my message which just makes me think she doesn’t care at all." What did you tell her?

When I text my friends saying I needed space it was in reply to their texts asking if I was okay. So I don’t think that’s very self centred at all and find it really shows what kind of a person someone is when they make judgement about other people they do not know.

That my father who I’ve been estranged from had died

So she asked if you were ok before you explained that you were needing some space? You were responding to her query?

I’m our five years of friendship I told her once. Yes I can understand if it was a frequent thing

If you told her you want space, she is giving you space.
You must remember that once people drop off your radar, you often move on with life because life doesn't just stop. I suspect she has a lot going on and probably moved on to other people who are available. You have to remember that we are social animals, we need to be in "tribes". So if you aren't providing connection, someone else will. That sounds very harsh and at the same time fairly accurate.

I have two friends who I have seen consistently for years but other than that people come and go and that's okay. I will catch up with people when I see them but I can't be wasting my time wondering when they will be resurfacing. That said, it suits me and my friendships to dip in and out as needed/wanted.

Work friends are very transient from my experience. We all commit to "catching up sometime" and it rarely happens. I've kept in contact with 2 or 3 colleagues over a 20 year span of time; we all mean well but people have lives.

You've asked for space but at the same time stayed in regular enough contact every week or so? That's not needing space. That's being a bit me me me/dramatic with this grand announcement of needing space but also needing to be in contact. If I was her I wouldn't be bothered bending to all your terms - because that's what you're expecting essentially, don't contact me but be ready to respond to me when I contact you. It's a bit one sided and also disregarding that everyone else has their own shit.