To think we’ll have to change schools?

[Takemeawayfromthis]

DD is doing GCSEs. She is relentlessly name called and “looked at” by a bunch of girls in her year but recently it has escalated to a bigger and bigger group spanning 3 years. Friday she was threatened in the playground by a big group of them and so she hasn’t been in for two days while the school put some things in place. This morning they ambushed her in her form room and threw water balloons at her and recorded it on their phones. This isn’t going away is it?

Obviously there’s more to it in terms of how it started, things that have happened, how the school are dealing with it etc, but I’m thinking let’s just pull her out before anything worse happens or it affects her mental health. Anyone else been through this?

You are definitely not over reacting, your poor lovely DD, what a nightmare for her. It’s good that there are consequences but I would absolutely look into moving her somewhere else. Have you read bully proof kids? Might be helpful x

I would move your dd. Please do be aware that everyone knows everyone due to phones so I would choose wisely with the next school. If there are options, there will be parents with children in those schools. So ask around and talk to those parents. And ask how the school deals with bullying and how they deal with mental health issues. Some are very hot on having specific staff members the children can go to and walk out of lessons with no questions asked.

My dd (also yr9) left a school, which is a bit like the one you’re describing last year to move to a small private school. Her secondary was too big and there was a gang mentality emerging.

If you can go for a smaller school with a high emphasis on discipline and mental health, it would probably be better. There are a couple local to us (but not in catchment); the children don’t seem to have as many cliques and it’s so much better in the way they treat bullying than dd’s former school.

Move her now, easier to do in year 9 than year 10. Other schools might be doing the normal 2 year gcse but I’d have thought that would be fine. We looked at moving dd in year ten for similar reasons and didn’t because different schools had different exam boards and they said it was too late. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You need to show your daughter how to be tough and resilient and not be controlled by bullies. Stand up for her rights to attend school in safety.

I'd make a formal complaint to the police that your child is being verbally and physically harassed, threatened and abused by a mob at school, and the school was informed but failed to stop it. I'd name every pupil involved. Copy to the school , and the director of the Education Department.

I’d move her for a fresh start yr 10. Many schools only start gcse yr 10.

the reason I asked about outside clubs. Is there anyone there that goes to a different school that might be a viable option.

id also potentially up to another club if you can so she realises it’s just these twats rather than her thinking she’s weird. She’s not. They are just arseholes. Scouts is normally a good one but she’s at venture scout age and there’s not many of them.

She has a friend at a nearby school. It’s quite rural so a bit smaller. We’ll go and have a look at it. The police have logged the incidents and given us a reference number. The school haven’t responded to my list of requirements to keep her safe tomorrow yet.

I think a good rule of thumb is would you stay in a work place where you are treated by colleagues that way? if not, then move her. But please be aware that with the introduction if the Internet, it could follow her from school to school.

My DD started being bulled in yr 8 and is now coming to the end of yr 9 and, other than a few weeks of respite here and there the bullying from the ringleader and her inner circle, it hasn't let up. DD's best friend was also a target initially but her parents pulled her out and sent her private (no spaces in the good states around here) pretty sharpish. So DD was left to fend for herself. I did ask her if she wanted to move schools, and my parents offered to help financially if we were to send her to a private school, but she was (and still is) adamant that she wanted to stay and "not let them win", as she put it.

The ringleader's group has somewhat diminished, but she is still hellbent on making DDs life as miserable as possible. I am in regular communication with the school, and went in all guns blazing a few weeks ago when it ramped up again and was given assurances that she's on her final warning (after a year!), one more foot out of place by her with no decisive action by the school and I'll be speaking to the governors.

DD has few friends - but has made some inroads, at least she has someone to sit with at lunchtime. She now has a group of friends from a mixture of schools (including a couple from her own) who she hangs out with. She also does many outside clubs - where she has the chance to unwind and have fun with other children.

It is utterly heartbreaking as a parent to see your child suffering so much - visceral almost - DD has ADHD (doesn't present itself as naughtiness but she does struggle with relationships with her peers as she isn't as mature as many her age and misses social cues) and chronic tic disorder which is exacerbated with stress - so that's been affected quite significantly.

Your DD is very resilient, you must be very proud. My DD has faced a lot and turned up every time something has happened, but I wonder if it’s time to throw in the towel as there are other options available locally? Let’s see what the next few days brings.

I am indeed proud, but she shouldn't have to be resilient though - neither should your DD, who sounds as though she is monumentally being let down by her school and she (and you) are doing absolutely the right thing by considering a fresh start. And I would argue that recognising when enough is enough and taking action to protect yourself and ensure your future happiness and wellbeing is something to be very proud of too. I wish DD would sometimes, as this resilience is now translating into "hardness" as she has had to defend herself so often ... and I don't recognise this trait in her.

I'd book an appointment with head of current school to discuss keeping DD safe. After that I would call other schools in the area to see if they have places and also that they start GCSEs in Y10.

Your poor girl. She sounds lovely. Yes, I agree with others I would do whatever it takes to get her out of that situation.

I can never understand why some teens are so utterly horrible. Best of luck to you both and I hope she meets some nice friends and is able to move past this as much as possible.

Resilience includes knowing when to strategically move. The smaller school with a friend there sounds like a decent option, can you all sit down and talk with the friend and their parents to see what they think about whether other kids might know these bullies or act on anything seen online?

I only have a little kid so no experience parenting at this age, but I find this horrifying. I personally would not send her back at all in this situation, what can she really learn in the next 6 weeks while terrified? Just withdraw, set home study plans for the period and start a new school in September. Any issues there, or if you don't feel sure she will escape it, and I would consider home schooling until you can move house to another location. We all need water, food, warmth, to feel safe, and some companionship. Those are the basics of life. You're doing the right thing when you prioritise your DD's safety.

I'd also want the police to follow up with the bullies, and would try to have an assault charge brought on all 6. They knew exactly what they were doing and they know it is harmful. The school can do what they want, they've shown themselves to be pointless so I'd simply send the details to Ofsted as evidence that the bullying procedures aren't implemented and/or aren't working.

Move her. Absolutely.

I'd protect my child and remove her.

I'd start looking at other schools asap so she can start in September. As others have said, most schools do GCSEs in 2 years so she won't be disadvantaged.

I'd remove her, but I'd also tell the school you want to be in a meeting with all their parents,
I'd also go to the police station. X

Would you and your husband not find out where they all live and go to their homes to talk to their parents. X

Prize for worst attempt at advice ever. OP doesn't sound like an idiot, so I would guess no.

I know where the ringleader lives and I know who her mum is. Let’s just say there’s no point. All the parents are being contacted by the school. I told DD that some parents will be horrified, but some won’t, so it might make some difference but it won’t solve it. I feel sick sending her back in there today, so god knows how she feels.
She’s affectively going to be in isolation with her best friend today to keep away from them. It’s not fair, but we need to get through one day without incident.

Don't worry about the fact she started her GCSEs in year 9 - there will be schools who don't and this sounds like a good time for a clean break.

If she’s Y9, then move her now to restart GCSEs at school that does the curriculum in Y10/Y11, which is a bit more standard. Don’t wait until next year, where if you try and stay and end up moving, you’ll end up moving mid-curriculum.

Do you have to send her today, could you not withdraw her and educate her at home? Sorry, I'm not sure of the legalities but that's what I would try.

She would not step foot in the place again if she were mine. Please don’t send her in again.