Mother of the bride/groom-Zillas

[imperialminty]

I'm planning a wedding, and I'm on a lot of bride groups on facebook and read a lot of wedding-related things online, and I've noticed a massive trend that in people having mothers (their own or their partner's) turn into complete narcissists during wedding planning. We've had a few issues with our own being demanding, but I mostly wanted to know if anyone here has BEEN a Mother of the Bride/Groom who has been demanding about your child's wedding?

E.g - my Mum completely put her foot down when we discussed getting married just the two of us. She said it would break her heart etc., and she'd never get over it and would write me out of her will!!! We've had a couple of similar amateur dramatics from both Mum's over very minor things, so it's not just big stuff. That's a common theme in the groups. I'm fascinated by this complete 180 some people (and it is almost always Mum's) seem to do when their children get engaged. In my opinion, if you're not contributing a significant amount of money to the wedding, you don't get an opinion. If you're asked - sure! But even then the couple don't have to take your advice.

So - why? Have you ever behaved like this about a wedding? What was the thought process? (Or what do you think if it happened to you!)

When I was organising my wedding my DF had the hump because I didn't want to get married in a Catholic church. My parents are Irish Catholic. For a year it took me to organise my Wedding, it wasn't mentioned at my parents home. I was lucky to have amazing friend who I would have dinner with every week and she was excited just as much as me and helped me out with some of the Wedding preparations.
The morning before my Wedding, I had to take the cake to the reception and when I arrived, I was told my uncle had booked in extra guests to the Wedding breakfast and was I ok with this. Not a phone call to me and I was so fed-up at this point that I said, yes. All good. My DF wouldn't let me know if he would like any relatives from Ireland to come to the Wedding. He still had a mood over it. We were paying for our big day, not a penny from my parents which I did not expect but I did expect them to be happy i was getting married and not to have to put up with all the fuss over a church wedding. The day it self was beautiful, registry office was lovely and the reception was brilliant. We decided to have a free bar for everyone. Wanted to have a party with all our family and friends. I look back and it really took the shine of the lead up to my Wedding with the way my DF was but the day its self was perfect and honeymoon.

@Blackberrybunnet "We have now been married for 46 years, and she is dead."

😂this cracked me up

Crap... Were you the bride at the wedding I ran???

Thanks @LadyOfTheCanyon It is a work in progress to be honest.

@SummerSiesta was your friend dumped by her fiance or was the fiance dumped by his family?

Then how many people betting on who would have an affair first

To be fair I live in the USA and haven't seen any MILzilla behavior, in fact I have been to a modest wedding where I felt overdressed as many guests were in jeans and t-shirts!!
On the other hand some occasions are very formal such as my daughter being in her best friends Quinceanera Court when she practiced a dance with all the other 15 yr olds on the Court for weeks before the event and they girls all wore matching dresses while the boys were in suits a la :

They don't all have that. Bridal shower (maybe a couple of them thrown by work friends, personal friends) rehearsal dinner and the wedding itself the norm. The people on bridal forums tend to be a set of bridezillas, that is why they are on those forums.

My mum wore a wedding dress to my wedding.

SURPRISE!!!

And everybody complimented her.😳

Some of these are so funny. We were lucky both sets of parents contributed and whilst there were as the odd comment. Dm was put out the wedding wasn't closer to her house and mil made a shitty comment about the cake but overall I'd say we got off lightly! Both contributed dm a set amount and mil offered same as dil wedding. (We got lucky dil got married first and had a v spenny wedding so their contribution covered most of cost of our wedding.) Can't wait for my childrens weddings I think if there are any issues it will be money. Both dds have expensive tastes so I'm thinks a set amount each is the was to go.

@s0upertrooper she was dumped, the family phoned her to tell her it was over and to pack her bags and leave the house, and the ex fiance didnt make contact until the baby arrived which was so bizarre. Friend has been amazing throughout despite how horrendous it has all been, we laugh about it now but goodness me she had a lucky escape!

My mum was really weird about my wedding. She didn't want us to get married, although she loves my husband more than me I think. She just didn't think it was "necessary".

