To think we’ll have to change schools?

[Takemeawayfromthis]

DD is doing GCSEs. She is relentlessly name called and “looked at” by a bunch of girls in her year but recently it has escalated to a bigger and bigger group spanning 3 years. Friday she was threatened in the playground by a big group of them and so she hasn’t been in for two days while the school put some things in place. This morning they ambushed her in her form room and threw water balloons at her and recorded it on their phones. This isn’t going away is it?

Obviously there’s more to it in terms of how it started, things that have happened, how the school are dealing with it etc, but I’m thinking let’s just pull her out before anything worse happens or it affects her mental health. Anyone else been through this?

Poor thing please remove her. She doesn't need this. Life is hard enough. What utter bitches teenagers can be

Another vote for move. You wouldn't put up with that as an adult, why should a child?
Find a school that does GGSEs over 2 years ( my dds big standard comp does) if you can.
If you can't, could she stay at home and do interhigh or similar in the meantime?
But I would not send her back and I would tell her today.

That's awful. There should be 0 tolerance of bullying at school and it should be those bitches that have to leave and not your lovely daughter. If it was my child and the issue wasn't resolved then I would remove her.

I don’t think I would send her back in at all. I would say she wasn’t returning until the school could show how they were going to keep her safe and then I’d look for another school. This is so damaging for her mental health. The idea up thread that she should stick it out and show resilience is bonkers. She should have agency and choices so as not to be stuck in an intolerable, unsafe situation.

A friends child committed suicide after being bullied and it gave me a real wake up call about the relative importance of academia and I moved my daughter for similar reasons, sadly the school she now goes to is nearly as bad. But she is refusing to leave. She does know though that she can, and that there are other options and she is not stuck in any way shape or form.

What a horrible situation for you and your DD. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine why the school don't suspend all 6 of the bullying group. The thing is, some of these girls probably don't have the capacity to reflect or change and, as you say, when you see the parents, it becomes clear why.

On the positive side, she's only in Year 9, nor Year 10/11. I would move her yes, and have a clean start in Sept. You don't need the worry of returning hanging over you all summer.

Mske it very clear to the school that you are being forced to leave because of relentless bullying by six specific individuals. Hopefully, this will go on their record and affect any school references in the future.

I am just dealing with the fallout of this sort of trauma 30 years later. It has affected my ability to make friends, the belief that nobody likes me, and my marriage has been affected. Please pull her out if you can. You sound like a lovely Mum

Schools and police need more powers to deal with the bullying that goes on these days ,it seems so bad in some places
If were my child I would move if they are happy to as school doesn't seem to be getting this under control

Thanks everyone. She got through the day with just a few dirty looks. We are pressing ahead with looking at other schools and I think we’re 90% decided that is the right solution. I’m not sure if she’ll be going in for all of the rest of term, we’re just taking one day at a time.
She wouldn’t suit home schooling, she loves being with her friends and enjoys interacting with teachers, drama performances, extra curricular activities etc and DH and I both work full time out of the home.

Tbh I would still consider taking your dd round to look at private schools now (ie before term ends) if your parents are helping. Your dd may realise she’d much rather be at private school once she visits. It gives her options and it may allow her to settle back into the child you recognise. Behaviour ramps up in year 10 and 11 and can turn violent with weapons.

My dd changed from state to private at the beginning of year 9. She is Mike’s happier and went from hating school to not wanting the term to end. There’s a lot more flexibility and even options to go back a year - so to redo yr9 if that is what your dd needs.

I hope your dd manages to get into the smaller village school op. Where I live, children in the village schools have a much better quality of life than the town / city sprawling secondaries.