Definition of single parent

[Perfect28]

To think that single parent means the other parent is not on the scene at all, or very rarely? I feel like this is often used to mean split from the other parent. To me this makes you a co-parent. How do you define single parent?

Yup - my ex is the same - he only has the youngest now - 3 nights a week - and yes while there he takes her to school etc - but he doesn't see the eldest much as they fell out, middle one doesn't stay at his either (both older teens) and I do all the cooking, washing, cleaning for them plus littlest 4 days a week, all hospital, GP, medicine orders, dentists, trips to uni open days, parents evenings, summer holidays, lifts to and from work, exam stress, friend drama, etc.

He would say we 'co-parent' which is nice - he does a bit with one child

But we get on okay and he has always paid maintenance - so not all bad

I class myself as a single parent mainly because I do 95% of the actual parenting!

OP I would say a single parent is a parent who's literally that: a parent who is single. Though there is a kind of implication that they are the main carer when the term is used a lot of the time.

I would say a parent who looks after the child(ren) with very little input, or none at all, from the other parent, could also be described as a lone parent, or a solo parent. I think the latter sounds less negative (lone sounds so similar to the word lonely).

I class myself as a single parent. 5 children with exH, he sees 4 of them (eldest wants nothing to do with him) eow and that’s the total of his contribution to parenting. He pays no maintenance, has no input in their day to day life, no parents evenings, no doctors appts, I do everything apart from his 2 days a fortnight and that’s them forgotten about till next time as he’s done his bit.

Why do I have no idea what being a single parent is like?
My dc haven't seen their dad in 9 months. He is not on the same continent as us.

Obviously I mentioned that he is supporting us, so this is the type of comment I expected.

Thanks all. It's interesting to see that there's no single agreed definition so I'm not alone in that. Clearly it's not when your partner is working away. For those saying 'not this again' I think you're a bit rude tbh, I'm not aware of people asking this all the time or I wouldn't have asked. Not every experience in life is unique 🙄

By these definitions I am a lone parent, but if he had been forced to pay CM does that makes me a single parent?

Interestingly, I define myself as a single parent because I am not married and exH is no longer involved, but I think that even if I remarried… I would still feel a single parent to my child as all the responsibility of raising DS up and providing for him is on my shoulders no matter how good a new partner is with him.

You are not a single parent. How bloody insensitive of you

Why do I have no idea what being a single parent is like?

Because you are not one.

I'm sure it's v difficult with your DH away. But you are still married, you have his financial & emotional support, even though the practical part is falling to you at present.

And he will come back, I assume?

Marcia, because there is light at the end of the tunnel, his absence is temporary, because you have someone you can rely on or on his salary if things go wrong, because you know you can trust your ex or his family to care for the kids if you are gone. You have none of that peace as a single parent.

My exH was travelling with work most of the time, I was just holding the fort while he was away… while providing for us. As a single parent, my child and I would be in severe hardship within 2 months if I lost my job. The level of responsibility is soo different from having a husband abroad.

Back in the dark ages, a "single parent" meant a parent who is single.

If you lived with a partner you weren't single, so you weren't a single parent.

(Of course, back then children got a new surname when their divorced mother remarried)

Agree. So boring and divisive when everyone has their own struggles. It's not a race to the bottom.

Most angry ex wives

This

Presumably you've talked to him? Discussed things? Got support/had someone to off load to when things are tough?

that's why you have no idea.

Anyway, who gives a shit what the "definition" is? It's tedious. It isn't Top Trumps.

Me! I am a single parent. Lone parent. Whatever. Father hasn't seen dd since she was six months old, now court ordered that he's not allowed anywhere near either of us. Thank fuck.
I am alone. Totally and utterly alone. No support. No break. Allllooooonnnne.
I find the term 'single parent' and even 'lone parent' very derogatory. Even though I haven't done anything wrong. Except not know he was an abusive arsehole before it was too late.

Yup!

Also - @MarciaMarciaMarcia if your house falls down, your boiler breaks, you get hit by a bus - I am guessing your DH will help you sort it out - it's not all down to you - you have no idea!
@BlueAce73 I am a very very happy ex-wife - sorry!

No one supports me, not financially not physically not emotionally. I parent alone. Of course you don’t have a clue, and it’s insensitive to suggest otherwise. It all lies on me with no one to back me up ever. Your husband working away is so not the same thing. You also do not have the stigma of being a lone parent, judged by society, you are married ffs.

So if I've got no mortgage I'm not a single parent?
"People who menstruate" much?

Why can't bloody obvious terms stay bloody obvious? Why does it have to be a race to the bottom? Why the fuck do we need these stupid lines in the sand that tear us down instead of supporting each other? A "single parent" could have their own family watching the kids 3 days a week and overnights at weekends and someone whose husband works abroad could be the only person responsible for their kids with no support from anyone else. People who have split from their ex's don't have the monopoly on hard lives.

@MarciaMarciaMarcia I'd class you as a single parent if you've ever sat in A+E while they're trying to admit one of your children but they can't because the other one(s) has no one to go with because you're on your own to all intents and purposes. Or a bunch of similar situations I suspect you've had to deal with by yourself.

Please stop doing this. Others have laid out exactly why your context is miles apart.

THIS

I consider myself a single parent. By your definition, OP, I am a coparent but that does not accurately describe my situation. My ex is on the scene and consistently so but it is me that has taken full time responsibility for the care of our children, their childcare, their school uniforms, shoes, haircuts, hospital,appointments, time off sick,etc. etc, etc. my ex has not paid a penny towards their upbringing since separation. I parent as a single person with all the responsibility that brings.

Frankly, it’s my life and if a person with a penis is able to call themselves a woman, I am able to define my own situation and relationships as I see fit.

erm a roof can be fucking RENTED - looking for offence where there is non to be found there really

Plenty of not single mums waiting in A+E alone as their partners are working etc - so no it's not the same - I was the one who took 3 months leave when OUR daughter has a life altering illness - not her father who was working and not there - I am a single parent

Most angry ex wives

ehat is that supposed to actually mean?

Also I generally don’t care how you define yourself, I go between single and lone, but I draw the line at currently married/together with the other parent people using either of those terms.