Wedding during GCSE’s

[Deb32154]

A close family member is getting married mid week during GCSE’s. My DD is a bridesmaid. She has an exam the next day so we aren’t staying for the evening do.
We don’t know what time the day do will finish but I’m anticipating c6:30pm as evening do starts at 7:30.
My husband thinks I’m not putting my DD 1st by wanting to stay until 6:30 and says he will get up and leave at 6 whether the meal is finished or not.
We are an hour and half drive away so finishing at 6:30 would be home for 8 allowing an hours last minute revision and half an hour wind down before bed.
She currently has a run of 4 days with no exams so can prepare but has one the day of the wedding and one the day after.
Am I being selfish / unreasonable wanting to stay until the meal has finished?

Going out the day before may ir may not stress her out. Depends on the child.

I would have been completely stressed at this situation as a child, my DH less so.

How does your DD feel about it?

Same. I'm another crunch timer. Now diagnosed as an adult with ADHD. So don't agree with a PP that if you need to revise last minute then you haven't worked hard enough. Also some people just like the reassurance of going back over things.

I think OP it should be your daughter's decision not yours or your husband's. It's her life, her exams, and she knows best what would make her feel most comfortable.

@PaddingtonBearStareAgain I get that. It wouldn't have stressed me out but then again I know I wouldn't have bothered to do anything after the first exam, and instead would have woken up about 6am and done a couple of hours before the exam the next day. I used to find it very very hard to revise for one subject after completing the test for another, was always too exhausted and needed the mental break from it. So a day away wouldn't have made a difference to me!

OP hasn't really mentioned her daughters revisions style really, so you're right, it's hard to know isn't it. Better for OP to ask her than for her and husband to argue about it I suppose.

Sorry but that is just rubbish. I always worked very hard and got very good grades but in this situation not being able to revise the day before would have completely stressed me oit.

She was given the choice to go or not originally and wanted to be involved. She didn’t want to go to the evening do as she struggles with late nights, hence we said no to that. It’s a paper 3 exam and she’s well prepared, but says she will want to read her flash cards on the journey home and be back in time to chill a little before bed. S

Weddings are often arranged 18months or more in advance, the GCSE exam timetable is usually out around Christmas so it could just be an unfortunate clash. Knowing how stressed youngsters get during exams, being a bridesmaid and going to at least a part of the after-do might do her the world of good.

YANBU. DS had his boyfriend over yesterday and they baked cakes after dinner until 9pm, DH took him home at 9 and got back with DS at 10 (usual bedtime). They both had an exam today!
They need down time, not relentless pressure and a night off for a wedding is perfectly reasonable.

Your daughter shouldn’t be going. She should stay and do her exams without rushing around

Is this this year or next year?

Personally I don't think an exam plus 3hrs in the car is a great way to be refreshed for an exam the next day so I would probably have declined the DC going at all.

I also think that although no 'new' information will be being learned, refreshing it all the day before the exam is a pretty good plan, it gets it back front and centre in the brain.

Your DH is being a little extreme as half hour won't make any difference.

It is surprising to go to a wedding and hour and half drive away when she has an exam that day and the day after , however since you are going , it's DDs choice, and it may be a lovely break, then I don't think DH making a fuss over an extra half hour as being reasonable.

OP. It's totally doable in fact we did it a couple of weeks ago.

I picked up DD1 after her morning exam, we were home in 10 minutes and then it was something like a Formula 1 pit stop! We'd all got ready while she was at school. Everything was laid out for her, DD2 did her makeup for her and we were out of the house in 30 minutes. There was an hour and a quarter drive.

Had a lovely day with the family & left at 7 just as the evening crowd were arriving.

Only difference was that she wasn't a bridesmaid.

Joining the chorus of crunch-timers. This would have totally discombobulated me (also ND). I would never have agreed to it in the first place, but since it's too late to pull out, I would leave after the ceremony.

I do think you are being selfish wanting to stay until the meal finishes, yes. It's so much less important than your daughter's future.

Leaving before meal is over is more likely to be much more stressful for your DD, especially if you DH is fretting about over it.

Either skip the meal or stay until the end of it.

Yes wedding was arranged well before and was difficult to see whether exams would be finished by then given the last few years disruption , I understand they have run on longer this year to spread them out. Her earlier weeks she had 7 exams in the week so was full on with 2 a day. The timetable means she has just the 3 exam week so she is quite chilled about it but does like a quick read through flash cards the night before and then morning before.

@LateAF

Really?? She’s going to be a bridesmaid, not running a marathon

We declined a family wedding invite because DD had gcses this year, it was the bank holiday weekend and the next week was chocka block full of exams. Dh went on his own though.
It depends entirely on your DD and how she feels really.

My DD has a sports competition this weekend (as do many of her teammates) which involves an overnight stay and back late Sunday evening. She has used this week sensibly to prepare for the exam on Monday and will read through her notes over the weekend in preparation for the exam. My DH and I made this decision some time ago to let her do the competition after a lot of talking it through with DD. I think there has to be some balance between the exams and doing/attending important events.

Which exams does she have? I’m presuming it’s next week.

I’d be more worried about having the exam in the morning and then travelling to the wedding - how long is the morning exam and when is the wedding?

Like some others on this thread pretty much all my revision before any exam took place the day and night before, and the morning of the exam.

So it really depends on revision styles - a wedding the day before that eats into the majority of someone’s productive revision time is tiring and stressful (even if it’s not a marathon).

OP has clarified that her daughter prepares well in advance so it shouldn’t be a problem for her.

I think it’s madness to have accepted mid gcse. Does she want to go? I can see his point that stuff drifts lots on worse weddings thread recently saying they had to stand and wait outside as evening party started late due to speeches overrunning. I’d definitely agree a final cut off time when you do leave. And leave no saying goodbyes after then.

Do what your daughter wants to do!

My mother used to tell me " there is no point cramming now."

Like previous poster I KNEW I could cram in lots of extra facts revising right up to the exam. I would have refused to go to the wedding if it was me.

Your husband is being ridiculous. Leaving before the meal is finished will make zero difference to your DD's exam but it will look rude.

If she's well prepared then relaxing and enjoying the wedding will do her good I would think. If she's not well prepared then don't go or leave early. If it was maths or English or a subject she really needs I'd be more cautious but really I can't see what difference a day off makes if you've revised well, apart from maybe helping.

There's still plenty of time to do last minute revision though if thats what they want to do, they are getting back 8/9pm not midnight. I personally can't see the issue.