Everyone looks so happy

[Eightieskidninetiesteen]

And I’m happy for them.

So many people seem to have so much going on, lots of money, exciting outings etc.
I have a nice life and a Dd I adore, but I don’t feel like this.
Hard to explain, but looking at sm before never made me feel the way it is lately

Anyone else feel the same?

I hate when this line is trotted out. I know many, many people whose lives are exactly the same on SM as in real life. Why be jealous and bitter and always assume they must be insecure?

Because if it was genuine then they wouldn't have to boast about it.

You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.

And exactly why do you think that this is boasting. Clearly proving my point. Maybe people are just living their lives, and it's the others looking on who are the insecure ones. My 2 closest friends have absolutely fantastic lives, I've known them for 25- 30 years, their lives are exactly on SM as in rl. They are not boasting, they are simply living their lives. If I was a jealous and bitter person then I would be looking at that all sneery...

Because they see that everyone else is supposedly happy and they want to be the same. Or they are in 'friendship groups where a lack of posting will mean that people will pile on with 'are you okay hun' 'is everything okay sweetie' because their so called friends are waiting to pounce on someone else's life not being as perfect as theirs.
I have a distant friend( known her since college 35 years ago) who posts pictures of her 'fabulous ' life and everyone gushes about how amazing it all is. It very,very much isn't and the sad thing is that all the posters know it. They had building work done thst is utterly shoddy but looks amazing in the pictures. The windows let in a gale and the rain pours in underneath. Her children are both being seen by CAHMS and have been for years. The youngest was allowed back ìnto school during the lockdown periods because the mental health of the older one was causing a breakdown of her mental health. Their lives are a chaotic ,hideous mess .A pretty dress and a bit of sunshine masks it nicely. But not really.

Because they want to fake it and pretend everything is ok when it isn't. They want to be the perfect family with nothing wrong so people won't judge them.

Why not deactivate social media or just follow non-people accounts?

I've made a Facebook that is just to follow local events and businesses so I don't miss out on important news or local events but don't have to sift through endless sm crap

People only post the good things on sm, and they make sure everything looks perfect before they post. It is most certainly not indicative of real life. I think you are right to question sm - just focus on your own life and don't worry about others. That's how we used to live!

Can I recommend a book? How to do everything and be happy by peter jones. It will make you think about what you want out of life and why. As soon as I read it and had my own goals I stopped comparing on social media.

Never ever compare your life to what you see on social media. Social media is a tiny snapshot of someone's life, and people mostly post their best bits. Everyone wants to keep up appearances.

I have friends who will often post holiday photos when they're definitely not on holiday. I have friends who post happy quotes when they're going through heartbreaking break ups. Don't believe everything you see online. A lot goes on behind closed doors. You'd only be comparing your life to a filtered version of someone else's.

Limit social media, or delete it completely. Trust me, your life will feel so much better and you'll start to appreciate what you DO have.

Have a month of SM. Seriously.

It's not real.

And comparison is the thief of joy.

OFF SM

Someone posted a photo of me mid story telling and I’m pulling a face looking really pissed off. I wasn’t, I was having a lovely time. Social media is usually posed photos of hair people.

@Mally100

Because telling people about your fantastic life is boasting especially as they will know that there are lots of other people struggling especially at the moment.

You might have known them for 25 years, but you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

The fact that they have to boast shows that they are not very nice people and very insecure.

I don’t necessarily believe that social media isn’t real, I’m sure that when most people post that they are happy and having a great time, they genuinely are. I used to post a lot and that was certainly the case for me.

But, you have to ask yourself why you need to share with the world that you are happy, why can’t you just be, why do you need to invite a load of randoms into these special moments of your life. After a lot of soul searching I think that in itself is a form of insecurity and self-validation.

For me personally I decided that I don’t need to do that and it makes no difference to my happiness in these moments to just keep them to myself.

