Is it inappropriate to say this to the father of your children or acceptable?

[AnotherUser2]

Is it acceptable to tell the father of your kids that you are upset, struggling and crying over the fact he's had a baby with someone else?

Or is it just as inappropriate as telling anyone else in a relationship and doesn't matter that it's your children's other parent?

Parents been split up a long time, never married and the new baby is with dad's wife of 4 years (together 6).

It's inappropriate for her to be so vocal about it. She should deal with her own issues privately, especially 6 years on!

Well there you go, that's the explanation.

Might it be not about him having more children but about her own children now having a sibling relationship that she has nothing to do with. A new important part of their lives has come along and it completely exludes her. Even worse when she wanted to be giving them a sibling and cant.

I can understand that being tough but the saying it out loud to anyone other than a close friend/partner (not ex or social media!) just seems attention seeking and as you say, manipulative. Give it no more of your headapace if you can.

Feeling it, not unreasonable IMO, saying anything, absolutely unreasonable!

When my ex had a baby with his new wife, I had a few teary moments, not because I felt anything for him at all, we'd been split up years, had no kids together and it was me that ended it.

It was more of a nostalgic think back to years ago when we were young, happy together and I hoped we'd have a baby of our own. It would have been a godawful mistake if we did, and I'm glad we didn't but it still made me a bit wistful for younger me and what might have been.

Weird, frankly.

@AnotherUser2
I'm going to be going through this, I'm 12+6 weeks now after 4 miscarriages, dp ex she was with someone else and they have split up cause she told my dps sis she wanted another baby and he walked, so I know she is going to hold kids against him cause we r having what she wants. But I will leave dp to it not my zoo not my monkey lol.

The bones of it is she’s upset that he’s happy, moving on and making commitments that are not to her. Yes it’s totally unreasonable, unkind and possessive. Do people occasionally have unkind thoughts, revel in others misery? - yes but they usually don’t crow about it and just because he has children with her doesn’t make it acceptable.

I think this is the best response. He needs to keep things neutral, no feelings, just I am expecting to see my children as per the agreed contact schedule.

It's not appropriate to make these feelings known but it's perfectly understandable to feel apprehensive about the dynamic of new half siblings for your own children.

Hopefully she'll look back in a week or so and absolutely cringe with embarrassment.

Wanting a baby and not being able to have one is a horrible position to be in.

This basically. Have some compassion for her, you get to have your wonderful baby and she doesn't. She's allowed to feel sad about that. Yes, it's inappropriate to focus on her ex (as the one who 'could have' given her another baby had things worked out differently), but emotions are not logical.

You need good boundaries with her, but try to be gentle.

Playing devils advocate a bit, I suspect she's worried her kids will now have to play second fiddle to their new sibling, and financially their dad won't support them as much. Whilst this may not be the case here, p look entry of women are posting on Mumsnet complain their ex's abandon their original children when they have a new family. She is fearing the worst

She's hardly worried about her Ex giving less time to her DC if she's already trying to reduce their contact with him.

Feelings are feelings I guess?

How embarrassing for her!

I could understand feeling a twinge of sadness for what might have been but posting it on facebook and telling your ex is weird.

My ex who would never ever commit to me and made me feel like he was ashamed of me was married 18 months after we split with a baby soon after. I felt a twinge of upset - why was he so unwillinging to do even the most basic things for me yet married her? However I gave my head a wobble, thanked my lucky stars that I am with my wonderful DP and moved on. I would never have considered contacting him or posting it on Facebook.

I would be pissed off if my ex had a baby but only cos he's fucking useless really to our son and doesn't pay ANY maintenance so I would be wondering how he could afford it to but I wouldn't be crying, would just tell him he's a selfish prick.

Is your husband a good dad to the kids? Does he pay and do half the parenting and donkey work or just weekend fun? That would make a difference to her reaction.

She’s already got at least 2.

Is your husband a good dad to the kids? Does he pay and do half the parenting and donkey work or just weekend fun? That would make a difference to her reaction.

Yes they are here 50%