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Original poster

To be deeply annoyed & hurt by my parent's attitude.

65 replies

Fireflyfairy2 · 14/01/2008 23:23

It is my 30th birthday tomorrow.

I also have a 3 hour psychology exam in the morning.

Thing is, education was never encouraged in our house, which is why I am outting myself through university now, at 30. I'm in my final year of a joint degree & working my butt off to gain something...for me!

Anyway, my parents have always been very dismissive of my life choices, especially the ones that have meant I have been studying for the past 7 years (both part time & full time) to get the job of my dreams.

My parents arrived today at 2.30, I wasn't in, was getting dd from school. I then stopped at my MIL's house, she lives a short walk away but I parked at her home rather than my own home. Now, may parents would have had to drive past my ILs house to get to mine... but they never noticed my car apparently. Anyway, I left my phone in the car so didn't get the calls. Then my dad pulled up at my MILs house & told me they were waiting on me for half an hour but they were going home seeing as I had no manners.

I left MIL's & came home. My parents came in & had a cup of tea.. during which I told them I had an exam in the morning. They asked what it was for etc.. and how long I had left of my degree, what it was I wanted to do when I had graduated. I said ideally journalism but I have to do an MA which at the minute won't be financially possible.. then my mam asked me why I didn't just get a job in the shop.. why I was bothering with university, and my dad helpfully added that journalism was a dream for younger people. Not for me.

I then said between times (whilst saving for the MA) I might get into the civil service.. my dad asked what the civil service would want me for?

Sorry.. I was so deeply hurt & upset. Then he & my mam fell out & he went home without her. (perfectly normal) So I was lumbered with her all evening added a visit from my 3 sisters' & their children, I haven't had a second to study.

Also, my mam told my dh about my 2 cousins who are at university, one doing a nursing degree & the other a criminology.. then she added "But they're useful jobs.. I don't even know the name of the degree our XXXX is doing!"

My mam & my last sister have just went home. I'm too wound up to sleep & too knackered to study.

Fuck them! Fuck the fucking pair of them! I have sweated blood, guts & tears to get this far... I told a friend yesterday she probably couldn't come to my graduation as my mam would want to go.. seems I was fucking wrong.

Sorry for the length... just good to get it all out

OP posts:
hertsnessex · 14/01/2008 23:26

oh i am so sorry, you are worth something, you are doing a great thing for yourself, and you deserve some recognition andd praise.

So........ GOOD FOR YOU, WELL DONE & GO FOR IT

have a lovely birthday tomorrow and good luck with the exam

x

VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/01/2008 23:32

What you didnt know already, wont be much good.

What a thoughtless bunch of cunts nonetheless.

Look how far you have got already without their 'help'.

Good luck for tomorrow (although I'm sure you wont need it )

NorthernLurker · 14/01/2008 23:32

When you graduate I'm sure they will be very proud - but they're not backing you up right now - when you need it. Take the people you love and who have cherished you to your graduation - and instruct your parents to babysit!!!

NoBiggy · 14/01/2008 23:32

One night's studying won't make a difference, you know your stuff, get some rest, get up in good time and enjoy showing your examiners what you can do.

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

Psychology eh? Maybe you could do a project on them

Original poster
Fireflyfairy2 · 14/01/2008 23:41

Thanks ladies.

I thought I was twisting it to suit me.

My family are a bunch of weird cunts.

I am just so angry.

Dh has been talking to me but I keep getting angry.

How dare they make me feel like crap in my own home!!

It's a joint psychology & journalism degree.. it's journalism my love is for, always has been since I was 7. That's why my dad made the dream remark.

They wouldn't let me stay on at school when I wanted to, which meant I couldn't do A-levels to enter university. I did it myself!

The fuckin ironic thing is, mam is always telling me not to be like her... she stayed at home & raised 8 children, all of whom are married now & live away from her.. she wanted my to carve a career for myself, away from the kids so I won't be old & alone...

(And as a complete aside, any pedants know if it's parent's or parents'?)

Seriously, I want to say thanks for reading, I feel my confidence at an all time low...I mean, I was seriously fucked off with turning 30 as it was!!!!

OP posts:
1dilemma · 14/01/2008 23:44

Happy Birthday
Good luck for tomorrow

(check out the maternity leave available to civil servants!!)

NorthernLurker · 14/01/2008 23:46

NHS is good for Maternity Leave! All the best for your birthday - this is going to be a great decade for you. One where you follow your dreams, achieve your potential and know that nobody has done this for you - you made it yourself - you are wonderful!

jezzemx · 14/01/2008 23:46

Agree with vvvq. TWATS
Relax, get some sleep, and good luck for tomorrow and follow your dreams

Ineedacleaner · 14/01/2008 23:48

If you don't know it already you won't, try and relax and get yourself calm for the morning. Turning 30 doesn't hurt honest .

You have every right to feel angry and hurt but look how far you have come by yourself.

Happy birthday and GOOD LUCK!!! You will be fab and I'll bet they are all over you when you graduate.