I also realised that social media made me a lazy friend and relative. I used to use the excuse that it helped me keep in touch with the friends and family that aren’t close by, but actually the only effort I was making was liking and commenting. Now I no longer use social media it means I actively message and keep in touch with loved ones. Plus it gives me more time to waste on Mumsnet.

Yes, I feel like this. Everyone always looks so content and happy. Feels lonely to not be the same.

I hate the sm argument that crops up all the time.

SM is generally when you post some snice snapshots of your life. Key events you want to document such as nights out, births, new house, new relationship, anniversary, dinner at s restaurant, anything.

Some people can boast, others just want to share that particular snapshot of time. That's not indicative of their entire life. They will still have bereavements and illness and money worries and other things that everyone has to worry about.

That doesn't mean that they are pretending to hide their shitty lives on SM it just means they are showing a time when they are having a bit of joy. No one should be trying to drag them down by saying they are insecure and overcompensating because they are unhappy in their own life.

End of the day your life is your own. Only you can change it in the way you want. If it's something that can't be changed eg bereavement or disability then therapy and asking for help would be a better use of time than complaining that people look happy on SM.

I don’t post much of my own life on FB at all. Few holiday pics occasionally. I occasionally share things I think are funny and hope they’ll make people smile.

People only post what they want you to see. They don't show the bad days. Come off social media you will be so much happier with your own life

I disagree I'm trying to 'present a happy life' if I post a pic once every six months of my teens. I'm just updating my family who live abroad on what they still look like! I don't post about the bad bits of the teens on FB as that would be very mean to them, and I only post with their permission, but it's nice to share a pic of graduation or whatever with the relatives. If you have say 80 friends, they all do that, you get a lot of pics and can end up feeling a bit overwhelmed. They aren't false lives, people do have nice holidays, graduate, have nice roses in their garden or whatever, but they aren't representative of the rest of their lives. I wouldn't dream of posting my teen crying or in hospital or something, that would be awful. I don't think the motivation on SM is to offer a 'false life' though most of the time, just to give a small window of the nice stuff to share with people you like.

If it's upsetting you though, definitely step away. I've had to from time to time, just as I step away from Mumsnet if I'm down as it's quite a negative moany place!

It’s all false my lovely. Don’t believe the hype.
On paper my life looks very lovely; on the inside I’m lonely and bored to tears and battling every day just to do the basics at home, whilst giving my all to a very draining job.
Yes there are fun times, but no-one’s life is happy all the time.

You can't control what people post on social media. You may not even be able to control how you react to it. What is easier to control is how much or even if you expose yourself to it.

Certain SM sites are ok for me, but others make me unhappy. As soon as I saw the pattern, I strictly reduced my time there. Delete it, hide the app where you won't see it as often, mute people, unfollow them. Do whatever it takes.

Personally, I simply deleted FB and didn't use it for years. That was easier to manage than trying to change his it made me feel. Logically, I knew my life wasn't bad, but that didn't stop the emotions it immediately engendered. And it was hard work lifting my mood afterwards. I didn't regret leaving.

I saw a woman kneeling down with her son at the zoo, taking a selfie- I smiled because it was such a sweet scene.

About 30 seconds later she was telling him she HATED him because he was so boring. The child looked around age 7 😔.

The Camera certainly does lie.

I look happy and people at work have said so and have said I'm very laid back, but in reality, I'm pretty messed up in my own special way.

I can put a brave face on things and will laugh and joke with people, but it's not a true reflection of how I feel day to day.

Everyone posting on social media is "living their best life" or "making memories" and I guess a few really are, but they will be in the minority. Social media is the least believable thing when it comes to what people's lives are really like.

My DB (who rants about how horrible SM is) is constantly posting photos on his family's wonderful life & rubbing in where he lives & how fab everything is.

I find out from DM what's really going on & it's nothing like the photos. I also know how much money he owes. It's about 10x what we do.

Have a closer look at the people you pass on your/their way to work tomorrow morning. Not many of they'll be showing off about it.