AIBU to think I may never have a holiday again?

[DestinationUnknownn]

Ok dramatic title 🤣 mildly lighthearted!

I love holidays, particularly going abroad, I don't have loads of money so holidays are always saved up for and savored lol and I used to go most years pre my second child, covid etc. Haven't been abroad in 4/5 years now.
Been with DP 3 years, in that time we've gone on 2 caravan holidays, about an houes drive away from where we live.

Thing is DP has never been abroad (fair enough he doesnt know what he's missing) but he also has no interest in going any further afield for a UK holiday, a few of our friends/family have been on UK holidays lately told us how lovely it is, pictures look lovely etc and all DP can say is how long of a drive it is and isn't interested at all. We're going away to the same place we went last year!

I honestly don't know if I'd ever convince him to get on a plane or even drive a couple of hours in the UK, he does drive alot sometimes for work so I can see his point he doesn't want to be driving all week for work and then have to drive for a holiday (although I'm happy to share the driving) and once you're there it's just the journey there and back.
I'd love to go on a day trip or weekend to London but that's too busy he says.
AIBU to think we'll be camping in the back garden for the foreseeable future!?

You can go without him, you know?

You obviously can go on holiday. With others, just not together by the sound of it.

If going on holiday abroad is really important to you why would you be with someone who doesn’t she the same interest. Why is it you more than likely making the sacrifice on holidays and not him? Can’t it be something you compromise in for each other.

If London is too busy I presume he just doesn’t fancy cities. There’s 101 other places that are quiet just abroad.

France, small gite with pool would be pretty reasonable for 10 days, and the same price as a uk caravan for a week imo

YABU. You hopefully have many years ahead to do various combinations of talking him round and slowly stretching his horizons, compromising, going by yourself and going with friends. There's no rule that your partner gets to choose - or even go on - all your holidays.

Or you can just admit defeat and not bother.

My friend took her two children (primary and early secondary age) on holiday abroad alone as her DH couldn't get the time off work. That might be a few years off but once you're within the timeframe of being able to travel abroad with your DCs then just get something booked and go enjoy it...ideally all inclusive to take the pressure off you having to cook and clean whilst away. I wouldn't go alone with mine until they were much older but mine are both under 4.

If I was you, I'd make it clear that if DH doesn't want to travel that you will book a week somewhere (even if in the UK) and he can stay home with the kids or he can choose to just get on with it and join you. I'm sure once given those options he will go with you. Share the driving and break it up with stops at parks etc so it doesn't feel so long. We always do drives at our DCs bedtimes so they sleep the whole way and it doesn't throw off their routine either- so easy!

Good luck convincing DH

@batduck I know but it would be much harder to organise, all my friends have young DC too and they all go on family holidays together like I wish we could. I am grateful that we are going away but I'd like to explore more of the country and go abroad and enjoy the sun!

I take my DCs aboard without my DH because he too is a miserable sod all the time otherwise I’d never go away to places I want to go. Life is too short to wait for other people. If you want to go somewhere give him a choice: stay at home or come. Either way, you go.

I just could not be with somebody like that, it would be an absolute deal breaker for me. Would you be prepared to do all the driving if it's the driving that's putting him off? I find it hard to believe there are adults nowadays who have never been abroad. How old is he?

How did you end u with someone so... different to you??

of all the men in the world??

I couldn't be done with someone so disinterested in travelling.

That would absolutely be a deal breaker for me.

That sounds miserable. If you don’t have dc I would consider leaving him.

We’ve just come back from a week in Cornwall, it was a 6 hour drive but well worth it.

Then do it. Do it without your partner.

Id go with someone else or by myself !

Just go on your own. Does my head in when women give up things they love and resign themselves to "that's just how it is" for men.

I completely sympathise. My husband says he would like to get away this summer. We haven't had a proper holiday in four years. Me and our DS would like to go abrosd but husband hasn't got an up to date passport and shows no inclination of getting one. He will not go on long car journeys (he doesn't drive for work, he just doesn't like them and neither does our son), he's said he'd like to go to a cottage about two hrs away max but has hated every single one I've suggested to him - and I've suggested many! ("I don't like the living room ... that cottage is near footpath and we'd have people walking past all the time ... that one's near a farm so there'll be tractors going past"... etc etc), he will not look for anywhere himself and really he'd be happy doing what we've done since our last holiday in 2018- spending the two weeks off that we all gave together in the school summer holidays indoors, blinds shut, watching endless fucking dvds. If I suggest going away by myself thered be a huge row because then he'd see it as me rejecting him and not wanting to be with him. I feel your pain, I'm almost dreading the summer holiday tbh.

This sounds utterly miserable.!

take the children by yourself abroad. I have done it and it was wonderful (age 4 and 6)

@JellyBellyNelly I honestly didn't realise he'd be like this, I knew he'd never been abroad but was due to go years ago which got cancelled so I didn't think he'd have any issue with it. Like I say I don't have an issue not going abroad although I'd love to because we would have to save up and it wouldn't be cheap but I'd like to at least explore some of the UK instead.

Go on your own?

Go without him.

Or switch your partner? - are you going to be happy with this guy?

@saveforthat yes of course I'm happy to do my share of driving although he does always like to be the driver (insert stereotypical comment about women drivers 🙄) but the offer is there and I've told him that. He's in his 30's now.

@eldora I'd love to go to Cornwall!

Things like this bemuse me. I love - LOVE - travelling. I did it solo as I was single, went to far flung destinations. Then I got very ill and physically couldn't. Now, I can... sort of. Insurance is very expensive and I'm terrified of having a relapse, alone and abroad. But I still do it as much as I can (on my own and I'm not single) as it is important to me.

You can go if you want to.

I think this is where MN is very, very different to my RL.

I don’t know anybody who goes away without their spouse and / or family, unless it’s a specific thing like a hen or stag do.

That would be a deal breaker for me. In fact one of my top 3 reasons for a having a partner at all is to have someone to travel with.

Many years ago I had a friend whose DH insisted they went to exactly the same apartment in the same town for the same 2 weeks every year. It would have driven me insane.
Fast forward a few years, they split up. Within 2 years she'd met someone else, handed in her notice and spent 12 months travelling the world before eventually settling abroad. They still live in the EU now. I often wonder if the ex still goes to the same holiday destination with his new partner!

Do yourself a favour OP. Research a holiday destination you'd like to go to, show it to DP, give him the option to come along or not and book it whatever.