People who ignore you

[Scarlypopsmummy]

Bit confused by people who will say hi in certain places then ignore you at others. My daughter has music lessons straight after a boy she is at school with. The boys mum had always said hi and we have occasionally had conversations outside the music teacher's house. When I see this mum at school, she actively looks away as if I've never seen her before!
I have experienced it before with another person. I find it a bit unnecessary and confusing that you wouldn't just say hi to acquaintances even if you do barely know them?? Am I being unreasonable to think you can say hi without the need to become friends? I wonder if I come across as over friendly so I feel like I have to scale myself back and now don't speak to the music mum at the lessons and wait in the car.
I understand it's trivial compared to life's problems in general but just interested if other people experience this.

It’s only in Britain that they I’ve observed this behaviour. It was very confusing to me for a long time. At uni, my friend from Spain became very distressed by this. I personally just ignored such people and whenever they deemed it worthy to say hi to me again, I simply did not acknowledge their existence.

I did ask one person in particular, who regularly blanked my friend from Spain, why he did this. The answer I got was that it was awkward say hi to the same person often.

It’s just weird behaviour. Makes no sense.

I'm definitely looking out for the wasp chewers tomorrow 😂😂

As they say good manners don’t cost anything.

Don’t waste your time being polite to rude people.

Taste of their own medicine is the best way (imo).

My DH and eldest DC never ever recognise anyone outside of context. If you are Music Class Parent they would greet you there and chat each week… and never at school yard/supermarket/park. I’m often smoothing over inadvertent offence on their behalf.

I never assume someone who blanks me is doing it from ill will. People have their own complex and unknown stuff going on. I doubt I’m significant enough in their mind to figure.

in most cases in life I repeat the mantra “it’s not about me”

I do this. I try and be invisible and think nobody will notice me anyway. I'm very socially awkward. My son has autism and adhd and he's basically a mini me so I think I have undiagnosed problems.

I also have the not recognising people out of context problem. Blank people all the time and have to apologise. Cannot help it. I am very friendly and smiley in general though and if someone was clearly trying to say hi, I'd probably acknowledge it.

The other thing is the shool pick up isn't somewhere I talk to a lot of people. I tend to just pick up my kids and go.

All that said, I've had this too and not sure why it is, but I'm over it and since I unintentionally blank people all the fucking time, I wouldn't have a leg to stand on if I found it annoying

I don’t recognise people out of context. I’m also very busy so sometimes lost in thought as I’m marching down the street and don’t notice people. It’s actually quite shit as I’m sure some people think I’m a bitch.

I once walked past my own brother and didn't recognise him... He had to tap me on the shoulder and I was like what does this weirdo want?! hahah!

This- also some people just shy. Or find it really embarrassing to say hello to someone and not be recognised or heard so they avoid it. It's not about you so don't let it bother you.

Yes can see what you mean. Its

hard to tell whether people are being rude or are just uncomfortable in some situations. Other times it's obvious.

My instinct is always to wave back or smile back. So even if I don’t know someone buy they smile at me, I smile back anyway through habit and also just in case.

I don’t think I could ignore a smiling person who seemed to know me, I’d have to think, they must know me and I just can’t place them at the moment.

Out of context is a biggie
I've got a terrible memory for faces but good with names
Also I go round without glasses half the time which doesn't help
Could be a mix

They do not recognise you in a different context. This is me.

I am very friendly and smiley in general though and if someone was clearly trying to say hi, I'd probably acknowledge it

Oh how very generous of you -"probably" deigning to acknowledge someone who was clearly trying to say hi.

What a weird thing to admit 🤔

I often don't recognise people out of context. Even when the context may be obvious to other people. I don't tend to blank people if I realise they're talking to me - I do respond with a "hello / good morning / whatever", but sometimes it's very obvious I've no idea what's going on or who I'm talking to!

I would say hi to someone if it’s just the two of us away from playground. It’s less daunting then. But in playground I know so many aquaintances I feel it’s not necessary. I keep my head down and presume that they have more important people to speak to. Paranoid now I am looking rude

Well clearly in the UK there is a I-have-problems-recognising-people-out-of-context pandemic. Why are people in the UK and in particular on Mumsnet suffering from this condition at a rate one can only assume must be of huge concern for the medical profession.

I see a lot of these types of posts and tbh and in the nicest possible way I think people massively overthink this.

In the vast majority of cases this is just confusion/short-sightedness/business/shyness.

It's not ideal but not everyone wants to have their game face on all the time and sometimes people just can't face human contact.

As someone who at various times and in different contexts has been both extrovert and confident and shy and anxious, I also know the anxious types read far more into this than is there and most of the time the confident/extrovert people just haven't considered it.

Only way to deal with it is just to develop a hide of iron, have other things going on and never expect too much from acquaintances.

it might not be deliberate ignoring. Some people (I'm one) are extremely bad at recognizing people visually and often fail to do so out of context. It can be very embarrassing, but is certainly not intentional. Or they may be very preoccupied when picking their children up from school, especially if under time pressure, and may not notice anything but the matter at hand.

Why people so fucking quick to judge?

Loads of people have trouble recognising people out of context. I regularly walk past friends and colleagues on the street without realising. I don't look at people's faces as I pass and I'm focusing on where I need to go.

It sounds like she recognises you in the context of music lessons because you knows you're X's mum and that you're picking X up and you're probably the only other person there. In a sea of faces, she may not realise you're X's mum from music lessons.

Why are you so determined to believe it's not a thing?

I go to the same supermarket every week and I recognise some of the staff when I'm in there, and they recognise me. I like to go to the woman with black hair and glasses because she's friendly and scans the stuff quickly. If she waved at me in the pub, I sure as shit would have no idea who she was.

I need to know someone quite well to recognise them outside of the context I usually see them. And sometimes even then I just don't notice them because I'm thinking about something else or preoccupied. I'm having some serious health issues and they're on my mind a lot. I'm thinking I need to call the doctor back, or I wonder how much time I need to leave to get to hospital next week during train strikes or I must remember to check the mailbox when I get in in case I've got a results letter. I'm certainly not thinking 'oh there's Mandy from Accounts, I'll just ignore her on purpose'.

Some people just seem to think the world revolves around them, IMO.

Loads? So why is this very much a British thing and why does it seem to affect only certain groups of people?

She doesn't need you at school because she has better offers ( in her eyes).

Outside music lessons there is no one else to talk to so you'll do.

She is using you.

Just stay polite but don't feel bad. She is just rude.

She's worried you're going to try and join her clique. If she speaks to you in school then you might try and stand with her etc so it's easier for her to ignore you. It's her way of putting you in your place. I don't buy into the social anxiety idea tbh. She's just rude.