help me out here

[crochetmonkey74]

I have a best friend who is dear to me. She has a strong Christian faith and has done as long as I have known her (20 years plus)
Recently , as she is getting older she is not 'masking' her strongest and therefore most unpopular views. Most recent is that she doesn't believe in divorce, gay marriage etc to the point where she counselled a family member to stay married (in a fairly toxic marriage) she has also said she would disown her child if they were gay and not attend the wedding. I am SO SHOCKED by it as it really doesn't match her outward attitudes etc. I've noticed a few other strange more militant stuff, definitely thinks the end times are coming etc. Anyone here a Christian? What do you do in this situation?

Why is she trying to pretend her offensive views are religious?
Christian or not, ’Don’t be a cunt’ pretty much summarises everything Jesus said or did, and therefore is the basis of the religion. Why anyone would extrapolate from that ‘Jesus would want me to be a cunt in his name’ is beyond me.
Besides, if we’re going to try and guess what Jesus thought about homosexuality, she needs to consider the fact that at a time when marriage was standard, he chose to stay single and hang around with 12 blokes. Far more conclusive than any individual interpretation of thou shall not lie with another man etc.
Just tell her you’ve been discovering your Roman beliefs and think she deserves to be thrown to the lions. It’s no more ridiculous than believing some dude from 2000 years ago cares about your sexual preferences.

She's not pretending, I think she's falling prey to fundamentalist ideas.
I have pointed out that there are many Christians and churches who do not have these views

I don't recognise your friends views as any mainstream Christian faith. Definitely sounds like extreme fundamentalism.

Oops - cross posted with OP

The truest Christians I know are the ones iv only found out by accident or after getting to know them very well. They dont preach or judge. They are very excepting and their faith is very personal to them

Definitely. I was listening to a podcast today and Trump and then Covid have led to more people being vulnerable to it. Her personal circumstances of menopause too are making her cling to it I think . She is feeling a bit lost, feeling older and adrift etc

I was raised in a Christian family and I remember my friend texting me scared as shit because her step dad was beating her mum. I told my parents and it was "dealt with" by the paster of the church. They remained together. It was awful. They were so against divorce that they just brushed it under the carpet. My parents have also cast aside the gay community because of what the church says about it. Its horrid. I respect people's religion whatever it may be but sorry I couldn't stand by and be friends with someone with those views.

This is what is confusing me though, she has this cognitive dissonance. She has a gay aunty's who she hasn't cast aside. She has an openly gay close colleague that she works well with. She has been tolerant and caring in the past. That's why I'm worried at the change
It's like her words don't match the woman she has always been

OP I could have written your post. A close friend of mine was longterm sick and so took early retirement. Always a doer, she got bored and started attending functions at the local church.
To cut a long story short, she became obssessed. Refused to take her kids trick or treating as Halloween wasn't Christian, stopped talking to her bil as he was gay (dh brother) lectured me about blaspheming, tried to convert me from my "hippy dippy spirituality" actually being really very rude and unkind at times.
She became impossible and would make weird inappropriate comments when we were out.
I tried to talk to her about it as did her dh who was worried about her mh. She was spending longer at church things than with her family. She wasn't having it and I reluctantly let our friendship drift...she didn't see me as often anyway as she prefered Jesus!
I honestly don't know what's happened to her and her family as I just let go. It's sad and hurts but you may have to do the same.

I'm so glad someone else has the experience too. I'm not at the point of thinking I can let her go as I am hoping she will come back. Do you know what triggered it in your friend? Did her marriage survive it?

I read an article yesterday, maybe in the Guardian? or maybe it was a twitter thread, saying how adult converts are often overzealous in a way that people born into a faith aren't. It was a really interesting take on it, although it doesn't seem to apply here. but maybe she's becoming radicalised for some reason?

It is lovely that you care about your friend, OP, but i don't think you can really worry over her like this, she's a grown woman and must choose her own path. What you can do is insist that these topics aren't for discussion when you are there, and if she values your friendship she will respect that.

Yes of course, I'm not spending every day fretting but also it's not as easy as just dumping her and moving on. Like I say, she is like a sister. I know chat forums like an easy fix "tell her to fuck off and don't be friends anymore" but as pps have said, it's a longer process and requires thought about how to help her.

If you think she's entrenched in a new dogma and want to help her get some perspective, don't tackle it head on. It will just push her further towards her new views. Try to think of a way to get her to consider how far she has moved. Its better if she can realise it herself.
Would she watch a 20 minute video with you?

A really nice person wouldn't disown their child for being gay, or encourage someone to stay in a toxic relationship.

She is much loved and this is a change.
Unlike MN, real life is often not so black and white and we don't all just dump people who need help

People don't just become awful and bigoted over night. It's any children she might have that I feel sorry for.

what kind of church does she go to ?

It hasn't been overnight, but it has been during covid. She was going to a very mainstream church in our town. Large, young, friendly and inclusive. I'd been several times as a guest and enjoyed but despite not really having a faith. During lockdown she started watching a lot of the American mega churches and the prophets. She has a fervent friend who is also heading towards fundamental (despite having a gay daughter and having been married 3 times) this friend has set up a house church and so far it's the 2 of them, but fuelled by all the online American stuff

Two people meeting isn't a house church; your friend has a new friend who is grooming her into fundamentalism, and she has lost all perspective.

I think it's up to you whether you can continue to be friends with someone who believes these horrible things.

If she goes on with her faith, test her on it:

Yes- I am reading quite a lot about how to help her get her perspective back

I love this- and it's why I feel that a biblical view of the world is bonkers

100% this.

I am no longer religious, but I was brought up in the Church of Scotland (family members are ministers, Kirk Elders etc, I was confirmed at 15) and the family members and friends I have now who call themselves Christians are among the most tolerant and accepting people I know, who go out of their way to help and serve their communities.

IMO, a lot of people like to say 'I'm a Christian!' while forgetting that Jesus preached love and tolerance of all - "Love your neighbour as yourself."

Even Paul (who was a bit of a git) says in his letter to the Corinthians: "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

totally agree - my mum was a lovely, inclusive, gentle and loving christian