help me out here

[crochetmonkey74]

I have a best friend who is dear to me. She has a strong Christian faith and has done as long as I have known her (20 years plus)
Recently , as she is getting older she is not 'masking' her strongest and therefore most unpopular views. Most recent is that she doesn't believe in divorce, gay marriage etc to the point where she counselled a family member to stay married (in a fairly toxic marriage) she has also said she would disown her child if they were gay and not attend the wedding. I am SO SHOCKED by it as it really doesn't match her outward attitudes etc. I've noticed a few other strange more militant stuff, definitely thinks the end times are coming etc. Anyone here a Christian? What do you do in this situation?

There is some (limited) variety of Christian opinion. Ultimately all of her beliefs are an active choice and decision because you have to choose faith, unlike the lie of sexuality. Faith is a choice because you hold it IN SPITE of rational evidence and membership of a specific congregation a lifestyle choice. So I'd be washing my hands of such a nasty bitch.

I am a Christian who is also gay. (We do exist!)
I have met outwardly Christian people with express very unchristian views on homosexuality, race etc
I generally have the view that the God I believe in doesn't make mistakes and in the well known gospel according to Gaga "I was born this way".
I love "Jesus wouldn't be coming out with this shite" and hope to use it at the next appropriate opportunity.
I also think God must have a sense of humour.

Agreed. It's not unlikely she's using this to justify existing prejudice.

I was at pride at the weekend. There were loads of church flags in the parade in support of the LGBTQ community. She needs to change with the times and not hide her bigotry behind religion.

She is not a nasty batch, never has been

Definitely!

My views exactly. I regularly say the point to her that there are gay Christians who have prayed and have felt a loving and inclusive God accept them, so how could she be hearing a more vehement and bigoted God?

I'm a Christian and it definitely is not a one-size fits all religion. As long as you belief in Jesus and understand the central tenet of forgiveness, everything else is up for grabs depending on which denomination you are.

People who claim their homophobia is faith-related are hiding behind a mask. My church (very old-fashioned C of E) is not remotely homophobic, nor is my gay son's church, nor the chapel he works at. So you could gently enquire whether her vicar/church leaders have become more vehement recently. I left a church because the leadership team were anti-gay. Next nearest church wasn't.

Yes I think as she has left her church and listened to all the fundamental stuff online it has skewed her views a lot

It sounds like she is being radicalised by that other woman, or they went together down the rabbit hole.

It happened to a lot of people during covid, massive changes in personality and mentality, subscribing to various conspiracy theories.

Does she still attend her church? How are her views received there? Is the church leader aware of these changes? Could you make him/her aware of this?

I don't think she was an awful person, I do think she's slowly becoming one and could seriously damage her life the more open and vocal she gets .

I think it depends on the church, I can't get past SPUC so they can all fuck off tbh.

Thank you!! I feel like you really understand the position. I hadn't thought of talking to her old church leader (the inclusive one) but I could definitely do that as her family still attend that one and I know I could speak with him confidentially. I totally agree she is on the way to becoming someone I don't recognise

If she would really disown a child for being gay then nasty bitch sounds accurate.

Indeed she is. however you're also allowed to tell her that opinions are like arseholes, we've all got one and hers fucking stinks,

No, because the bigoted twats would abuse him for coming out.

It isnt accurate in a broader context as detailed in pps

So she wouldn't disown her child?

I'm not here to argue over one point - it's not helpful in a broader context, nor is it adding to the advice or help
If you read my PPs you'll see I am considering and discussing all things- but also clearly saying its not all black and white - and this is a change in behaviour.

To be honest they are not mainstream Christian beliefs, we hold clandestine marriage blessings for gay marriages/civil partnerships and many of us from the vicar downwards are divorced - I personally know half a dozen divorced clergy but this is c of e.

If she's fallen in with extremists it's hard to advise except point out many practicing Christians and divorced, gay or in my friend's case both

I have a small update- her sister is also worried - it came up in conversation without me saying anything so I feel relieved to know her family are also concerned

I really think you should talk confidentially with the pastor of her old church. If she's too far gone , it might not help, but if she isn't he is in a position of authority and faith that can prompt discussion at least, if not immediate change.

Depending where she is in her fundamentalism criticism ,interventions, any perceived forcing will just seem as an attack on her and her faith, which will end up her seeing herself as a martyr ,persecuted like the saints of old and just bury her even deeper in her convictions. The more other people object, the more she'll convince herself she is on the right path.

That's why I suggested OP show her the video I linked upthread. Its non confrontational.

Yes interestingly, years ago I lived in the same street as a family whose daughter had been in a cult- and they were not able to get her out but had become a deprogramming charity for other families- they were often in the local news - and so I read a fair bit of their stuff and this was part of it - if you show dissent - it entrenches their beliefs and makes them feel more bonded to the ones who 'understand' them. It has always stuck with me. I actually have planned to visit the church next week and speak to someone confidentially about it. I think that if her church personally invited her back, it would be a start. She is irritated by the fact that they didn't reach out to her personally in Lockdown, so feels a bit overlooked by them - if they reached out, it may be the first step to get her back to a more moderate view

yes that video was great!