Ivygate

[housinghero]

Can you tell me it am being unreasonable please

My next door neighbour is in her 70’s and lives on her own. She has an obsession with the ivy that I am growing up the back of the house and over my pergola. She has asked me and I have cut it back so that it is not growing on her side of the house . A few weeks ago I caught her hanging out if her bedroom window with a saw trying to hack it off . So I cut it at the bottom again so that it would then die back but only on the stems that were nearest to her side so that some still grew. Since we have been on holiday she has either come round and cut it or leant over with her saw and cut all the stem so the whole lot has died . So I am left with dead leaves all up my house which I can’t get down because I can’t get on a step ladder from my side and I also have spinal arthritis: I am fuming. I don’t plan on a neighbour dispute over this but after a horrendous week of family suicide and ill health his is the last thing I need.

OP

Chances are she's worried you might take legal action so won't hopefully won't cross the line again, but I would spell that out for her, and the impact on you, in a letter or in person.

The comment you made wasn't pleasant, but it was said in anger and under pressure, quite clearly and understandably, and you didn't mean it!

@housinghero

Sorry, forgot to tag you.

I inherited dark green ivy in my garden and naively planted a golden variegated one in another spot.

It's okay for the first few years then it becomes really hard to control. The dark green one begins to look rather gloomy as it matures.

Wildlife ignores my ivy and prefers the more attractive climbers in the garden!

I'd recommend replacing with climbing hydrangea (if it's a very shady spot) or star jasmine (trachelospermum jasminoides). Both have lovely white flowers and the jasmine is evening-scented. Both are evergreen and easier to control than ivy. Star jasmine would be my choice if the spot gets any sun. Possibly plant one either side of the door if there's space.

Ivy is incredibly destructive to brickwork - it gets into the mortar and erodes it. And then the bricks are lose and can fall out. Ask any builder/architect/Gardener.

nobody with any sense wants ivy anywhere near their house.

it’s the plant for people that don’t give a shit about anything, including their own property

I'm sorry for your loss.

You don't sound nasty btw.
If you can't have a rant on an anonymous forum where can you? Most people have thoughts and feelings they would never dream of shouting at the person they're about. People aren't all sweetness and light when they're upset or pissed off.

Oooh. Let me try something.

MY NEIGHBOUR DRIVES ME BATTY! her kids are awful, her dog's a pain in the arse and she's a nosy cow.

I'll give it ten minutes and see if she starts crying or the sky falls in.

This. I don’t understand why her husband as builder would contemplate growing ivy. It’s a bloody menace. It is hard to keep under control, and whilst you might keep it cut to prevent it spreading across walls, you have no idea what it is doing behind the current growth. It can easily start putting tendrils out into grouting and easily finds it way through things like window frames. If anyone ever buys the house and wants to remove it, they will never get rid of the growth marks where the ivy has taken hold of. That is precisely how it grows and spreads by growing tiny tendrils into rough surfaces. As the tiny shoots grow into more significant tendrils it further breaks up the surface. Ivy kills trees eventually because of that.
yes it is a wonder for nature in terms of habitat.
but hey MN always seems to side with the neighbours who don’t keep their hedges or trees in check etc. expletive don’t seem to understand no one has to plant the wrong plant in the wrong place. People plant stuff in wrong place because they are ignorant and don’t do their homework and then wonder why neighbours get hacked off.
ifnyou want to grow ivy OP….go ahead but you are idiotic if you think you can keep it under control for it never to impinge on neighbours house if you live in semi detached or terrace. There are so many nicer climber to look at that you could grow that will not be invasive and much easier to control.
im not an elderly inflexiable person- just experienced enough to know that Ivy is rampart and a bloody nuisance growing in the wrong place.

A few weeks ago I caught her hanging out if her bedroom window with a saw trying to hack it off . So I cut it at the bottom again so that it would then die back but only on the stems that were nearest to her side so that some still grew. Since we have been on holiday she has either come round and cut it or leant over with her saw and cut all the stem so the whole lot has died

I wouldn't touch a property with ivy growing up it. Evil stuff.

My dad is a builder and I can remember him telling me on more than one occasion about the damage that Ivy does to brickwork - it’s well known. I live in a terrace of rendered houses and one of the neighbours pulled down the Ivy that was growing up their house and you can see significant damage to the render where the Ivy had been.

