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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wedding during GCSE’s

64 replies

Deb32154 · 16/06/2022 18:42

A close family member is getting married mid week during GCSE’s. My DD is a bridesmaid. She has an exam the next day so we aren’t staying for the evening do.
We don’t know what time the day do will finish but I’m anticipating c6:30pm as evening do starts at 7:30.
My husband thinks I’m not putting my DD 1st by wanting to stay until 6:30 and says he will get up and leave at 6 whether the meal is finished or not.
We are an hour and half drive away so finishing at 6:30 would be home for 8 allowing an hours last minute revision and half an hour wind down before bed.
She currently has a run of 4 days with no exams so can prepare but has one the day of the wedding and one the day after.
Am I being selfish / unreasonable wanting to stay until the meal has finished?

OP posts:

TheMarzipanDildo · 17/06/2022 19:57

We went on holiday in the middle of my AS levels- one day at a wedding can’t hurt too much! It might give her an incentive to be prepared

countdowntonap · 17/06/2022 20:10

GCSEs - no apostrophe.

Merryoldgoat · 17/06/2022 20:17

I’ve said YABU because I’ve never been to a wedding that ran to time and if you expect it to finish at 6.30 most likely it’ll be gone 7.

I think studying would be a write off after that too - excitement and exhaustion of the day etc.

Comefromaway · 17/06/2022 20:21

A close family member got married at the weekend during DD’s GCSE’s. She didn’t attend. No way would I expect her to be at a function the afternoon before an exam.

beepbeephello · 17/06/2022 20:31

countdowntonap · 17/06/2022 20:10

GCSEs - no apostrophe.

Yawn

ChicCroissant · 17/06/2022 20:31

We don’t know what time the day do will finish

So if the meal was still ongoing at 6.30pm you wouldn't leave then either, OP?

RubricEnemy · 17/06/2022 20:47

I wouldn't have agreed for her to be part of the wedding. But you did, which suggests you and dd do not have a problem with the distraction or the time taken before an exam. Fair enough. Given that you are both comfortable with her being there, I don't think an extra hour will make any difference whatsoever. Yanbu.

RealBecca · 17/06/2022 20:50

Do what she wants to do.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/06/2022 20:52

No, an evening off may be just what she needs.
tbh, if she doesn’t know her stuff by then, she never will.

enjoy the wedding and best of luck to your daughter.

SkadoodleLou · 17/06/2022 20:58

Give her the night off. Quite frankly as these exams have been so spaced out Ds is sick to death of revision. Even now on what it technically study leave he has 3 hours of science revision in school on Saturday mornings, plus 2 hour revision sessions in afternoons for the exam the next morning including an in school booster before the exam too. He couldn't be more prepared.

Usually exams have finished by now, it was only the spacing out for Covid that meant they have lasted longer. We also declined a wedding but it is over 3 hours away for us and an evening only invite on a weekday. Impossible.

She can always get up earlier the next day if she feels the need to do more revision.

Kite22 · 17/06/2022 20:59

If she is bridesmaid, then presumably the B&G are pretty close, so why on earth didn't you get them to factor this in when planning the day?

Whereas I do think your dh is being ridiculous in thinking he is going to walk out at 6pm, regardless, I do think it very odd that anyone would accept an offer to be bridesmaid on the same day as an exam with an exam the day afterwards. Not knowing the timetable makes it even worse - what if she had had 2 exams on the day ?

lanthanum · 17/06/2022 21:02

Go with what DD wants to do. Preferably make sure the decision is made in advance, so there's no stressed argument if the meal is dragging on. It's also not unreasonable to ask when the meal is expected to finish - no doubt the venue has some sort of timetable for that, and you'll probably also want the family to know if you're going to be beating a hasty exit so that they're not offended if you don't have a chance to say goodbyes.

We skipped a family wedding at half-term - with hindsight, we could have gone, but we didn't know when RSVPing whether DD would want to be able to focus on revision. However we are going out for the day between exams next week, because it's now clear that she won't suffer for doing that (and unfortunately I won't be able to get a day off once she's finished exams).

Goldfishmountainclimber · 18/06/2022 14:19

Honestly, I would not have agreed to going to the wedding. The GCSE’s are too important.

FizzyTango · 18/06/2022 14:36

Actually it's your daughter's decision, and you should make it clear you will support her either way and not pressure her. She is 16 and old enough to know if cramming last minute helps, or she wants a break from revision, how confident she feels etc.
I do really well in exams, but for me the day before is crucial, no way would I have coped with going to a wedding. Other people are different though.

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