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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Everyone looks so happy

77 replies

Eightieskidninetiesteen · 18/06/2022 22:59

And I’m happy for them.

So many people seem to have so much going on, lots of money, exciting outings etc.
I have a nice life and a Dd I adore, but I don’t feel like this.
Hard to explain, but looking at sm before never made me feel the way it is lately

Anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:

FrustareNT · 19/06/2022 00:02

I have two close friends who are always posting on SM with their husbands
One has been married for 30 years and has had sex twice a miraculously conceived both her children!!
The other friend omitted from her SM posts that her darling husband calls her a Cu&t regularly….ignore SM !!

Lovinglife45 · 19/06/2022 00:22

Delete your SM accounts. You will feel much better for it.

Anything that impacts you negatively, has no place in your life.

goldfinchonthelawn · 19/06/2022 06:39

Eightieskidninetiesteen · 18/06/2022 23:04

But it’s reality when they’re wearing beautiful clothes and out at lovely places with hundreds of friends…the pics/videos are there to be seen.

But it doesn't mean they are happy. Or even enjoying themselves. If you are truly involved in the moment, enjoying what you're doing, you don't think to post on SM.

Thisisit2022 · 19/06/2022 07:22

I don't post much on SM anymore and then it's only informative or lighthearted stuff. I've never posted about my MH or my parent's cancer or my daughter's MH (including her being sectioned for a while). I physically couldn't bring myself to do that as it's attention seeking shit. My lighthearted posts are not "isn't my life perfect and rosy" more like "had a great meal with these friends".

Applegreenb · 19/06/2022 07:26

Honestly either delete the apps or go through and delete everyone who isn’t your actual friend in real life. If you don’t have their mobile number and wouldn’t meet for a coffee or lunch you aren’t friends. Delete them all now. I try to keep my
facebook friends below 100 at all times and that’s with a lot being family.

MarshaBradyo · 19/06/2022 07:31

It does t sound like you get anything positive from it. Delete SM apps and move on

Connect irl without apps, you may feel stuck with it but you’re not

carefullycourageous · 19/06/2022 07:36

Get off SM. It is deliberately designed to make you feel this way.

Edwina83 · 19/06/2022 07:36

A recent example...
I heard through someone's parents that their child was having a really hard time at the moment. Marriage was at risk and they were battling depression.
I don't have any contact with their child other than on social media. In last 6 months it has been a constant stream of pictures of amazing days out and recently a holiday where the family look so happy.
I keep thinking that people will be seeing them and thinking how wonderfully happy this person is, when this is very far from the reality. In fact, the very fact they are posting so much on SM is probably evidence that they aren't as happy as they appear.
If social media is making you feel down, I would honestly delete it. I know several people who have done this and feel so much better for it.

GrendelsGrandma · 19/06/2022 07:37

OP on social media, you are the product. It exists to gather data about you so advertisers can target you. It's not the same as being with a group of friends.

The bits of yourself you would bring to, say, meeting a group of friends, have to be filtered. The vulnerability and jokes and everything could be seen by people you don't want to see them or taken the wrong way. The only content that works for a big wide audience on social media is the bland, upbeat aspirational content you see. Visually nice + lifestyle you want + buy this product and you could live like this.

I deleted my FB about 7 years ago and now only use Twitter for news (I don't follow anyone I know) and Pinterest for ideas about stuff. Occasional dips into insta but again, no one I know. I feel much happier for it. Do you know the saying 'comparison is the thief of joy'? SM invites you to compare yourself to others all the time and you will never win because you're comparing yourself to a curated, selective, filtered picture not actual reality.

Give yourself a week or two with either no or very limited social media and choose something else to do with the time - read a book, go for a walk, meditate, cook etc. Real life experience trumps pictures of perfect lives every time.

Life doesn't last forever, don't waste chunks of yours feeling sad that someone else has a perter bottom/better holiday/nicer sofa than yours! :)

Westfacing · 19/06/2022 07:46

Also it's the extravagant language e.g. 'making memories' 'super-fun' 'yummy treats' to describe taking the kids to the park!

notanoccultexpert · 19/06/2022 07:47

No-one can be in a constant state of happiness - it's just not possible. Also, remember, happiness is a weird concept, I think what most people mean when they use the word 'happy' is 'content'. I am content for the most part, but happiness is fleeting - like when I get the news in about a week that my first grandchild has been born - I will definitely be happy.