We had a v small wedding on a weekday (with just immediate family and a friend each) and then a bigger party at the weekend.

My parents offered to pay for the drink at the reception. I took the drinks menu to theirs and said they could pick. They decided to give us money instead and said you choose what you like. I chose and they didn't like that option. In the end I had to buy something from elsewhere and pay corkage to keep them happy.

We invited their friends to the party but my mum, without telling me, invited someone to the wedding itself. I only found out a few weeks before when my dad told me he couldn't pick me up and drive me to venue as planned because he'd be driving them all instead.

My mum refused to come to the house ahead of the wedding to go to the venue together, because of said friends, but then cried at the wedding that she hadn't seen me beforehand.

My bridesmaid offered to drive us but my dad changed his mind and made my mum get a taxi so he could drive us there. But then he made us late as he was late arriving and then spilt a drink on his tie. He also gave a bit of a weird speech (we hadn't asked him to do one but he insisted) in which he said over and over again how much he liked my DH but didn't say anything much about me, although he mentioned how proud he was of my sister.

My MIL made us a cake for the party (which she really worried about but was fantastic) and wanted cheese and biscuits for evening food but was really quite straightforward and easy to please.

My Mum and Dad were similarly batshit when I had both my DDs, but have calmed down a bit now. Weddings and small babies seem to bring out the crazy in them.

DH and I married in a registry office.
I'm Catholic he is COI.
I had no desire for a church wedding, nor did he.

We are both very quiet and didn't want a fuss.
No white dress, no bridesmaids boquets etc. Just immediate family.
We paid for a beautiful meal and an overnight stay with breakfast for everyone. No set menu, multiple choices of starters/mains/desserts.

On the day MIL Brought carnations to the registry office and started sticking them into my Dad, DH etc lapels.

After the meal, the restaurant brought out this big cake with our names and congratulations on your wedding on it.
MIL had ordered the cake as dessert despite it being our wedding and knowing full well we hadn't wanted a wedding cake.

She just had to get her oar in.
I let it go over my head on the day but it always annoyed me and its good to write it down.

Asian wedding, my mum wanted a say in the guest list. Absolutely fine as dad paid for the actual wedding day. I said I do at the registry office to do the legal part of the wedding and had planned to go dress shopping, was super excited to buy my white dress and wanted something that looked very different to asian wedding clothes, think less bling, more lace and figure hugging. She surprised me with a white net dress which was the total opposite of what I wanted. It cost her £400. She was most put out when I said it would have to be returned as it was nice but not what I wanted.

I was working full time and did want to involve her in the wedding planning but she completely overstepped boundaries at times. I let some things go but had to keep telling her to back off when it came to my outfit choices, I paid for them and wanted to choose them myself. She tried to do the same with my wedding jewellery but my dad interjected that as it was a gift to me he wanted to make sure if went with my outfit for the actual day and that I liked it, therefore I got to choose. He did remind her several times that it wasn't her wedding. She looks back on it all fondly but she actually made a special time really stressful for me and I've since told her that.

My mum spent the whole run up trying to push her DH into the bridal party, wanted us to get him the same suit as my dad. We did not get along, he was not my dad but its like she idolises him and can't understand that I don't. It stressed me out so much.

MIL abandoned DHs uncle with alzheimers at the hotel and brought his girlfriend, who I didn't know and was purely invited to look after uncle. Nobody told me, I thought he'd stayed home. I will never get over the guilt of that poor old man alone and confused and I don't think I'll ever forgive her for being so selfish. She just didn't want the hassle.

My mum bought a floor length white gown to wear to my wedding, and fell out with me when I asked her to exchange it for a different colour.

We were incredibly lucky. My Nana (who brought me up) gave me a sum of money and said “Invite who you like, eat what you like and don’t let anyone interfere”.
PIL gave us money and reminded us that their families are huge so there is never pressure to invite everyone. They also said if we wanted them to the ones to tell Great Aunt Mavis and co they weren’t invited they’d happily do so.