Quattrocento · 14/01/2008 23:49

Ignore, ignore

Good luck for tomorrow

TooTicky · 14/01/2008 23:51

All the best for tomorrow - I admire you!!

runawayquickly · 14/01/2008 23:57

Enoy yourself at the exam - sounds weird, but it's the best way. Show them what you know and take pride doing it!
Exactly that with your family...take a step back from the situation because it sounds like there are so many different 'political' things at play there that you have no influence over. Focus on you and your own immediate family who give you support and just have the grace to smile when they say 'I knew our would make something of herself' in years to come.
Happy birthday!

Birdie40 · 14/01/2008 23:58

I don't blame you for being so angry - you're quite entitled to be.

But it's you who will reap all the benefits of your hard work and dedication, I'm sure you will. I wish that I'd had the guts to do what you're doing now for your future. Hang on in there girl!

It sounds as if they feel they can say these things and behave this way with no consequences - when you feel a bit calmer, perhaps it't time to lay down some rules, at the very least for how they behave in your house.

If you can't face telling them how you feel, or think it would be a waste of breath, you might feel better if you get it all down in a letter to them - you don't need to post if you don't want to, but you'll have told them how bloody awful they're making you feel.

Good luck, Happy Birthday and I hope you can get some sleep soon.

ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 15/01/2008 00:06

Be proud of yourself- and if not remember we are proud of you!

MrsJohnCusack · 15/01/2008 00:38

they feel threatened by you
you are doing BRILLIANTLY

have a great birthday and good luck with the exam. YOu'll do really well and show the feckers what's what

(oh and it's 'my parents' attitude', to answer your question )

chipmonkey · 15/01/2008 00:42

Firefly, happy birthday, sure you're only a youngwan!!!! Best of luck in your exam, you show them!!! Agree with Birdie re the letter but forget about them for now, and concentrate on that dream!
(btw, don't usually hang about in Pedant's Corner but parent's refers to something owned by one parent, parentts' to something owned by both!)

slim22 · 15/01/2008 00:47

Happy B-day and good luck for tomorrow.

Time to be selfish. You got the rest of your life spreading ahead of you. Enjoy!

Niecie · 15/01/2008 01:02

First of all happy birthday!

Your parents have been really mean to you today and I can understand why you are angry but you need to let it go for now and concentrate on your exam otherwise you run the risk of proving them right and that isn't fair.

Your parents sound a lot like my father so I understand totally how your feel. He has spent his life telling me that I need to work hard and get a good job with one breath and with another telling me it is a pointless waste of time and why did I think I was capable of doing it anyway. He too keeps asking who would want me and why did I think I was better than him just because I had a degree.

Thankfully he didn't stop me going to university at 18 but he has never supported any of my choices and he thinks that my current psychology masters is a waste of time too.

It used to really upset me but now I think he is just a jealous, ignorant old mysoginist and is not worth worrying about. Now if he starts I just nod and ignore him. It doesn't make me any the less annoyed at the time but for the sake of my own mental state I can't take any notice. Once he has finished spouting I carry on my way.

Mind you, I am waaaay older than you and it has taken a long time to learn to ignore him!

I hope that you do really well tomorrow. Make sure you enjoy your graduation when it comes - you deserve it. If your parents can't be happy for you, don't invite them and have a wonderful day.

BethMK · 15/01/2008 09:21

Happy happy birthday!!! Hope your exam went well.

Ignore your parents cruel words, it sounds like they are jealous of you - or at the very least just not capable of understanding how useful University can be for some people.

Oh, and you can tell your Dad that I got in the Civil Service with a "pointless" Sociology degree, so he's talking out of his arse!!!!

Have a great day xxx

chrissnow · 15/01/2008 09:34

Happy birthday, hope the exam went well (I'm sure it did). Your mom is jealous that you're doing what she did (i.e raising kids and what she wanted to do - career/degree) Your dad must just be stuck in a 50's timewarp whereby women have no ambition and sit and politely agree with the menfolk. Look to the positive - you have a lifetime of psychology case studies at your very fingertips!!!

Well done for getting so far.

Oh and don't invite them to your graduation, take the people who have cared and supported you (No not the population of MN. . .although I never went to my graduation it would be nice to see what one looks like!!!).

OrmIrian · 15/01/2008 09:37

Hope it went well. A night off before an exam is a good thing generally but I accept that it wasn't exactly restful but presumably took your mind off it.

Your parents sound very callous. Why would you do that to a child of your own?

FunkyGlassSlipper · 15/01/2008 09:37

Happy Birthday!

FWIW I could never stufy after about 5pm the day before an exam as my mind would turn to mush!

Your parents probably just dont understand your choices but that is no excuse for being unsupportive. They are probably worried you will progress and leave them behind.

frogs · 15/01/2008 09:37

FFF2, I was talking to you incognito on the other thread a week or two ago.

You go, girl, be proud of what you've achieved on every front.

And have a lovely birthday!

OrmIrian · 15/01/2008 09:38

Happy Birthday btw!

tinx · 15/01/2008 09:38

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

don't take it to heart
they wont have that attitude when you have a good job you have always wanted.
If it was me, i would make it a life lesson, thank them for teaching you the hard way, to all ways support your children or they will end up resenting you!!!!!!!!!!

some people make me sick