AIBU to think I may never have a holiday again?

[DestinationUnknownn]

Ok dramatic title 🤣 mildly lighthearted!

I love holidays, particularly going abroad, I don't have loads of money so holidays are always saved up for and savored lol and I used to go most years pre my second child, covid etc. Haven't been abroad in 4/5 years now.
Been with DP 3 years, in that time we've gone on 2 caravan holidays, about an houes drive away from where we live.

Thing is DP has never been abroad (fair enough he doesnt know what he's missing) but he also has no interest in going any further afield for a UK holiday, a few of our friends/family have been on UK holidays lately told us how lovely it is, pictures look lovely etc and all DP can say is how long of a drive it is and isn't interested at all. We're going away to the same place we went last year!

I honestly don't know if I'd ever convince him to get on a plane or even drive a couple of hours in the UK, he does drive alot sometimes for work so I can see his point he doesn't want to be driving all week for work and then have to drive for a holiday (although I'm happy to share the driving) and once you're there it's just the journey there and back.
I'd love to go on a day trip or weekend to London but that's too busy he says.
AIBU to think we'll be camping in the back garden for the foreseeable future!?

If he wont drive further than an hour away, you do all the driving. He clearly doesnt want to share it. If he still refuses, the driving isnt the issue.

if you go abroad there can be no driving at all. If he refuses, the driving again isnt the issue.

does he add value to your life in other ways? Equal partner, equal parent.

Most of you do know that going on holiday is not an absolute necessity? And a holiday abroad even more so.

I haven't been on holiday in the UK or abroad for 10 years.

I'm not missing out and I save money. So I don't think your DH is unusual.

He might not be unusual, but when it impacts the OP's holiday enjoyment, it's a problem

@Hernameisdeborah what's the point in going to a cottage less than 2 hours away? You might as well be at home... same weather, similar surroundings, same shops, same activities...

I love take my toddler away just the two of us. Don't let him hold you back OP.

He sounds awful tbh. There is compromise and compromise, and refusing to travel would be a deal breaker for me. Raise your bar OP and don't let your drip of a husband stop you doing the things you love.

I had to take my DC abroad by myself, as DH died when they were babies. We went all over Europe and had a great time - visiting wild bears and Dracula’s castle in Transylvania, floating round Venice on a gondola, beach holidays on various Greek islands, city breaks in Seville, Prague, Amsterdam, Krakow, riding camels in North Africa, exploring the souks in Marrakech and the blue mosque in Istanbul.
The kids lapped it up, and are still keen travellers as adults now.
Go for it, OP - just because your DH is a stick in the mud, doesn’t mean you have to restrict your DC’s experiences. There’s a world out there!

That’s really depressing. I couldn’t be with someone like that, but only you know if it’s bearable for you.

But that is entirely irrelevant. Because you are clearly happy with your life never going anywhere.

But OP is NOT HAPPY, hence her post. She doesn't want to not have a holiday for 10 years.

OP I do think the way forward is to go with someone else - your sister, a best friend, a cousin. Someone to share the parenting, have a glass of wine with after the kids are in bed. Leave your miserable, close-minded and DP at home in his ridiculously small comfort zone.

Yabu to no go on holiday again because your partner won't. You're not stuck to his hip.

You want to go away so go.

He wants to stay so he stays..

It's that simple. You both do what youd like.

Go with your friends. So much more fun.

I think this would be a deal breaker for me too - it's more what it represents, no appetite to expand horizons.

How does your DP satisfy your drive for adventure, OP?

Are you happy with him overall? This sounds like such a narrow life.

So, he doesn't want to drive more than a few hours because he drives a lot for work - but he also wants to do all the driving and won't let you do some because of some weird attitude he has about "women drivers"?

Bleuuuurgh, but if you're somehow OK with that - go on a trip that doesn't involve (much) driving. Trains are expensive even if you book ahead, but coach is a lot cheaper - try National Express, Megabus, FlixBus. Or of course fly and take local public transit, or find a place to stay that offers airport transport. If you want to go somewhere remote, you may have to take a bus point to point and then rent a car to get off the grid - but there are also millions of choices of holidays where neither of you would have to drive an inch.

@Hernameisdeborah i complete relate to that, I feel like my DP would react exactly the same if I said I was going without him and especially if I was taking our child (my eldest isn't his) he definitely wouldn't like the idea of me taking her away for a week without him yet if I suggested they stay at home and I go he also wouldn't be happy.

We've obviously had discussions about holidays and days out but I don't think he takes it very seriously so I might have to spell it out that if he won't come I will be going on my own or taking the kids.

He won't even entertain the idea for our DC, cbeebies land, legoland etc are all too far away...

He honestly sounds selfish and controlling. Youve only been together three years. I really wouldnt waste any more time on a sexist controlling man. Your oldest child deserves not to have him in her life.

Hernameisdeborah's husband sounds genuinely awful.

The OP's husband possibly doesn't know what he's missing.

I'd have a cards on the table conversation OP "Holidays are important to me and I'm not prepared to do without them. If you really don't want to go on one I'll take the DC on my own. However I think it would be much nicer if we all went together. Would you be prepared to give it a go with an open mind if I picked a nice cottage X hours away and did most of the driving? If you give it your best shot and still hate it then I'll take the DC on my own, but I'd much rather do it together."

He sounds incredibly boring.

It would be a deal breaker for me too. I guess we’re all different but I love travelling and prioritise holidays. It does sound miserable. When do you get a respite from the daily drudgery of life?

Slightly different but I’m going away with friends next week, mainly as my family (DH and 2 DS’s) all like active holidays so I don’t quite get the holidays I like.

No reason you can’t go alone.

I think your life maybe the outlier, loads of couples I know go on holidays separately, some with their children, others with friends, others with hobby or sporting groups. It's totally normal ime

OP - I'd find it hard to be with someone who seems so adventurous, is it a deal breaker for you?

It would be a deal breaker for me too. My DH isn't very adventurous but we find places we are both interested in visiting both in the UK and abroad and he is happy to come with me when I visit friends overseas (and is also quite happy for me to go on my own or with my mum from time to time).

It's fine to say you don't want to do something but you can't then moan if your partner wants to do it without you.

My DH isn't overly interested in going abroad- particularly a beach holiday. He is willing to look after our four small kids while I go away 1/2 times a year to a European beach with friends- cheaper and we both are happy, win win!

Just go on your own. I've always traveled either on my own, or with my son. I started travelling with him when he was 3 months old and it has never been a problem. He's an adult now and he still joins me sometimes, but mostly I travel alone now

Can you say, now that covid restrictions have ended, that you were looking forward to going abroad.

What is stopping you going with your children or other family members or friends ? To London or abroad ?

I think you need to clarify with him, does he never wish to go abroad ?

Is this some sort of weird control ?

Is this a deal breaker ?

What else are you not allowed to do ?