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Original poster

Do I say something or keep out of it? Ex and wife

60 replies

ExQuestion1 · 19/06/2022 17:25

Two kids with ex, we have 50:50 shared custody. He also has a child with his wife.

basically ex doesn't really do a lot with the kids. Doesn't take them away on holiday or to do anything over the weekends/holidays for example. They spend most of their time there not really doing much or kicking a ball about or whatever.

it seems like their half sibling though is always out doing fun things. Kids have just come home and said step mum and half sibling are off on holiday next week (they seem to go all the time). It bothers them that their half sibling seems to get to do a lot more in that house, loads of fun trips, treats, holidays.

but I don't know whether I should say anything but my ex isn't going. In my mind I'm thinking if they can afford for step mum and their little one to go all the time (the reason is always he cant X or Y but she never seems to have trouble affording anything for their little one) couldn't they save up and take everyone?

or is it just nothing to do with me and I should be telling my kids to ignore it?

OP posts:
Original poster
ExQuestion1 · 19/06/2022 17:26

I've not doubt that it's probably step mum doing all of this stuff with their little one by the way but the kids don't always see it like that.

OP posts:
Sniffypete · 19/06/2022 17:26

If he was going as well I'd be having words, but if he's staying at home, then it's nothing to do with you. She's probably paid for herself. Just keep out of it.

Mamiamamia · 19/06/2022 17:29

I don’t want to sound harsh, but it is none of your business what the new wife does with their child.

So long as he is paying maintenance and caring for the children during his time with them, it is about the time spent together that is important not flashy holidays and days out.

Onlyrainbows · 19/06/2022 17:32

I go on holidays with my kids (paid by me) and my DH doesn't come with us. His exW has never said anything and the kids understand that it's difficult to afford the same type of holiday for a family of six.

JuneJubilee · 19/06/2022 17:33

It's hard on your kids seeing their Dad's other child going away & having fun days out, but just continually remind them the child is with its MUM, not their shared Dad, just as they do things with their MUM (you) & you don't take her kid.

sounds like he's not learnt much from your relationship!! Fuckwit.

RedPlumbob · 19/06/2022 17:34

It’s shit, but it seems the wife is going ALONE with her DC - cos he’s a shit, lazy Dad to all of his kids. Not just yours.

IncompleteSenten · 19/06/2022 17:35

You need to explain to your kids that their mum does stuff with her child just as you do stuff with them. That you wouldn't take her child on holiday because that's not your role. And she doesn't have that role with them.

You should talk to your ex about him doing fun things with his children. And plan fun stuff for you to do with them.

IncompleteSenten · 19/06/2022 17:36

Their mum as in the other child's mum

User354354 · 19/06/2022 17:36

RedPlumbob · 19/06/2022 17:34

It’s shit, but it seems the wife is going ALONE with her DC - cos he’s a shit, lazy Dad to all of his kids. Not just yours.

This seems a pretty accurate sum up of the situation

Scarlettpixie · 19/06/2022 17:36

If he was repeatedly going on holiday with his new family and not taking your kids I would say something. However if he is staying at home it is really none of your business, nor is how they manage their finances (which they may keep separate). Do you take them on holiday?

RandomMess · 19/06/2022 17:42

Sounds like your ex is lazy and can't be bothered so his wife is giving her child the childhood she wishes them to have despite your ex/her husband.

R2G · 19/06/2022 17:46

I'm surprised to see everyone is saying the ex is lazy. It sounds like they couldn't afford a holiday for 5 so the mum goes with her child, and the dad doesn't go so as to not upset the children.

amy85 · 19/06/2022 17:48

Similar situation here but my ex also goes out with his new gf their kid and her kid but never with mine and my ex's kids...it sucks.

He's messing his relationship up with our kids. He is the one that will ultimately miss out.

MargotMoo · 19/06/2022 17:50

This is what happens when a couple splits, the money has to cover two households and doesn’t go as far. She’s not in that position, so fair for her to do what she wants with her money (presuming it’s hers)

WimpoleHat · 19/06/2022 17:50

Fair enough to suggest to your ex that he does something with the kids - but really not on at all to comment on/criticise what another woman does with her own child.

catandcoffee · 19/06/2022 17:52

Maybe explain to your children that unfortunately their so called Father is a waste of space.

Your poor children having to witness their half sibling having fun while their lazy father sits on his arse.

Orangello · 19/06/2022 17:53

But what would you say? If your ex doesn't want to do anything and take kids on holiday, then you can't make him. And you can't reasonably think the new wife should also take your kids without her DH.

WinnieTheWinsomeWitch · 19/06/2022 17:54

R2G · 19/06/2022 17:46

I'm surprised to see everyone is saying the ex is lazy. It sounds like they couldn't afford a holiday for 5 so the mum goes with her child, and the dad doesn't go so as to not upset the children.

Agree with this. Or perhaps her parents have paid for her and her child to go away with them or other family, or on their own, if money is tight for OP’s ex and new partner.

BeHappyItIsEasier · 19/06/2022 17:57

He might just be shit with all his kids and his wife is just doing everything for her dc, just as you seem to be with yours.

So, I'd leave it. But I'd be questioning the 50/50 split tbh... if they are just left to their own devices there? Obviously I know that may not be practical

Nature-Thrive · 19/06/2022 18:01

The best thing you can do is give your children the very best you can and remind them they are loved. Unfortunately, another woman will never love your children as much as she loves her own. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but it isn't the norm.

RedPlumbob · 19/06/2022 18:11

WinnieTheWinsomeWitch · 19/06/2022 17:54

Agree with this. Or perhaps her parents have paid for her and her child to go away with them or other family, or on their own, if money is tight for OP’s ex and new partner.

Show quote history

I’ve been on MN for over a decade, mostly on the Step Parenting board. It’s very common for women to take their own DC and leave their “D”H cos he’s lazy/can’t be arsed/won’t pay for himself, far more so than the “not upsetting the other kids” reason.

Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2022 18:14

What your ex's wife does with her child, or where they go together, is none of your business. She is not obligated to include your children if their father isn't even going.

Original poster
ExQuestion1 · 19/06/2022 18:25

Mamiamamia · 19/06/2022 17:29

I don’t want to sound harsh, but it is none of your business what the new wife does with their child.

So long as he is paying maintenance and caring for the children during his time with them, it is about the time spent together that is important not flashy holidays and days out.

He doesn't pay maintenance because of the split.

she works part time so I'm not sure how she pays for it all unless ex is paying toward it too which I guess is why I was thinking they could at least save up to do some stuff with allmof them.

but like PP said I don't know who's paying I guess, could be her parents or something.

OP posts:
BadNomad · 19/06/2022 18:36

If she only works part-time then it's probably for financial reasons that they can't take all children. Which will be why just her and her child go away. It's not a family holiday. I think it's natural for a mother to want to do that with her child. Do you take your own children on holidays?

funinthesun19 · 19/06/2022 18:54

It’s nothing to do with you what the stepmum and her child get up to. And really, nothing to do with your children either.

Do your children do things with you? If so, then it’s equal. I’m guessing they do.

If their father was out joining his wife and younger child then I’d be in agreement with you. But maybe he’s one of those men who just can’t be bothered doing anything. And if so, why should his wife and youngest child sit around doing nothing?

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