Wedding during GCSE’s

[Deb32154]

A close family member is getting married mid week during GCSE’s. My DD is a bridesmaid. She has an exam the next day so we aren’t staying for the evening do.
We don’t know what time the day do will finish but I’m anticipating c6:30pm as evening do starts at 7:30.
My husband thinks I’m not putting my DD 1st by wanting to stay until 6:30 and says he will get up and leave at 6 whether the meal is finished or not.
We are an hour and half drive away so finishing at 6:30 would be home for 8 allowing an hours last minute revision and half an hour wind down before bed.
She currently has a run of 4 days with no exams so can prepare but has one the day of the wedding and one the day after.
Am I being selfish / unreasonable wanting to stay until the meal has finished?

No and so long as she is prepared, a break might do her good. I always think a bit of distraction can help with the stress. Your plan still gets her home in time for a good sleep

Your husband is being crazy. You shouldn’t have agreed to her being in the wedding if you’ll leave during the meal!
also, is an hours last minute revision absolutely necessary? Surely if she doesn’t know it by now she won’t? Let her have a nice day at the weeding. Aim to be home by 9/10 for a good nights sleep.

Why on earth did you agree for her to be bridesmaid in the first place at this time of year.

Even with the drive home it's not late at all, DS has been out doing stuff in the evenings during exams. He seems to be doing OK so far. It would be really rude to up and leave during the meal. Even if it finished at 730 you wouldn't be that late home.

And personally I don't agree with them doing an hours last minute revision, just means they haven't worked hard enough leading up to it.

Be prepared in things such as where you park the car so it is easy to leave, no late nights beforehand. Seems Ok to leave at 630.

Ask your daughter

She should not be going to the wedding - who thought it would be a good idea to rsvp? GCSEs are way above a wedding in order of priority- your daughter needs to be well rested and focused and there’s not way she can be while performing as a bridesmaid.

Leaving during the middle of the meal for the sake of half an hour is crazy imo. As is having her do an hour of revision at 8pm after a big day. She obviously knew the wedding was coming up and her exams, she can take one day off.
This level of micromanaging her revision sounds stressful.

Your DH is being daft. It would be the height of rudeness to leave during the meal, for the sake of half an hour enjoy your time and make your way home prior to the evening do. She will still have time to wind down before bed and hopefully get a decent night's sleep.

Ah I see I’m in the minority. The day before a GCSE/ uni exam was crunch time- it’s when 99% of my revision took place. So part time jobs, events etc would have been absolutely stressful.

OP knows her daughter best- if OPs daughter is usually last minute with homework and coursework then this is a catastrophic idea. If she works well in advance normally then maybe the wedding is doable.

@LateAF its a bit late to decide if it’s doable now though, isn’t it? Their daughter is already a bridesmaid? They can’t back out now.

They can say now the GCSE timetable is out their daughter is stressing, but yes maybe too late to back out now without upsetting the bride. Personally I wouldn’t have agreed it in the first place.

Last week and this week were very busy with exams it was madness but there are very few left now only one science core next week and the other are options. So she should have plenty of time to revise

Most have two or three exams at the most and she has lots of time to prepare. Is she still at school or did they go on study leave?.

Daft to leave at 6pm. I'd leave at 7pm latest and she can take her notes in the car and red in way home or watch revision videos!

There's two sciences next week actually. I sympathise but maybe leave it to your daughter.

If she has 4 clear days before the wedding then she can revise then. She doesn't need to cram on the evening before the exam.

She can just rest after what will be a busy day.

Your dh is UR for being so specific about leaving at 6pm instead of 6.30pm. What's 30mins difference?!

This.
And there are two exams after this wedding.
I think your DH is right if the meal drags on, he wants her to be home at a reasonable time.
Depends how confident you are about her exams in general, and this exam in particular.
I think your relative should be understanding and satisfied if she does the ceremony, the pictures and part of the lunch with a pre arranged cut off time, so they know why you are leaving. You made it to the event and wished them well. They have to accept that you can't do much about exams.

What subject is the exam the next day? If its something you or dh have any basic knowledge of, chuck a few pop quiz style questions at her during the drive home.

Sorry, just to be clear. It was the "crunch time" comment I agreed with because that is how it was with me and also my DCs

You need to make it clear to your husband that your daughter does not need him acting stressed, annoyed etc with the time. It'll stress her out.

She has an exam the day of the wedding. So the rest of the day being able to relax will do her the world of good. His attitude and behaviour should not stress her out.

I'd be happy enough getting home before 9, and letting her have a quick read through if she really wanted to but ultimately just let her go to bed probably. She either knows it or she doesn't. What she doesn't need is being told she doesn't have enough time and should be doing this or that. It's not fair.

I don't see how 30 minutes is going to make any difference, however, I'm also in the "crunch time" camp and there's no way I'd have been happy doing a wedding and dinner the night before an exam unless it was something I wasn't arsed about. I'd probably just do the ceremony and a drink.

Am I reading it right that she actually has an exam the day of the wedding? So she has a morning exam, hour and a half drive to attend a wedding for a couple of hours, hour and a half drive back, then another exam the next day. That seems crazy to me.

@aramox1 you are right there are two my mistake!

That would've really stressed me out the night before GCSEs. The exam results are for life, they're important. I completely disagree with people saying about last minute revision. I got 8 A*s and 2 As (in the 1990s) and I revised right up until going into the exam hall. What I did the night before and the morning before often stayed with me. It doesn't mean you didn't work hard up to it at all, it means that people have different ways of doing things.