DP Night away?

[mumof2littlemonkeysx]

Little back ground for you, I have an 8 week old baby who is very unsettled he has silent reflux and CMPA he's generally just a very unhappy wee soul. he's also just had his tongue tie cut. Im struggling... a lot some days I think to myself how am I ever going to cope another day:( the only thing that's getting me through it is the fact my first born was exactly the same and he did eventually grow out of it. Anyways more to the point of the post my partner has told me he's thinking about going camping with his boss and work mates on Saturday leaving late morning coming back tea time Sunday am i wrong to think this is maybe alittle selfish giving he knows how much I'm struggling? Or am I being selfish ? Sometimes I do think I need to accept that he needs a life outside our relationship and being a dad... but I can't help but feel so angry at him ? My 2 year old also gets up in the middle of the night for 2 + hours I have no idea how I'm going to cope

Congrats on your baby!

Looks like he's going so I'd get practical now.

Can you think ahead, get someone to take your toddler for a couple of hours? Can anyone stay and help during the night?

You'll be fine op, knackered but fine.

Good luck.

You're not being selfish at all. He's a parent too. You've told him you're struggling. He should support you. It doesn't matter if it's the first, second or third baby. When it's hard, it's hard. When your baby's 8 weeks and is experiencing some problems you deal with it together.

It's definitely camping, right? Just that shitty tone screams OW.

This might be one of the most perfect things I have ever read online.

the world would be a much better place if when a person said, “I can’t cope” that person actually got help.

I'd definitely book two nights in a spa now

@mumof2littlemonkeysx

He did this rubbish to you last weekend when he buggered off with minutes notice and left you overnight with the little ones and not he's at again but you've omitted it in your original post on here.

He needs a kick up the backside as it's shape up or ship out time here as he's being a massive selfish douche 💼

He's selfish and prioritising his enjoyment over your needs. However he clearly wants to go, if he doesn't go he will probably stay home and sulk so at this point I'd not even bother expecting anything from him. Plan your weekend and cope as best you can then plan something yourself. If he's getting a break so should you.

My dh had to go away with work for 3 days not long after our colicky baby was born and even though he had very little choice in the matter I was still a bit resentful, even if it was just because he was getting a full nights sleep in a hotel. But I think the key thing to remember here is that your dh wants to go despite knowing how you're feeling. That says a lot. His priority isn't helping you it's pleasing himself. Make a mental note of that one.

I cannot believe that not only the OP's husband thinks he has no responsabilities as a father, but also other mumsnetters think that men should only be expected to act as sperm donors and once they have made that contribution I presume they are entitled to lifelong clean clothes and supper on the table.

My husband wouldn't have even considered going away for a night at this age. He turned down invites for various events before baby was 10 months as she was high needs. Even though I was breastfeeding there was loads he did including lots of the settling and nappy changes, carrying her in the sling etc so i think this man is really selfish actually!

And quite horrible to you.

I've had a baby with CMPA and the crying all day everyday was awful. You're definitely not being unreasonable to not want your DP to go especially when you have another DC to think about as well. Those people saying you are unreasonable have clearly never had a baby with CMPA.

my partner has told me he's thinking about going camping with his boss and work mates
It jumps out to me that he told you, he didn't ask if he could skip out of parenting all weekend. You need to tell him how you are feeling, and that you need the exact opposite, you need him to take the children to give you a big break at the weekend. Sometimes life with little kids is challenging, both parents need to pitch in.

He said he's getting sick of listening to me telling him I'm struggling, I told him to take some clothes and to go to his mums... he has, I guess I better get used to doing it all on my own now

Ok, so he really doesn't want to get involved in looking after his kids.

Do you have a friend to call who might come over to help?

Do you have anyone who can come and help?

No I don't but I'll honestly be okay, I guess when you tell someone who you love that you're struggling you don't expect to get ignored. It was only 2 weeks ago he told me he was feeling really depressed and I did everything I could to help him I was only telling him to go for a bath or go for a sleep and to go get his friends... but now I feel this way I'm being unreasonable? I don't want to be in a relationship that works like that

Ok, this is two exhausted parents! I'm hoping his mother tells him to go home and deal with his responsibilities.

I absolutely would not let a son of mine run home, because he had a competitive tiredness argument.

What I would do though is say, what can I do to help?

Can I take one or other child to give you a rest, let you have a sleep. Maybe an overnight stay for baby with MIL?

Dunno. Only one parent sounds exhausted.
The fact that he buggered off last weekend too makes it clear he's a wanker

I would reframe the situation a little. You had a baby 8weeks ago, congratulations. Who unfortunately is having a tough time of it. And you are still recovering on very disturbed sleep.

You have a toddler who I assuming has some extra needs with an early autism diagnosis and you are keeping the show on the road, fair play to you.

You are managing this with the knowledge dh is there for nights- given the situ then he should stay.

If anyone is getting a night off it wouldn't be your DH. I hope the little one becomes more comfortable soon.

Sorry missed update.

What a selfish move in his part.

@BruceAndNosh well he's also displayed signs and revealed he's feeling depressed, that's exhausting.

My partner works shifts and is often on nights etc, I cope with 3 children, one of which is 3 weeks old and one 18 months. Some days I feel like a walking zombie but sometimes you've just got to admit defeat, have a little cry and then move on.
Let him go, then when he gets home; make him do the nights so you can have a night off. Or tell him you are going away with a friend and book a weekend for yourself.
We all are parents first and foremost but tbh we all need to have time to ourselves too. It's important. X

Yanbu and people saying otherwise should shut up. Some of us have easier kids and can cope and although I did spend a lot of time solo parenting, my kids had no health issues. I do remember when they've been poorly or as babies going through a growth spurt it was really hard.

If my partner was struggling, I'd spend as much time at home as possible helping. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing what was happening at home.

You are definitely not being unreasonable!!! I completely sympathise, managing a young baby screaming in pain all night with acid reflux and allergies and feeling utterly useless and sleep deprived is very very tough.

i just came on to suggest whether he might be depressed and read your update. There is absolutely no excuse for his behaviour but could it be that he’s genuinely mentally unwell?

Do you have a friend or sibling or someone that could come and stay with you for a night or two, even just for some mental support to have someone there? 💐🌻💐

What a fucking prick! I hope his mum gives him an ear full! Get him to have your toddler at least.

Your husband is a total wanker OP. It's when push comes to shove you realise who has your back and when these are his kids, his behaviour is despicable.