Who gets the bigger room?

[NoWayHome]

Good evening,

I was hoping someone could settle something between DH and I because we can't agree and to be honest we're getting wayyy ahead of ourselves but we want to start decorating which is why we're sort of discussing it now.

We live in a new build so the rooms aren't all that big anyway but we have two biggish rooms and a box room. Currently DS (16 months) is in the big room and the box room is the rubbish room at the minute. We're having a baby girl and DH thinks next year (we have baby sleeping in our room for a year) that we should make the box room into a "big boys room" for my son because when he's older he's not gonna bother having a smaller room as long as it has a bed, clothes, toys and eventually an entertainment system (thinking teenage years) and that DH had to share when he was younger and he thinks DS will be perfectly happy with it as boys don't really care (his words) and he feels DD would be better in the bigger room as he feels she'll need more space.

I think it's a bit tight on DS like oh there's a new baby pack up and move to the other room but appreciate I might be being unreasonable as DH makes good points.

I mean we have a while to go yet and could even move before then but what do people think, do they agree with DH or are we being tight moving DS into the box room?

Also I appreciate this might be first world problems and it's completely a non issue but I'd like some outside opinions please

Thank you

When I was younger the oldest child had the biggest room

Eldest has the biggest room. Teenage boys can need a lot of space!!

Tell him that gender stereotypes are not helpful.

Leave the older child in the bigger room and reassess later as required. It’s silly to make sweeping statements like ‘girls need more space’.

Oldest sister had the biggest room when we were kids and myself and middle sister shared for a while then when we moved to a 4 bed middle sister had large attic room , oldest sister had large double and I ( youngest ) got the box . Leave your son in his room !

We had my boy in the bigger room but swapped him aged 6 with his 4 year old sister as she had waaay more toys than him so it made sense. He got to chose the theme of his new room so it didn't bother him.

I'd think about location more - we put dd2 in the bigger room because it's at the front of the house - it means that no one walks past her door to get to their room so no disturbing her while she's nappjng/sleeping, and she's also above the playroom which isn't used in the evening, so when we're entertaining there is less chance of disturbing her. Dd 1 is above the kitchen but she's 7 so getting able to stay up later when we have guests round, so not so much of a problem

Why on earth does he think DD will need more space?? Based on what?
If anything your son will need more space as in a year or two he will be able to play in his room whereas a baby won’t and will have way less stuff.
Never mind the fact that DS is already in the bigger room so it’s stupid to decorate 2 rooms.

Eldest got the biggest in our house

Another vote for eldest. Treating kids differently based on their sex is, quite simply, sexist!

It sends a message that ‘this is how you will behave because you’re a boy/girl’. Not a strong message to be sending either child in 2022.

Could you ask your partner why girls need more space? For clothes and preening? Might help to establish this in pointing out why it’s sexist.

Sorry if I sound harsh. I’m sure he’s a really lovely dad but I really feel it’s important to challenge everyday sexism wherever we see it.

Thank you everyone I completely agree, he is the best dad to be fair but I think his views are a bit sexist.

There's already a lot of favouritism from DH and his family as this is the first girl in 60 years (since MIL was born) so it's all really exciting to them however I don't really care what sex my children are, I want to make sure they are treated fairly and equally by us all.

I just wanted some opinions as I'm an only child so didn't really know what was best but I think I'm right and gonna stick to my guns. If baby was a boy they would have had the box room so no different with her being a girl.

Do you plan on stopping at 2 or having another?

personally I'd leave it for now & see how you feel MUCH closer to when you're ready to move the baby out if your room!

at that time, see who needs the space, how else you need to use the space etc etc.

New baby in box room. Then when she needs a proper bed they could share the big room until they are older

Let them share for a few years.

Yes we're stopping at this baby, having my tubes tied as part of the c section (long story)

That's a good idea, like a PP said if it gets to the point they need to move rooms DS can pick the theme etc and hopefully that'll make him happy.

Definitely disagree that boys don't need space, my 6yo DS could do with an entire house extension for his lego obsession. There is no way he could manage with a box room. Leave DS in the big room and wait to see how their needs change as they get older.

I'd out baby in the small room. And reassess as they grow.
Depending on the children and different toys and stages one may need more floor space and the other more storage. And that may change as they grow.

Eldest gets the biggest room. How unfair to turf him out just because his sibling is a girl!!

Eldest should have the biggest room.

And I disagree that boys don't need space. My brother's room was HUGE. He had the whole upstairs floor of the house with an en-suite. He needed it all for his guitars 🎸, keyboard 🎹 , stereo and various collections of whatever scary stuff he collected.

I just don't understand why your DH would assume his son needs less space than his daughter? Presumably there is a reason why he thinks that but what's the reason? Why do you think his points are valid?
My teen DDs share a room and DS is in the box room but that's because there are two of them so they need more space and LO is only a toddler so just uses his room for sleeping.

I'd put girl in the biggest room.

That sounds bizarre.

We put our 2 together in the big room for a few years. But if you're going to split them, eldest in biggest room is least likely to hurt anyone's feelings (or expose DC to unnecessary and outdated parental gender assumptions)

I didn't agree with him per say but I was starting to think maybe he knew more about boys because he is one and had four brothers but I felt it was quite sexist which is why I posted here really because I was beginning to doubt myself

In a year or two, DS may need space where he can play with his Lego without little sister putting it in her mouth, so it might make sense for him to have the bigger space for now. When they're a bit older, you can review.

Id leave DS where he is for now. You dunt want to risk him feeling pushed out. Reassess when they are older, ask their opinions if necessary. I remember when my cousins moved to a new house as teens. One got the bigger bedroom, one got the smaller room but a new TV.