Also, remember, comparison is the thief of joy. As other posters have said, people tend not to post stuff on social media about the bad stuff (unless they are into drama), because that's one of the main things about social media - people sometimes use it to 'show they are better than others' - whether that is opinions, or way of life.

TottersBlankly · 19/06/2022 07:53

So why bother with these things? It’s perfectly possible to live your life without FB / Meta, Instagram / whatever.

Just Turn Them Off.

toobusytothink · 19/06/2022 07:58

Interesting stat from a game show last night (yes sadly watching on a Saturday early evening) that 92% of people are secretly happy when a social engagement is cancelled. When people go out they post it all over social media but a lot of the time it’s fake. I don’t go out much. I am very content (yes I have crap going on but it’s manageable). So I have nothing to post. People probably think I’m a sad lonely friendless whatever. But I don’t care. I’d rather have my simple life.

User4387075 · 19/06/2022 08:04

A lot of stuff that was postponed for the last two years is happening this year, we have two concerts this week and are away in our caravan, we wouldn't have planned all this to happen at once though and it's a bit of a pita to be honest.

AclowncalledAlice · 19/06/2022 08:04

My sm has a video of DD and her colleagues doing the "Blinding Light" dance in 2020. She is smiling and looks as happy as anything. What that video doesn't show is 5 minutes after the it was shot, DD was sobbing like a baby as she was coming to terms with the loss of her nanna (my mum), who had died of Covid 2 weeks previously.
Pictures on sm are just a snapshot of a person's life taken at that moment, the same as physical photos have always been

CrispsnDips · 19/06/2022 08:05

I know someone with five children under 12, including three who are fostered and have behavioural issues, and she often posts pictures of her with a glass of wine with a backdrop of the most gorgeous, immaculate home. It can be compared to walking into a posh homeware shop where ornaments, candles, plants are all carefully and artfully positioned.

Her home schooling kitchen table looked like something from a magazine with four laptops and beautifully coloured stationery/craft items/books placed next to each laptop..

The garden looks like a show garden too!

After seeing a post of the dinner table set for Sunday lunch, a friend of hers commented that she couldn’t believe seven people plus two dogs lived in a home so gorgeous - she then explained the truth:

one child had just used the banister as a slide
two had been fighting and pulling each other’s hair out
one had just had an accident on the toilet floor
one had ran off into the street and her husband had frantically gone looking for him
and the two dogs had tried eating the chicken!

All within minutes of the photo being taken HAHA

Jasmine5552 · 19/06/2022 08:07

I try to limit my time on social media if I can. Otherwise I find myself comparing my life to the lives of other people on there and find myself lacking.

pictish · 19/06/2022 08:11

Social media is a blessing and a curse. It is the worst thing for people who are low, lonely, lacking support, motivation and who are struggling. It seems like everyone else has got it all going on. I have felt very low and lonely looking at social media at some points too.

Pleaseaddcaffine · 19/06/2022 08:11

My social media is full of things I do with my son and friends as I get tagged in stuff.....
I lost 6 extended family members last year, 2 to suicide. My relationship broke down last year and I'm a single parent and battling through.
I am fine now but don't think social media reflects reality, there are no photos of my crying at 3 am for 3mths straight!
You can pause social media and take a break for a month or two. It may do you some good x

LaWench · 19/06/2022 08:12

For example I've just posted an insta photo of my Dad to wish him happy father's Day. He moved abroad years ago and I've not seen him in 4yrs and we barely talk.
It's all a bit fake really.

mokololo · 19/06/2022 08:13

Social media isn't real.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 19/06/2022 08:15

I find that it is the unhappiest people who boast on SM.

pictish · 19/06/2022 08:15

Westfacing · 19/06/2022 07:46

Also it's the extravagant language e.g. 'making memories' 'super-fun' 'yummy treats' to describe taking the kids to the park!

This is true. People have become really creative at bigging up ordinary things.
Some people post about every social interaction they have…so a coffee and cake with a mate after work becomes a Facebook-worthy celebration of friendship and indulgence.

User4387075 · 19/06/2022 08:16

We also have to 'help' DS get to Glastonbury because of the rail strike, I'm sure we could make that look exciting if we tried.

Limer · 19/06/2022 08:19

Why is it then that some people are so desperate to post that everything’s perfect?

Because people like to show off, and there's an element of "keeping up with the Joneses".

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