help me out here

[crochetmonkey74]

I have a best friend who is dear to me. She has a strong Christian faith and has done as long as I have known her (20 years plus)
Recently , as she is getting older she is not 'masking' her strongest and therefore most unpopular views. Most recent is that she doesn't believe in divorce, gay marriage etc to the point where she counselled a family member to stay married (in a fairly toxic marriage) she has also said she would disown her child if they were gay and not attend the wedding. I am SO SHOCKED by it as it really doesn't match her outward attitudes etc. I've noticed a few other strange more militant stuff, definitely thinks the end times are coming etc. Anyone here a Christian? What do you do in this situation?

You tell her to fuck off with her homophobic and other archaic thoughts, or at least keep them to herself in your company.

Yes we definitely stay away from the topics but she is expressing them more and more. Not in a aggressive way , more "I'm allowed my faith" sort of opining

Why is she so controversial all the time?

This stuff rarely come up when I meet up with friends.

Is it possible to say ' let's talk about something else. What did you watch last night? '.

call her on it - she's allowed her faith - you are allowed your views. My 74 year old mum is a Christian, active in her church etc - she is also NOT homophobic, divorced, would never expect people to stay in abusive marriage and very open minded - it's not Christianity - she's a bigot

@ghostyslovesheets

call her on it - she's allowed her faith - you are allowed your views. My 74 year old mum is a Christian, active in her church etc - she is also NOT homophobic, divorced, would never expect people to stay in abusive marriage and very open minded - it's not Christianity - she's a bigot
^^^^
THIS
your mum sounds lovely.
God loves us all - so your friend has got it a bit twisted.

Jesus wouldn't be coming out with this shite.

@gobbynorthernbird
That made me chuckle- and no he wouldn't.

It would put me off her tbh. I don't think I'd want to put much effort into the friendship and it would fizzle out.

This is how I feel and also how my mum was. I do cal her on it, I say that jesus wouldn't think that, that it's not OK to be homophobic etc. She has a gay aunty who she does socialise with. Her view is that it is not her place to judge on earth (because jesus wouldnt) but that she believes in a biblical view of the world which I guess means taking the bible as sacrosanct to the letter.
I think her views are either becoming more conservative as she gets older or she has been diluting them previously

I'd be looking at keeping this friendship at arms length.
I couldn't care less what anyone believed in but the moment someone starts to lecture me on their beliefs, I'm gone.

Had it in my youth for many years. Won't tolerate it anymore.

It is putting me off but she is my oldest and best friend and is like family. She is unemdingly generous and supportive to keep and has always been, which is why it is upsetting. It feels like some threads I have read on here when a much loved family member has been sucked into conspiracy theories etc You love them but can't get through to them

This!
I agree you mum sounds great
you can be Christian and not be homophobic etc

If she is like family. Then I would probably avoid talking about those topics she has offensive views on. I would change the subject or give short non committal answers if she keeps on about those subjects.

He was an end times preacher so he'd be coming out with that at least.

She sounds odd.

I know a few Christians (as well as other faiths) and have never heard views like that. I think she is just a bigot and using her faith to make it 'acceptable'.

My DH is RC - I'm a heathen 😂

I'd be interested to know how her views have become more conservative over time. Do you think she's always thought like this and is just not bothering to 'hide' that the older she gets, or has anything else happened - has she changed churches, has the church she goes to changed vicar.... maybe in an interested way ask her what she's been reading / listening to lately - any books / online stuff that's changed her views?
There's a chap called Matt Nightingale on twitter who did a really good thread recently about conversing with fundamentalists and how it's really hard to get through to them because they often know their bibles inside out and can quote it back at you with more besides and interpret it in a very narrow way. He's in the US so slightly different mindset to here, but one thing he said which was really useful was to try and ask people how particular passages/ verses can be applied to them - he used the example of Romans 1 (supposedly anti gay) and how that could apply to his life story, and often finds that the 'fundies' don't have a decent answer to that. So how would your friend think about the 'anti-gay' passages in relation to her aunty? How does she square being close to her aunty with the so called clobber stuff?

She isn't odd or controversial, she literally is a really nice person, in a caring job etc. You would never believe it of her. Also like I say she must've masked or diluted previously.
She isn't using her faith as a cover for bigotry. She really thinks she is following the word of God. I struggled to get her to get the vaccine as she was reading a lot of crazy right wing American Christian stuff, Trump was predicted in the bible etc etc. She is sounding more and more crazy as I write which is what is so incongruous with her normal loveliness

I think I'd try to talk to her, and find out if her views have changed recently.

This sums up exactly my thought process over the last few months.
She squares her aunty being gay by saying jesus wants us to love everyone and it will be God that judges not her

I will definitely investigate matt nightingale, your examples sound very familiar to what I am experiencing

Matt Nightingale's got a website (I didn't know this - I only know him from twitter!), here mattnightingale.com/ which links to his twitter feed and blog; you might find something helpful there.

Thank you. It is really bothering me, I keep mulling on it. She's menopausal too so is irritable a lot and can be grumpy/angry . So definitely more going on

She's a long standing friend but people change. Where's the line? She may be like family, however if I had a family member who was homophobic and tolerant of abuse, along with developing a taste for extreme right wing conspiracy, I wouldn't be spending any time with them either.

Tell her to keep her views to herself as obviously you don't share them? Whenever she brings it up, walk away/hang up/go home?

Yes I always challenge the beliefs. I'm more worried about her. I want to keep our friendship, we are like sisters so just phasing her out isn't an option. I obviously do shut down conversation, or change subject (for clarity she is not saying this stuff frequently, just when it may cone up naturally)