Hearing ‘I’m so tired’ every night

[Sickofhearingit77]

Dp, that’s all he ever says, I’ve realised he says that in the same voice nearly every night after work and at weekends, either that or he feels ill.
Even Dd, 4 asks me if daddy will be too tired to play tonight/this weekend on a regular basis. He mainly says to her ‘I’m sitting down for a minute’ but *All the time.
I get it, I’m tired too…but this is life, isn’t it?
I’m realising just how negative he is, he just doesn’t seem to see the positive in things or want to embrace things and have a good time…ever.
Fathers day was miserable, I made lots of things with Dd and packed a picnic to take on a boat trip to an island. He was late getting ready and moaning about, being tired, clearly didn’t want to go and spent the rest of the day being irritable with dd

Anyone in a similar predicament?

Could he be depressed?

Btw, I’m not unsympathetic, I’ve just heard this so often and no attempts to stop smoking, drinking so much coffee etc…complains he can’t sleep but drinks multiple coffees per day. Dd is ill at the moment and it just feels like I’m looking after two kids

Is this who he usually is, or is this something new?

are you open to considering he’s having a mental health episode, or are you simply looking for like minded folk to bash him on an open thread?

Get him some magnesium tablets

I agree it’s depressing hearing this all the time but maybe he is really tired? If he keeps saying it I’d be asking why he is so tired and suggesting he sees a doctor. Is he sleeping ok? Does he snore? How’s his diet, exercise?

I'm so sorry, that's incredibly exhausting for you to be around. Is there a possibility of depression? And has this gradually been building over time or do you think on reflection he's always been a bit this way?

But is there something wrong with him? Does he snore or have sleep apnoea? I would want to rule out things like that (or depression) before I started getting annoyed with him.

My DH and I have banned saying that we’re tired except in extreme circumstances. Parenting young children is very tiring but it’s also boring having to hear each other go on about how tired they are.

But really it just sounds like he doesn’t like playing with her. Is he bored rather than tired?

Thyroid issue, low B12, low folate, undiagnosed Diabetes, low vitamin D are all medical -and not uncommon-issues that can cause men to feel tired. I’ve even known a few men with low iron, although usually older men tbf.

maybe next time he says he’s tired suggest he discusses it with a GP to rule out any underlying issues.

Thyroid especially causes fatigue but a cruel inability to sleep.

He should get a check up with the GP, and I second the idea of a magnesium supplement.

I say ‘I’m so tired’ about 5 times a day. You’d hate me

Sounds like there's something wrong with him

Thinking about it now, he’s always sort of been like this and it makes me feel the same way. I’ve said numerous times to go to the doctor, to try to cut out the smoking, coffees etc, to go to bed at a normal hour, I’m tired of saying it now as no action is taken. I have my own health issues too but have to just get on with it. I do almost everything around the house, he works yes but then sits down when home and doesn’t have to do anything else, I never stop

Don’t want to jump to any conclusions but, from experience with depression I used to use the “I’m so tired” to try and hide how I was truly feeling. Numb. Alone. Didn’t want to carry on with life.

Irritability is also a sign of depression.

It’s a shame you’ve not enjoyed Father’s Day but I’d have a sit down chat with him and ask him how he’s truly feeling in himself. Not an interrogation, be open to listening to him. Mens mental health has such a stigma.

I do almost everything around the house, he works yes but then sits down when home and doesn’t have to do anything else, I never stop

thats a choice

@Beggingforsleep Yes, same here, I used to say it all the time too and then realised we’ve really fallen into this negative, blah pattern of always saying it, always complaining etc, so I’ve tried to stop it and understand that of course we’re tired (Dd is very full on and tiring) but that this is life and to try to enjoy things at least some of the time.

I’ll assume there isn’t a massive backstory to be drip fed.

but ongoing extreme fatigue could be for all sorts of mental or physical health reasons. Are you open to exploring these reasons or would you just like a LTB hun type response.

by the way did you have an indication from him that he’s the sort who’s likely to enjoy a picnic on a boat trip away from home for Father’s Day? Often I find people arranging these “activities” and plans for various occasions and being heartbroken at less than enthusiastic reception.

At ours for instance where both spouse and I are bone tired from FT careers and 2 under 6 years old, we had a very lazy day. Some presents in the morning, swim with kids and a burger takeaway for dinner. We spent all day just pottering around the house and garden really. He had a 2 hour nap in the afternoon. I pottered about making a DIY birdbath. Kids mucked about. Perfect Father’s Day. An organised day out would possibly have been followed and complied with but we are both tired!

so - investigate the causes and maybe go easy on lots of planning activities here and thete

@SavoirFlair It would be a shit hole otherwise and there’s really no point in trying to get him to do more when he already complains of being tired, I get it, I’m exhausted.

@Beaucoup We’ve had days like that for weeks on end now, I thought it would be good to get out of the house and try to enjoy life a little

Okay -

how’s his sleep? Does he snore? In which case he gets shoddy quality sleep that doesn’t actually leave him rested

what’s his diet like?

has his thyroid/vitamin D/ iron ever been tested?

Would he agree to see a Gp to get basic bloods done?

what’s his work like? Is he happy/overworked?

will he have a conversation with you about this and it’s effects on you?

What hours are you both working, what's the commute and what does you both do?

That's a major factor in the question for me!

THIS…

I have B12 deficiency, low folate, low vit d and Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. I spent years saying I felt awful before seeing an endocrinologist which has been life changing. In this time I saw several GPs who kept suggesting I was just depressed. Even now my husband does have to live with my expressing how tired I am, probably daily, but because we now both appreciate why I’m always fatigued it’s more easily managed with light hearted “so, what’s new?” Type responses or saying to the toddler “uh oh mummy needs a nap”
it’s crazy hard feeling like a mad person because there’s so much “wrong” in your body but knowing you’re too exhausted to try and manage it.

@MichelleScarn I'm a Sahm, back to work in September (teacher) he has a physical job-8.30-5 Mon-Fri

I do almost everything around the house, he works yes but then sits down when home and doesn’t have to do anything else, I never stop

Do you do the cooking too? He might find the energy to move if the alternative is going hungry.

I don't have a lot of sympathy for this, tbh. He hasn't been to the doctor to try to work out if there is a genuine issue and he hasn't acted on any of your suggestions. So it sounds like an excuse to get out of parenting/chores to me. Most parents of young kids are tired.

@ChocolateHippo This is it, I’ve said so many times to go to the doctor, now I don’t know what to say anymore, is it selfish that I’m now sick of how it makes me feel depressed too.