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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we’ll have to change schools?

87 replies

Takemeawayfromthis · 15/06/2022 12:04

DD is doing GCSEs. She is relentlessly name called and “looked at” by a bunch of girls in her year but recently it has escalated to a bigger and bigger group spanning 3 years. Friday she was threatened in the playground by a big group of them and so she hasn’t been in for two days while the school put some things in place. This morning they ambushed her in her form room and threw water balloons at her and recorded it on their phones. This isn’t going away is it?

Obviously there’s more to it in terms of how it started, things that have happened, how the school are dealing with it etc, but I’m thinking let’s just pull her out before anything worse happens or it affects her mental health. Anyone else been through this?

OP posts:
Notcoolright · 15/06/2022 12:28

I'd move her. It's not up to you to get the bullies sorted out. I'd keep her off from now and start her in a new school in September. The school can deal with its own problems.

EvilPea · 15/06/2022 12:30

when you said midway through GCSEs I thought year 11 and a few weeks away.

move her. She won’t be fulfilling her potential with them dickheads there.

EvilPea · 15/06/2022 12:31

Takemeawayfromthis · 15/06/2022 12:26

Thank you all. I’m going to look into it today. She’s a good kid honestly, “prefect material” her teachers said. She wonders why she’s so weird and unlikeable and that breaks my heart.

Oh god love her.
does she do any outside clubs?

BeanCounterBabe · 15/06/2022 12:34

Do any local start GCSEs in year 10? We have a mix in our city, so start year 9 some year 10. Both my DD’s two schools start year 10. Even if not I would move her.

BeanCounterBabe · 15/06/2022 12:34

Local schools start GCSEs in year 10.

Original poster
Takemeawayfromthis · 15/06/2022 12:36

She does a drama club at the weekend. I think some schools round here start GCSE in year 10.

OP posts:
punnedout · 15/06/2022 12:37

If you have the option of moving her, do it! Give her the opportunity to find her people and be appreciated (and to leave those little arseholes behind)

XmasElf10 · 15/06/2022 12:38

Move her now. My poor sister had this and she did move schools but not in time to escape all the lifelong hurt it left behind.

turquoisebuttons · 15/06/2022 12:43

Your poor DD. How awful that the school aren’t doing more to stop this. Definitely move her.

Partypoooooper · 15/06/2022 12:46

tiddlywinks2 · 15/06/2022 12:17

You've just written out exactly what happened to me at school, without the recording as we didn't have phones. I was jumped outside school, had water thrown at me, you name it I had it.

I did not have supportive parents. They made me stay at school and try and make friends with the bullies Hmm it drove me to attempting suicide. Please pull your poor DD out of this school.

Very similar to myself in year 8 I started being bullied on the bus (never did anything in the school) they smothered their left over lunch in my hair and blazer one day, I got the detention for not having my full uniform the next day whilst it went through the wash. The head girl even reported it to the school - nothing.

My parents response was not to let it get to me so I self harmed to cope.

In the end I got myself excluded and started afresh, it was the best thing that happened.

Peterbear · 15/06/2022 12:51

Please report to police and demand the head teacher sports this out! They have to keep the children safe.
Moving her means they do it to someone else and there needs to be consequences or they have 'won'.
I get why you want to move her but please make sure those kids face some consequences as well. Hate bullying with a passion. Also wow aren't they a bit old for that crap? Good luck to you op.

TabbyKat87 · 15/06/2022 12:57

Move her. Not worth the risk keeping her there. School have massively failed her and you need to make sure they are aware of that.

Start looking at other schools asap and get in touch with them. Knowing there's a plan in place may make the rest of her time there a bit less horrendous

Albgo · 15/06/2022 12:59

thinkfast · 15/06/2022 12:16

I would do all of the following:
Report to police
Report to school governors
Report to head teacher
Move her

Completely agree

Howappropriate · 15/06/2022 13:01

Getting water balloons thrown at you by a group is assault. Surely the police have to record it, take statements, otherwise isn't that age discrimination?

failing40s · 15/06/2022 13:02

Jeez what are the school doing about this? Why is your DD effectively 'excluded' (staying at home for a couple of days) while they put stuff in place? Why aren't the water balloon bullies excluded? What have school said to you about how they are handling and sanctioning the bullies.

