to expect DH to be more supportive of me now I'm pregnant?

mylittleponey · 15/01/2008 10:34

could you make the meal instead so you can put what you want on your plate?

Original poster

Chequers · 15/01/2008 10:35

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

lucyellensmum · 15/01/2008 10:43

Is this guy for real? How DARE he treat you like this. He should be looking after you. Stupid, ignorant pig!! sorry, but his behaviour is inexcusable and controlling.

We are broke, and i mean broke!! My DP wouldnt DARE berate me for being a "fussy" eater. As, he would end up wearing the wasted food as a suit.

Make a stand NOW - totally unacceptable.

chrissnow · 15/01/2008 10:43

god help him when the baby comes and is weaning and spits his food in his face!!! You don't know waste until babies start eating (throwing/smearing . . . .)
I think you need to keep telling him. Show him similar threads on MN, show him books on pregnancy, explain it won't be forever (hopefully only another 4/6 weeks!).
I had bad nausea for 19 weeks. All I could stomach was noodles, plain crisps and jacket pots with cheese . Someone bought me cripsy creme donuts in the height of my sickness and I've never been able to eat one since!!! My tastes changed later on in pregnancy and I was crazy for fish, strawberries and white choc (not together)It does weird things to you.

chrissnow · 15/01/2008 10:44

Oh yeah if my approach doesn't work. Go with lucyellensmum!!!

bubblagirl · 15/01/2008 10:47

maybe in his own way he is trying his best to look after you

men feel pretty redundent when your pregnant and dont really know what to do as they dont understand

my dp and myself for the first 3 mths was terrible as i couldnt stand the smell of him even if he was fresh lol

its alot for a man to take on as we change and they no longer no what to do just accept his trying to make sure you eat right as you are carrying his dc and he loves you both

maybe sit him down and explain how you feel and ask for his support you cant expect him to understand what he doesnt know

we are the ones who change a million times throughout preganancy always complain they are not doing this and that

when my dp and i sat down i felt so sorry for him as realised i just expected him to understand when a man is never going to

but they need as much support in knowing how we are feeling so they know how to handle it pregnancy affects them too

ComeOVeneer · 15/01/2008 10:49

"I don't say anything but get a complete bollocking when I don't eat it."

You are a grown adult, what right does he have to tell you off?!?!?

flack · 15/01/2008 10:55

"trying to be really careful with not throwing food away etc."

So what happens to the food you don't eat? Do you really just bin it? Whatever happened to eating leftovers???? You can't be that skint if you're too proud to eat leftovers; I know someone with 4 kids who finishes off everyone's breakfast cereal (okay, I can't do that either, but I can understand why he does). Leftover Veg (for instance) can go into stew, lasagne, casseroles, rissoles, omelets...

chrissnow · 15/01/2008 10:59

flack: please come over to food in a minute you may be able to help me out!!!
(chequers: sorry for hijack!!)

juuule · 15/01/2008 11:05

Is he your dh or your father?
Are you his daughter? Why can't you make your own tea until the sickness passes? Are you very ill that you can't make your own food?
I'm not sure I understand this situation at all.

kekouan · 15/01/2008 11:07

Throw up on him, that'll stop it.

Sorry, not very helpful of me but no, YANBU.

MrsTittleMouse · 15/01/2008 11:23

He's being a complete nutter. What you're going through is completely normal. I used to find that the process of cooking would completely put me off the food I'd made, and I can count on the fingers of one hand what I could actually bear to eat (and keep down). I've had conversations with friends where we decided that it was one of the worst aspects of pregnancy; the fact that we never enjoyed food throughout.
He hasn't been reading one of those uber-healthy pregnancy books has he. One of the ones where they say "if cravings are what the baby needs then you'll be craving broccoli"? He needs a swift talking to TBH. He can't continue with this attitude or he'll be dragging you out for "healthy exercise" when you're 8 months with SPD. You are carrying your and his child, therefore you are the one whose needs must be met right now.

