People who ignore you

[Scarlypopsmummy]

Bit confused by people who will say hi in certain places then ignore you at others. My daughter has music lessons straight after a boy she is at school with. The boys mum had always said hi and we have occasionally had conversations outside the music teacher's house. When I see this mum at school, she actively looks away as if I've never seen her before!
I have experienced it before with another person. I find it a bit unnecessary and confusing that you wouldn't just say hi to acquaintances even if you do barely know them?? Am I being unreasonable to think you can say hi without the need to become friends? I wonder if I come across as over friendly so I feel like I have to scale myself back and now don't speak to the music mum at the lessons and wait in the car.
I understand it's trivial compared to life's problems in general but just interested if other people experience this.

I do this. Not intentionally.
I suffer from social anxiety/ possibly autistic.
I may see a parent out of school and be able to say hi have a small convo but in school where its really busy and loads of other people I can be very socially awkward and struggle to make eye contact so may just pretend I'm busy and I will feel quite panicky- although some days I'm fine.

Don't instantly think she's rude or I ignorant like other posters have said. There could be lots of reasons why she's ignored you.

That's true. Sometimes I just can't recognise faces.

Why do you think it's a British thing?

I am often that mum who is chasing her child at school too, and only have vision for making sure child is safe as the situation is very stressful for me so I also block folk out. I am too preoccupied to stop for a chat, but most other parents will notice that.

Eugh I hate this, I think these people are like they are in the situations they ignore you in but tend to say hi sometimes when they feel too anxious not to. So with this last when it's just you and her after music lesson she'll be polite but when she's surrounded by more people she probably has more confidence to be an idiot shall we say and ignore you. Start ignoring her she's not worth your time op xx

Some people aren't good with remembering faces. They recognise you outside a music lesson, because they see you every week in the same place. Then if they walk into you in an airport or somewhere out of their routine, they can't place you, get confused and embarrassed, and blank you.

The other person then takes offence were none was meant.

Even if you're not good at remembering faces that shouldn't matter.
If someone says hello or waves,you do it back.
It's rude not too

I have often said hello back to people I don't recognise,and it's only later the penny dropped who they were.

I think it comes down to,they have no one else to talk too at music so you'll do.
Schools they have their mates so you're not wanted.
Bring a book and earphones to the next music session. By

Oh yeah I have an anxiety disorder too, I tend to be smiley and stuff but because I’m mildly panicking every time I am in a situation where people may talk to me I don’t always hear stuff. It could be numerous things from she’s a twat to she has a crippling MH problem. You just carry on being smiley and chatty, don’t let it put you off.

YANBU though it’s a horrible feeling and I loathe anyone who would do that purposefully. But I hope you can see there are a bunch of us who would absolutely mean no harm and absolutely do not take it personally.

@BorderlineHappy exactly. It's not always about knowing who the person actually is.

I live in a quiet rural area where, when out on walks, most people who pass acknowledge each other with a "morning" or "hello." I don't know any of them personally, it's just polite.

People blame anxiety disorders on everything. Even if you can't speak, maybe just a nod or a smile? It's really not difficult.

Exactly this.

Haha laughed out loud to this. I agree, does seem odd the amount of people who don't recognise people out of context.
OP has seen this women multiple times at the lesson and at the school. She's being ignored and Lord only knows why.
Could it be like a mean girls parody where she doesn't think you're a cool mum, and wants to keep in with the clique? Sounds ridiculous but I've heard of these school mum gangs (never actually encountered them though).
Regardless, don't wait in your car and let this bother you, it really is her problem; not yours.

*id also add, where kids are involved it is slightly more in context. The women would recognise her as a parent in both settings.

@Hurstlandshome definitely a Mean Girls parody, I think!

I had this with two particular mum's of DC when mine were young and am pretty sure it's nothing to do with them not recognising me out of context. They were perfectly happy to chat when we were both on the rota for washing up after pre-school but the next day completely blanked me when I smiled and said hi.
Both think they are a cut above the plebs like me and I was definitely not a candidate for their clique. Thankfully they whisked their little darlings off to private school so I didn't have to see them much again. 😁

I've had people do that to me and have always found it odd. But then recently colleagues have said I have walked past them in the street and ignored them when I was on my lunch break! Completely unintentional on my part. So I am a bit more forgiving of it now,and think pethaps people have a lot on their minds or are in their own little world.

Social anxiety? Plain old rudeness?

Could be anything OP but it’s not you, it’s them!

Social anxiety? I'm like this, I'm not rude I just panic as I haven't got a clue what to talk about.

I also struggle to recognise faces, could see you a million times but still can't place your face due to cognitive issues with my brain.

It's not just a British thing at all. Why do people always think that about anything negative? I'm not even originally British myself, so not being defensive!

I've live in two European countries and another country outside Europe and this is just as common in those places. I'd say maybe the difference is the place you grown up, especially if it is quite small, you may find more people talk to you. As a chronic outsider who has moved around a lot and doesn't have a standard British accent etc, I do think it's less to do with nationality and maybe being "not from around here" which makes some people frosty. And that happens with some people in every country I've lived in. Sad, but true! Not all people though. Mostly, people are perfectly nice wherever you go.

I do this a lot. It’s so embarrassing and I’d hate to think someone might be hurt that I’d ignored them. I’m just really bad with remembering faces. Sometimes I see someone I know vaguely and I think so I know them or are they famous. That’s how bad my recognition skills are 🤦🏻‍♀️

I really don’t believe that all of the instances of people apparently actively ignoring others is as bad as it seems.

I never forget a face but the way my head works, I am to quote my Mother lost in a world of my own. For context if I am reading anything at all and not just some deep and interesting novel I literally don’t hear other people. I think too deeply it’s not always interesting or intellectual. So I have very probably ignored people by accident.

Yep this - me too. Also, maybe it sounds silly but I always assume people I recognise won’t recognise me. Like I’m too easily forgettable and will embarrass myself if I wave or say hi :(

I used to do this sometimes when I was younger and it was down to shyness, social anxiety.
I definitely wouldn't initiate an hello, I would respond to one but I'm sure that sometimes because my voice was very quiet it may have been missed.
I might also add when I was younger I should have worn glasses and I struggle recognising people out of context at times.
Unless someone is dramatically snubbing you, or they are doing it in certain contexts for e.g. when around their important friends. I would just assume it's not personal and something is probably going on.

Seeing people out of context is one thing.
But she sees this person every week at practice.
If she'd seen her at the supermarket or cinema I'd agree.
But she's actively ignoring the op afterwards at school.
That's just plain rude.

I think this hits the nail on the head so to speak 😂
Thanks for all your replies xx