DP Night away?

[mumof2littlemonkeysx]

Little back ground for you, I have an 8 week old baby who is very unsettled he has silent reflux and CMPA he's generally just a very unhappy wee soul. he's also just had his tongue tie cut. Im struggling... a lot some days I think to myself how am I ever going to cope another day:( the only thing that's getting me through it is the fact my first born was exactly the same and he did eventually grow out of it. Anyways more to the point of the post my partner has told me he's thinking about going camping with his boss and work mates on Saturday leaving late morning coming back tea time Sunday am i wrong to think this is maybe alittle selfish giving he knows how much I'm struggling? Or am I being selfish ? Sometimes I do think I need to accept that he needs a life outside our relationship and being a dad... but I can't help but feel so angry at him ? My 2 year old also gets up in the middle of the night for 2 + hours I have no idea how I'm going to cope

Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves.

In one breath MIL should be allowed to have the baby at 6 weeks old because she's just trying to help and it takes a village. Next, you're not allowed to suggest that maybe your newborn baby's father should miss a last minute camping trip to help out a struggling mother whose just given birth, or you must be an awful parent...

It's ok to admit you need help and it's ok to expect that from your child's other parent. Especially when the child is 8 weeks old.

I didn’t say you were a bad mother at all.

All the best op

I think a 36 hour trip away is not unreasonable.

I was going to agree with Goldencarp until i read you have a special needs child as well. So no i wouldn't like it. Or I would be ok with him going and then I would plan for me to go to a hotel for a weekend and let DP deal with the kids. Unless they are breastfed of course, and in that case I would be upset about being left alone. OUtside of that I was a single mom from the beginning and I think most people can cope under NORMAL circumstances for one night.

Why when a parent says they need help do other parents like to outdo one another "I had to look after 14 toddlers, 4 babies and a one legged dog. People can't do anything by themselves these days"

Whatever any of us have had to cope with in the past is irrelevant to supporting a mum with a challenging newborn, a toddler and no sleep. I bet you couldn't imagine going camping in a million years op. Its up to you whether you ask him to not go but there is zero shame in being worried about how you're going to cope alone.

God there's some steaming arseholes on this thread.

Mum is barely holding on. Dad needs to be there. I couldn't give a shit if you juggled chainsaws while parenting sextuplets with leprosy. When a woman comes in here and says she's barely coping, try not to be a total and utter piece of shit to her.

Fuck you should be ashamed.

@MrsTerryPratchett spot on.

Yanbu. You clearly need support and he needs to be that support. Your little one has all these issues which I'm sure is affected you as well. It's not just your baby, that you need to deal with on your own. It may be 24 hours bit you might feel better him being at home to at least help with your other one. My ds was a colic and then reflux baby and it was hell. My dh wouldn't have dreamed of leaving me to it even if it was for a night. Have a chat with your dh and tell him you're struggling.

Wow, that is completely unnecessary. She just said she has an 8 week old baby who is very unhappy/unsettled with allergies constantly and a 2 year old who also wakes for long periods during the night and the one time she may get a break during the week her partner wants to go away instead of staying to help. Christ are we all supposed to be superwoman straight after the birth of our babies? She should of course be depending on her husband for support if she is struggling. If she had a 2 and 3 year old with no additional needs then it would be a different story and I would say she's unreasonable and just get on with it but that's not her current situation.

Op i hope you get the support you need I remember those days when things felt they'd never end and the days looked long and tiring. Its tough going. Be kind to yourself.

Agreed!

Op if you can’t cope you can’t cope. Just tell him that. He can’t go. Right now both your children have additional needs and one of you can’t do it alone.

@mumof2littlemonkeysx ignore everyone who suggests 'just cope' if you haven't been in your situation with CMPA, reflux and all the rest of it (I have so understand). The non stop crying is hard with 2 parents never mind 1 with a toddler. It would be nice to be able to do things but it's just not possible if you are suffering and need help. There's absolutely no shame in that, you are not a terrible mother/ failure etc, you are simply asking for help because you need it.

Hang in there and don't be afraid to ask for help
from your partner. YABU to say that you would prefer him to stay home to help.

YANBU - typo in previous post x

Oh I love a good drip feed!

I'm also amazed that you've got an autism diagnosis for your under 2 year old!
I'd love to know where you live because it doesn't happen where I am

It's very unreasonable for him just to dump all his parental responsibilities on to you. I think you should be frank and say you can't manage by yourself, and the only way he could possibly go is if 1) you get 8 hours sleep a night for the next 2 nights and b) he organises someone to help you on Saturday and Sunday.
And I think you should let him deal with the toddler at night anyway if you are managing the baby. At 8 weeks postpartum you are still recovering from the birth, he's a selfish git for even suggesting he leaves you alone to deal with this.

I would explain you need support at home with the children and ask him not to go.

Bore off.

Another day, another thread populated by twats slathering over kicking a struggling mother when she’s down.

I hope the posters concerned are embarrassed at themselves. If not, they fucking should be.

Really? When literally everyone in his family needs him?

Hi everyone, thank you for all your kind replies! I have spoken with DP and told him how much I am really struggling to cope right now... he doesn't seem to care he said he's going his words " to he honest it's fucking needed you should try it if you did do what I was doing the odd time it's maybe a struggle but we would end up having balance, your not helping yourself doing nothing "

He sounds like hes very selfish. What kind of work does he do that makes him think he works harder than you?

Was he any good with just the 1 dc?

@Littlebirdyouaresosweet he was fantastic with my first son I wouldn't have planned to have another baby with him if he acted this way. Or maybe he did act this way and I just ignored it

Is this an option? Can you fuck off and leave him to handle it all for a few days?