Your poor DD. If she's year 9 I would consider moving her unless I was confident the school were going to be able to stamp out the bullying 100%. I wouldn't worry about the starting GCSEs in yr 9 or 10 - it will be fine.

AmaryIlis · 15/06/2022 13:15

Takemeawayfromthis · 15/06/2022 12:13

She’s year 9. They do 3 years of GCSEs in her school so she’s halfway through some and just started others. She’s open to the idea of moving schools. The school don’t want her to, but I think tough shit, if you can’t deal with this gang all the nice kids will leave and you’ll be left with the shitty ones.

This. The school really needs a bullying policy which it enforces to the letter, and clearly it isn't doing that. Have they said what if anything they are doing about this morning's attack? Given that it's a premeditated piece of victimisation after, presumably, the school warned them about their threats, I would hope that exclusions all round are being applied.

GreenWillowAndCatkins · 15/06/2022 13:15

Move her if you can. My DD had similar in year 9, the school couldn't / wouldn't / didn't help, and she did years 10 and 11 via online school. Best thing we ever did, now back in mainstream school doing 3 A levels and applying to Uni. Good luck, it's so hard for the whole family.

It may not be relevant to your DD, but the bullying and the school's lack of help led ultimately to a diagnosis of ASD, ADHD and SPD for us, which has also helped us to insist on support. In Y9, DD was just lamenting that she was "weird and unlikeable" too, which is what makes me say this.

Highfivemum · 15/06/2022 13:18

This is a police matter. Just because she is a child and it is happening in school it is still a criminal offence towards ur DC. I know from experience that the police do act. Not going into detail as it isn’t my post but they certainly dealt with my school bully issue. Don’t delay forget the the sch as they have failed her go straight to the police

Mariposista · 15/06/2022 13:18

Takemeawayfromthis · 15/06/2022 12:13

She’s year 9. They do 3 years of GCSEs in her school so she’s halfway through some and just started others. She’s open to the idea of moving schools. The school don’t want her to, but I think tough shit, if you can’t deal with this gang all the nice kids will leave and you’ll be left with the shitty ones.

Gosh poor girl. If the school are really planning on doing nothing, it’s a no brainer. Year 9 is early enough, year 10 would be a different matter. She doesn’t need this nonsense at such an important stage of her education.

Puddlelane123 · 15/06/2022 13:19

Your poor daughter - what vile little b*tches to do that to her. As above, report the assault to the police and headteacher / governors etc. It horrifies me that this behaviour goes on in our schools and so depressing that children like your daughter have their young lives marred in this way.

Upontherooftops · 15/06/2022 13:32

I'd absolutely move her. Most schools do a 2 year GCSE course (at least they do where I live) so moving her is relatively easy now whereas it will be very impractical and disruptive in yr 10 and 11. So I'd go now even if things started to get better as the risk of being stuck for 2 years is too high.

I'd also escalate the matter as much as possible. Report up to all levels and then an Ofsted complaint.

She shouldn't have to put up with this and school should be forced to address it.

Lacedwithgrace · 15/06/2022 13:38

Get her GCSEs done and move her. Maybe a college will suit her better for A-Levels/Level 3 (equivalent). Usually older students, smaller classes etc bullying is easier to deal with there should it happen again.

Lacedwithgrace · 15/06/2022 13:39

Sorry, if she is only just starting GCSEs she may be able to do them at a college too. If she has 2 years until the exams, get her out before them

Original poster
Takemeawayfromthis · 15/06/2022 14:06

Reading all your messages. It’s actually reassuring to hear we’re not over reacting. DH is on to the police now. I’ve emailed the school and headteacher about what we expect to happen to keep her safe and we’ll look into alternative schools.
I know that just one girl was suspended for this morning even though there were six of them. I don’t know what the punishments for Fridays threats were other than ‘sanctions’.

OP posts:
MayMoveMayNot · 15/06/2022 14:14

Fuck that, what vile nasty little bitches. 😡

What does your DD want to do? I'd be inclined to move her, Yr 9 is fine to move, if it were happening to mine I'd have her do online schooling (mine has SEN though) and we found home learning was BRILLIANT for her, would this be an option for your DD? It's not as expensive as I thought, or is there other schools around you could look at?

I would definitely be escalating this to the police as well, hopefully one of the morons would be stupid enough to share it publicly to give them enough rope to hang themselves with.

All the best to you OP and your DD, I hope she is OK.

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