Pelafina · 15/01/2008 12:11

Message withdrawn

Lauriefairycake · 15/01/2008 12:26

agree with what everyone has said but I'm also wondering if he's really scared financially of having a baby and is acting up over wasting broccoli cos he's terrified he can't afford a child/has to provide for a child.

Of course if he's just a twat then ignore me trying to look for a reason

I'm presuming he was a loving, caring husband before or has he always been 'bollocking' you ?

lizandlulu · 15/01/2008 12:29

it does sound very controlling. to not be able to eat different meals is odd.
no disrespect to you as i know what it is like to a degree, to have a controlling hubby, but this does seem exsessive

constancereader · 15/01/2008 12:30

Yes, I'm worried about the 'complete bollocking' - was this a turn of phrase or an accurate assessment of his attitude? If it was the latter he needs to realise that to speak to you like that is unacceptable. Is he trying to get you to eat healthily for the good of your baby? My dh was ALWAYS trying to get me to eat my greens when pg, but never in a nasty way.

worzsel · 15/01/2008 13:51

Your Husband told you off for not clearing your plate ? Blimy, If Df tried that he's get a bollocking and a half. Is he your Husband or your Father ?

Original poster

Chequers · 15/01/2008 14:14

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

juuule · 15/01/2008 14:27

Would you be okay then if you just grazed now on whatever you fancy when you fancy it?
If so, could you explain to him that you would feel a lot better that way? Tell him to leave you to your own way of eating at least until the baby is born or you feel like eating meals again.

I know that sickness/nausea is crippling for some women. Is that what is happening with you?

Also, depending on how heavy something is, you can lift as you would normally even though you are pregnant. I did avoid lifting some heavy things in the early weeks after having several m/cs but that was more for my peace of mind. After that it was business as usual until it got awkward at the end.

blueshoes · 15/01/2008 14:29

chequers, a crash course in pregnancy is a must for your dh!

It seems to me that if dh is not familiar with the symptoms of pregancy, he should at least give you The Benefit of the Doubt. If you say you can't lift, how dare he say "don't be stupid ..."!!!

I never got morning sickness with my 2 dcs, but that does not mean that if any expectant lady says she is feeling naseous, that I dismiss it because I never felt it or she was not showing or because I was ignorant.

I am a bit concerned with the way your dh communicates with you - "stupid", bollocking", "fussy", in your delicate condition.

I am APPALLED at the way he speaks you. It is not respectful or IMO normal. You are the mother of his child. If he is like this now, I dare not think what he will be like when the baby is here. Sorry, I am not much help to you. But your dh as some issues.

mrsruffallo · 15/01/2008 14:43

No, YANBU. He sounds controllinfg and mean sprited. You will probably have lots of conflict with him once the babies born so you may as well start sticking up for yourself now

Original poster

Chequers · 15/01/2008 15:05

Message withdrawn

OP posts:

juuule · 15/01/2008 18:10

Your welcome Very wise to steer clear of very heavy items of furniture whether pg or not
Hope the sickness settles soon and you get your appetite back.

dustbuster · 15/01/2008 19:35

Poor you! "Morning" sickness is so grim. I think it's hard for men to understand just how horrible it feels, and that you might feel like eating something one day and then not be able to face it again. Or that something might seem like a good idea when you're shopping and then disgusting once you get home. I know my partner really struggled with this stage of pregnancy, and wasn't as supportive as I would have hoped. TBH, I think he was a bit freaked out to see me so low and depressed, and kept on saying "you WANTED to get pregnant". I think he thought I had changed forever!

Once the worst of the morning sickness was over, and I got a bit back to normal, he seemed so relieved, and now (I'm 32 weeks) he is being absolutely brilliant and keeps telling me to rest and slow down.

So don't despair, it seems to take some men a while to get their head round the whole pregnancy concept, esp. when you don't look pregnant (apart from being green around the gills).