Definition of single parent

[Perfect28]

To think that single parent means the other parent is not on the scene at all, or very rarely? I feel like this is often used to mean split from the other parent. To me this makes you a co-parent. How do you define single parent?

@MarciaMarciaMarcia don’t be a dick love 🤣

I have DS11 50/50. He does a week with me, and a week with exh. I classify myself as a co parent.

To me, a single parent is one whom looks after her children more than 80% of the time.

A lone parent is one with zero contact with the other parent.

Thanks for this.
Yes, we do plan to join him at some point, so it is temporary.
However, his family is in a different continent than either of us so not much help and I do work. I moved us to a new country, found us somewhere to live and take care of all the day to day stuff.

I am not trying to make this a race to the bottom. I know many people have it a lot worse than me. It's not a competition.

The question was how do you define a single parent and I answered as someone who makes all the parenting decisions and is responsible for the day to day stuff.

🤔

It's not a competition.

No it's not.

It's also not a comparison.

You're not a single parent. At all.

However challenging it is, you have no idea how hard it is to being doing it on your own, with no option to share the emotional load.

I call myself a single parent. My exh never has the dc's who are now teens overnight.
Most weeks he sees them after school once a week for 3.5 hours. Sometimes twice. Most weekends he sees them for at least 4 hours. Now and again he will have them for a day eg 9.30-5. Some weekends last minute he tells me he cant have them at all.

That's incorrect. A single parent means you simply are raising a child without a partner!
Not father..

OP would of been better asking people's co parenting situations because I'm sure it would vary quite greatly you can't assume.

It is the type of comment you expected because it is true, as a single parent I have no partner overseas or otherwise to support me if I cant pay my mortgage, my ex doesnt even pay child support. I was all alone in a&e a few weeks back and nobody to turn to for comfort who understood how worried I was for my son (I suspect your husband would be there for you in those times). I go to bed alone not knowing if I will ever have the happy family life I always hoped for for my son with the stability he needs and a new partner who would treat him the way he deserves. I worry about money, about every decision I make and there is nobody to bounce this back from or help me make the decisions. You also dont have to say goodbye to your child every other weekend and miss them terribly for several.days. my son went on holiday for 2 weeks with his dad recently and the worry of it nearly killed me not to mention how horribly I missed him. Ex drives to fast and handing him over worries the life out of me but I have to do so as he is his father. There are so many things you dont understand about being a single parent and no it's not a race to the bottom or a competition but its fucking insensitive to call yourself one

I am in a new relationship so not single but I am a single parent. I look after my DC 4 full days and the morning and the evening of the 3 days the DC's dad sees them. I look after them in all that time on my own, unlike when together with their dad we looked after them together. Yes, I co-parent but I also to the vast majority of the parenting.

I don’t think trying to understand what a single parent is, equates to a ‘race to the bottom’. Of course people have different life experiences, but it’s a bit ridiculous and offensive to describe yourself as a single parent (which holds connotations of carrying the bulk of family work alone) when in fact that is not the truth. Often single parents are afforded understanding because it’s so much more difficult bearing that weight alone. It’s offensive to use such a term when you don’t carry the bulk of family work (including providing money) and you’re not single because you are minimising other peoples struggle and getting sympathy that you don’t deserve.

I’ve had millionaire colleagues with husbands that work long hours describe themselves as ‘single parents’ and whinge about how stressed and busy they are. They live on another planet!

Doing all the thinking, all the planning, all the decisions, all the school runs, all the pack lunches, all the admin, all the parents evenings, all the activities, all the driving around ... with no one to help ever, and no one to even moan about it to later that night.

Picking up one of your kids for 6-24 hours a fortnight whilst paying minimal child maintenance, does not make a co-parent.

@daffodilandtulip exactly you hit the nail on the head!

My ex is still “on the scene” in the sense that we see him once a fortnight and he buys DD clothes. He pays no support and does no childcare. I also have a partner who I don’t live with but who is in practice more of a father than biodad.

I still define myself as a single parent because I pay for all aspects of my daughter’s upkeep and do 90% of her childcare and life admin (that which I don’t do is done by my partner not my DD’s dad). I don’t think this is particularly controversial. The buck stops with me for everything.

@daffodilandtulip Perfectly said.

I am a single parent. DS's dad has him two nights a week while I work the late shift (he once told me how lucky I was that he had MY kid so I was ALLOWED to work 😂). He picks him up from after school club around 5.30-6pm, gives him his tea and DS goes to bed around 8-9pm. He brings him home for 7am before he goes to work. All he does is his tea and spends around 8-10 hours per week with him (and pays the bare minimum maintenance he can) because DS is asleep the majority of the time he is there. He doesn't deal with any of the nitty gritty parenting tasks, nor does he care to offer to.
That's not co-parenting. I'm proud to be a single mum because I know I'm the one doing everything for my son to make his life the best I can, and I think it's really shitty when people try to say you're not a single parent because your DC sees their dad. Being present doesn't make you a parent.

Don’t forget the widows. Properly solo. Definitely single, alone, lonely.

Marcia - SMH. I get that your situation is probably lonely and challenging but my god, no, you’re not a single parent. You made me think though. A big part of being a single parent is having gone through some trauma most of the time and having to get through that alongside doing everything alone. EVERYTHING. For me it was my husband’s suicide. For others it will be a relationship breakup of varying complexity. I don’t have anyone to share my DC’s achievements and milestones with. No com

…pant on birthdays/Christmas. No one there for emotional or financial support. No one on the other end of the phone. Etc. etc. etc. etc.

A single parent is a parent who is single i.e not in a long term relationship.

A single parent can also be a co-parent if other parent is still involved in the Childs life

A single parent can also be a lone/solo parent.

All these labels are not independent but are coexisting

You are absolutely not a single parent.

Single parent is when you’re single and a parent. So you don’t have a partner, but you have children.

When the other parent of your children is not around/ involved at all, then you’re a line parent.

If you’ve remarried/ got a new partner, you’re not a single parent even though you’re not with your children’s other parent.

Lone parent, not line

PS you absolutely are not a single parent if you’re still in a relationship with your children’s other parent, even if they work away. Especially not if you’re actually married to them.

It’s quite insulting for someone in that situation to call themselves a single parent.

There’s a whole spectrum of single parenting. Playing single parent top trumps is just pointless.

@MarciaMarciaMarcia do you not consult your husband about decisions? If the children got rushed to hospital would your husband not get a flight to be with his child?

Presumably you call your husband for emotional support and advice? Does him being away now make him a bad husband?

Being a married (whilst in a relationship) single mother doesn't exist... you will recieve a few funny looks dropping that line! CHRIST 🤣🤣

This!

I'd say I'm a lonely parent to my eldest - she hates her dad and sees him under sufferance once a month. He pays zero child support. I'm a single parent to my younger daughter - her dad is involved-ish but doesn't have overnights. Pays bare minimum child support. To me co parent is 50/50 or thereabouts