Page 3 | Is my best friend ghosting me?

Shazzo · 2022-06-21T17:02:12+00:00

I left my job last year where I worked with my best friend. We met at work and have been best friends for five years and go on holiday and family events etc. Since I have left my best friend has hardly been in contact with me. In the past 8 months I have seen her twice. Due to mental health I haven’t been in contact with a lot of my friends. I told my friend I needed time alone and she didn’t reply now haven’t heard from her in three months. She’s constantly posted pictures of herself going out and I know she is always on her phone. I’m angry and upset. Before we stopped speaking to me I told her something really important and it took her three days to reply to my message which just makes me think she doesn’t care at all. Do I just leave it and move on?

Watchkeys · 21/06/2022 20:01

I would continually text her asking about life and she would take days to answer or ignore me

Why would you do this? Continually asking and not receiving a reply, and then saying you need space? I think I would have pulled back too, in her shoes. It's a bit full on, even for a close friendship, which it doesn't sound like you had, particularly.

Staffy1 · 21/06/2022 20:03

If you can still see pictures she posts obviously she isn’t ghosting you.

Original poster

Shazzo · 21/06/2022 20:12

Thepeopleversuswork · 21/06/2022 20:00

I think you have sent very mixed messages and you need to learn that people will take what you say at face value and not read your mind.

It’s hard to know how else to respond to someone saying they need space other than to withdraw. But you seem to have been expecting her to interpret this as you actually wanting more attention.

From what you have posted it sounds like you actually wanted to be at the centre of some drama and wanted all your friends to rally round you. But you have clearly done this before.

She may just be tired of the drama and not have time or emotional space for it. These sorts of friendships can be very draining and she might have just decided to use your “I want space” as an opportunity to step away from it for good.

I think you need to have an honest appraisal of how you conduct yourself in your friendships. Are you honest with your friends about what you need? Do you make grand gestures like saying you “need space” but not actually mean it?

It sounds quite me, me, me and immature and a lot of people have a very short fuse with this.

Thanks for feedback but I completely disagree. When you have depression being the centre of attention is the last thing you want. I have asked for space once before after my mother died as I was feeling very overwhelmed and needed time to grieve. One good natured friend however phoned the police to check on me as I was busy sorting the funeral arrangements and selling the house so didn’t have time to reply straight away. So the asking for space was my way of saying I was fine but needed time alone, and didn’t want the police coming to check on me again.

Have a lovely evening

OP posts:

Oblomov22 · 21/06/2022 20:23

This is not ghosting. By calling it that you are overreacting. You said you wanted space. She gave it to you. Now you're complaining?

Anon1717 · 21/06/2022 20:25

Saying this kindly - you might have been draining. It's better to vent to a therapist.

I've done the same at points. Therapy for a couple of months helped much more.

Largebutnotincharge · 21/06/2022 20:25

I have a friend that does this. Every time she does this I lose more and more respect for her.

You may see this as asking for space but your friend may see this as you picking her up and dropping her whenever it takes your fancy.

Original poster

Shazzo · 21/06/2022 20:36

Largebutnotincharge · 21/06/2022 20:25

I have a friend that does this. Every time she does this I lose more and more respect for her.

You may see this as asking for space but your friend may see this as you picking her up and dropping her whenever it takes your fancy.

I completely understand that. But in the fiver years of friendship this is only the second time that I have asked for space. Both times where I’ve needed time to grieve, it wasn’t over some superficial problem. Before this, we had a great friendship. But since I’ve left contact has been less and less from her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Shazzo · 21/06/2022 20:37

Anon1717 · 21/06/2022 20:25

Saying this kindly - you might have been draining. It's better to vent to a therapist.

I've done the same at points. Therapy for a couple of months helped much more.

Thank you I will look into it

OP posts:

88milesanhour · 21/06/2022 20:38

You told her you needed space.... I'm sorry OP but however much you love a friend and however much you want to be kind and supportive friend there comes a time in most people's life when they get too bored and tired of the drama and they simply have to focus on the right things. For me it was when we became parents. You have no desire to play mindgames with people who don't actually provide anything positive and just want their fragile ego massaging.

You told this girl you needed space therefore if you want the relationship to continue it's 100% YOUR responsobility to re-establish contact. I'm sure this friend still likes you and would probably be glad to enjoy your company but you need to invite this since it's you that blew her off initially. As much as I'm sure she still likes you I would wager that from the second you said that to her you became totally inconsequential to her life. What did you expect her to do sit around and mope and wait for a friend who esentially ghosted her to contact them again???? You kindof need a reality check IMHO sorry if that's harsh x

Original poster

Shazzo · 21/06/2022 20:53

88milesanhour · 21/06/2022 20:38

You told her you needed space.... I'm sorry OP but however much you love a friend and however much you want to be kind and supportive friend there comes a time in most people's life when they get too bored and tired of the drama and they simply have to focus on the right things. For me it was when we became parents. You have no desire to play mindgames with people who don't actually provide anything positive and just want their fragile ego massaging.

You told this girl you needed space therefore if you want the relationship to continue it's 100% YOUR responsobility to re-establish contact. I'm sure this friend still likes you and would probably be glad to enjoy your company but you need to invite this since it's you that blew her off initially. As much as I'm sure she still likes you I would wager that from the second you said that to her you became totally inconsequential to her life. What did you expect her to do sit around and mope and wait for a friend who esentially ghosted her to contact them again???? You kindof need a reality check IMHO sorry if that's harsh x

I completely understand that. When I asked for space I needed time to grieve, I didn’t want attention, I wanted the opposite and certainly didn’t need my ego massaged. But I guess death of a parent can create some drama and understand people not knowing how to react.

but thank you for your advice. I should say after the funeral I did send her a letter and flowers saying what a wonderful friend she was during our friendship but heard nothing back. But will take your advice onboard

OP posts:

88milesanhour · 21/06/2022 21:07

Shazzo · 21/06/2022 20:53

I completely understand that. When I asked for space I needed time to grieve, I didn’t want attention, I wanted the opposite and certainly didn’t need my ego massaged. But I guess death of a parent can create some drama and understand people not knowing how to react.

but thank you for your advice. I should say after the funeral I did send her a letter and flowers saying what a wonderful friend she was during our friendship but heard nothing back. But will take your advice onboard

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Well I'm very sorry for your loss but you've kindof just proven my point. You dripfed that information that was actually quite relevant, a cynical person might say for dramatic effect. It's this kindof thing that I'm referring to. I have friends like this and they don't mean it maliciously but it's exhausting. As the friend you're always tiptoeing round and wondering what the hell you're actually supposed to do in certain situations and whether anything will be good enough. I'm sure you're a lovely person and am truly sorry for your loss but I think you perhaps need to have a little awareness of how you come across and take some responsibility for it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Life's too short to do anything but...