BIL and SIL basically eloped recently because of her parents. Mostly her father. The demands they had were ridiculous and every refusal was met with “Well, we’re not coming then and we’ll not bring your Gran”. They ended up having a “birthday dinner” and when we got there (parents, siblings and nieces/nephews) it was their wedding. Her parents were too shocked to argue.

My dad (who I was very close to) died 9 years ago, and DP's entire family immediate family moved overseas. We've also got two autistic DC, plus I'm autistic so a big wedding just wouldn't work. For all of these reasons, we're both very happy to go away and get married somewhere quiet, just us and the DC.

Problem is my mum is not happy at all. She's not making threats but very tearful and keeps making sad comments about the idea. The problem is that my brother is very, very low contact with her (they're both at fault really). He didn't invite her to his wedding as he felt he would be ashamed of her (in fairness she is awful socially, unintentionally rude and has terrible manners - and my brother has married into a very posh family so.....). I love my mum but she's a bloody nightmare at times. I love my brother but he's a snob at times. The fact that she didn't get to go to his wedding has caused many many many tears over the years (I was invited and went).

And now I'm essentially doing the same to her - or at least in her eyes. No matter how many times I tell her that no one is coming to my wedding, it doesn't make a difference. Cue sad face and lots of crying. Honestly the guilt is overwhelming. We've been engaged for about 4 years now and I don't think I can face actually organising the wedding because of how upset she'll get!!

I had a BIL-zilla. Refused to come unless he was able to bring some random woman he fancied as a plus one. Given we were having a tiny (40 guests) wedding with our absolute closest friends it was very odd.

Literally was ranting and raving about how unreasonable we were.

He pulled a similar behaviour with SILs wedding. He is himself single and will remain so!!

My mum quite deliberately ruined our wedding. My late husband never forgave her and I don't blame him.

I am MOB this autumn. I've paid for DD's dress in so much as I gave her some money and let her maker own choices.I was asked along to watch her try dresses on which was lovely.

I told DD and SIL to have the wedding they want and that I would wear a posh frock and smile all day.

I don't get the state people get in about weddings, maybe it helped that my own wedding was low key, carefully managed to suit us and keep parents at bay but one of my daughters is currently getting married and I'm more than happy to be hands off.

However, the 'other mother', the MIL is being an absolute controlling cow, I find it hard to speak to her and keep things calm. The wedding is at the groom's holiday home so we are definitely on the outside but MIL can't see that and is busily interfering in the organisation, the catering, the guest list etc., etc.

The 'darling boy' getting married is her youngest and she is insisting that she give a speech 'supporting him' because both DH and myself are going to say something brief. She's also insisted that she must still make a cake (the one thing we have been allowed to provide along with a large dollop of cash which we were asked for) because darling boy only likes chocolate cake and she can make his favourite recipe and anyway, she made the cake for the weddings of his three brothers so she can't not do it this time (she thinks).

We were allowed only two guests! We've managed to squeeze it up to 4 but the problem is their large family and they all have to come including cousins and small grandchildren. I've heard lots of moaning from her about the behaviour of 'some guests' at the other weddings and her having to patrol and send people home because they stayed up too late! She phoned me up to ask what I was wearing and was judgmental about it. She is the most appalling woman and I fear for the marriage and my daughter's place in his family.

It's only a few weeks now and I am dreading it. I don't think my other two daughters will get married, they are very independent and I just thank god. What is it, just what is it that turns people into monsters. I'm kind of hoping that I'll get Covid and then I'll have an excuse not to be there.

Not me but DH’s late mother tried to manipulate us and stood firm and did what we wanted. When DStepson got married DH went along with their plans.

Are your parents paying for/ towards the wedding? We found that paying ourselves was the only thing that got through to MIL.

BTW, we never expected our parents to pay..

How strange. We paid for my own wedding, parents were guests, they didn’t get to have a say in anything as it was our wedding not theirs.

I find it quite weird when I hear parents are paying for weddings still. Just very odd to me. Especially if the people getting married are like 30, the idea of accepting sums of money or having to run things past parents is just a bit embarrassing as that age. Surely if you're old enough to get married you're old enough to pay for your own party.