By the way, your comment about wishing she falls out of her window is really nasty.

She will be worried about damage to her property. Add to that who wants a weed growing up the side of their house? Im not surprised she doesn’t want it growing near her property.

Wouldn't it be nice if we all didn't attack people and cut everyone a little more slack. If we didn't automatically assume the worst motives and intentions.

Why aren’t t you directing that at the OP?

have a good day folks and I hope life is kind to you
i will take that from you

I hate Ivy now. I had Ivy, damaged my house. I now find it ugly.

OP, if the ivy was on your side the lady had no right cutting it...even if, she like me doesn't like Ivy.

Your comment. Ok. When you write things like that it comes off so serious. It was a careless throw away comment. Nobody on mumsnet has ever said anything they don't really mean. Your comment, I imagine was said with an eye-roll and a scrunch of the nose...(typing that is so unclear)

So back to the ivy (as awful as the plant is) I am also no gardener. If she has cut it low to the ground can you get a big enough pot, use rooting powder and hope it somehow grows again. (I told you I am no gardener). However, the point is, your property is your property. Don't let it go on her side or let it reach the roof. As long as these are adhered to YANBU.

Sorry about your loss.

First, I do include the OP in that. And myself, for that matter.

Second, I also draw a distinction between ranting about something and ranting to the object of one's frustration or anger, which OP has been she wouldn't consider doing.

Third, the OP has owned her remark as unpleasant, has said she doesn't mean it, and acknowledged it came from a place of anger or stress. I don't think I've seen any of the people directing language like 'vile' or 'evil' at her do likewise.

Looking back, @GoodThinkingMax, I did already say most of that in the post you quoted from. I wonder why you focused on the first paragraph and ignored the rest?

Anyone else silently singing 'My Pink Half Of The Drainpipe' by the Bozo Dog Doo - Dah Band. (question mark, forward slash key knackered)
Oh, and YABU. Ivy's vile. My late, very eccentric mother refused to cut back the ivy triffid at the back of her house. The creepy green bastard pushed out a pane of glass in the 'French Windows' (de rigueur in the 1950's) and spread itself into the back room like something from 'Hammer House of Horror'.
At least it was only our household that suffered, no neighbours were hurt or traumatised in any way but I still have flashbacks 60 years on.😬

But what she said was vile, why would we apologise. Someone who recently lost a family member should know not to joke about people falling to their death out their window.

@Summerwhereareyou - you could try ammonium sulphamate, sold as compost accelerator. There's some listed on eBay. Granules on ivy stumps kills it off (it did mine).

Cutting ivy back is seen by the ivy as a challenge, it's never that easily defeated!
OP I hope things pick up for you soon.

How long ago is that? Because we did pretty much the same when we hacked it all off the end of our house and we thought hoped we had killed it. But nope, it keeps making a comeback and we have to have another go every year to try to prevent it getting hold again

YANBU! Just because she is "old" doesn't mean she can do what she wants and get away with it.

It wasn't on her property, it wasn't hers to cut.

I would be fuming as well.

I buy this product regularly as it's the business, but do read the whole listing (and reviews ) to ensure you are getting what you are looking for.

But what she said was vile, why would we apologise. Someone who recently lost a family member should know not to joke about people falling to their death out their window.

Entirely up to you. I think characterising it it as a 'joke' rather than hyperbole/an insincere comment made in anger and stress indicates that you are determined to take a particular view of it and not prepared to cut OP any of the slack that people have demanded she shows her neighbour (and that by her account, she has.)

Entirely up to you; my view is that discourse in general would be improved if we were all willing to give others the benefit of the doubt a little more. That is, let's assume that (a) she didn't wish death upon her neighbour and (b) she didn't say it for lolz; let's also assume that posters on this thread don't go around telling stressed, bereaved people that they're vile and evil when they're not shielded by the internet, and that they're not just doing it because it makes them feel good. I'm happy to extend that to you and assume you've got stressful things going on in your life; it's harder when people double down though.

She sounds awful and like she gets her only entertainment by fixating on things and trying to get your attention like a child would. Don’t give it to her, completely ignore her
Its likely she’s going to want your support and help as she gets older and actually she’s just burning her bridges and being spiteful. Completely disengage from her on all levels op

Ps your Ivy will grow back, it always does