Comments about the cost of living payment

[Wednesdayafternoon]

So basically I think I qualify for the cost of living payment because I'm on a low income and receive a universal credit top up. For context I never chose this life. I'm a single mum and two children and my husband left me during my second pregnancy. I never thought I would be in this position, and I am really grateful that I get some financial assistance from the government. As most will acknowledge in the situation though, the support that you get just isn't enough. With the rising cost of living I'm really struggling to get to the end of my pay without using my credit cards. In fact I don't make it to the end of the month. I'm struggling with my petrol, and bills and with my food, I'm struggling with entertaining my children. I don't spend a penny on any activities just for me.
But I know I'm not the only one in this position and I'm trying my best.
Because of being a single parent and the financial situation I am living at my parents at the moment. Everyone is happy with this set up, don't get me wrong if I could afford my own place I would love it. I miss having my own space and independence. It's not always easy, but again I'm grateful for the support I have.
So I think that I qualify for the cost of living payment in July and October. I've kept that to myself because my sister who is in a completely different financial situation to me can be very Judgemental. She's good with her money, a lot better than me. She has a house and is considering buying a second house so that she can flip it. She goes on around three (uk based) holidays a year and is always talking about doing her house up etc. I'm happy for her but she always gets digs in about my money. She has absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this situation. I had no idea what it's like to be in this situation before I was in it as well.
Anyway, she made a comment today about the cost of living payment. She thinks that it's unfair that somebody like me would be getting support but she and her husband isn't. She thinks that I should give the money to my parents to put towards their household bills. I told her that the payment is to contribute towards the cost of living and it would be something that would really help me because I'm really struggling. But she is now making comments like my parents pay for electricity and water for my children and it should go to them. I just think this is such an ignorant thing to say. She is the big sister of both of us and always feels that she knows best and knows everything. She is always making comments about my money and not respecting the fact that that's a private matter to me and not up for discussion for her and everyone else. I would give my mum and dad all the spare money I have, but in reality this cost of living payment if I get it it's going to really help me a lot with things that I need to pay for.
To be honest I'm just feeling really upset about the comments that she has made :(

She’s good with her money, a lot better than me

This was almost hidden, but it jumped out at me. If you worked on your money management would you be in a better position? Obviously we don’t know your parents’ position but if you’re living with them, surely you shouldn’t be in quite such dire straits?

@JudgeRindersMinder my ex left me in a lot of joint debt. I am paying it off hence why I'm living with my parents.
I was keeping head above water but since everything has skyrocketed I'm struggling.

Even before everything went up and I was a two income family there were times kids activities had to be cancelled because it was that or pay the bills. When I became single I could no longer afford them on one income.

Have you increased payments to your parents for the bills since they have shot up? Tbh your sister has a point, maybe not all the payment but some should go to your parents.

Your sister needs to keep her beak out. Like you say, she has no idea what it’s like to be in your position. You and your parents can discuss it between you but it’s got nothing to do with your sister at all.
I hate it when people who are more comfortable tell people less well off how to spend their money.

Have you tried re-nogating the debt repayments with the various companies. There’s groups dedicated to this on Facebook. When I was on benefits one company wanted £200 a month which simply wasn’t affordable, with help from beat the banks I reduced that to a more affordable £10 and managed to get a massive chunk of charges and interest wiped off.

You're sister isn't wholly wrong.

If you're not contributing wholly and fairly to your parents bills, then what, other than diesel/petrol has increased for you?

If your parents pay the energy bills, mortgage/rent, food ...then other than the debt you accumulated with your husband, what are you paying?

However, if you do pay 3/5s of the bills in the house, then she's wrong.

It’s hellish for people in your position. I’m sure as an adult with your own children that living with your parents wouldn’t have been number 1 on the list of living situations if you had an alternative!
If your sister brings it up again, can you tell her it’s not up for discussion (I’m a younger sister too and know the dynamics aren’t always straightforward, I’m very much the “baby” sister in her eyes, despite being in my 50s and having raised 2 children (who are both older than her child!) to adulthood!)

Guys I've never said to any of you or my sister what I contribute to the house. I do contribute but that's done privately between us.

I think a proportion should go to your parents tbh. I think I’ll get it too it’ll be going on fuel bills. If your parents are covering your fuel costs in exchange for cheap/ low rent then I’d give them half.

Well you need to so you can get opinions based on facts.

Your sister obviously doesn't have a clue what it's like to be in your situation, has your mum said anything to her that's made her feel you should give some of the payment to your parents?

Your sister is right. It is a cost of living payment and as you are living with your parents and they are providing gas, electricity water and a roof over your head then it is them who are paying the vast majority of the rising costs.

As long as you are paying for the gas/electricity/water you are using at your parent's house I don't see the problem. Tell your sister you are already paying your parents for the increased cost of having you and your children living there so some of this money WILL be going towards that. I would be furious if my siblings thought I wasn't paying my own way and I'd set them straight!

I think my upset is more that she feels that I don't deserve this payment because I already get UC and she deserves it more.
Also that she feels she knows more about my own situation then me.
She literally has no idea. She thinks o have my life on a silver platter!

Agree with this.

You are very foolish to be paying off debts (assuming this is consumer credit) if it means you can’t pay rent and bills for your family.

If you don’t have it they can’t demand it.

What cost of living are you paying for at the moment? Petrol and food? What other bills?

It's up to you really and your sister should keep her beak out but the cost of your parents bills are going to shoot up so I would be expecting you to cover your share tbh

You just need to tell your sister that your financial situation is none of her business and you won't be discussing it with her and don't want to hear her opinions.

Yeah I'm sorry but this money should be going to your parents. I'm also a single parent but I don't have the luxury of living at home. I have full bills to pay and an entire house to run.

I bet your parents won't be entitled to a cost of living payment themselves?! If not then they definitely should have yours

And its for covering the cost of living, just existing, paying for food and heating and water. So she doesn't need it if she can pay for all these.

I think it depends very much on what contribution you are making to your parents are you contributing a fair amount to cover the costs of living with them or occasionally buying some food or a take away,

Yes, agree with this.

I would tell your sister to mind her own business about your finances its nothing to do with her,I would also give half of any payment towards your parents bills & get the debts you owe reduced to the minimum as mentioned above you can't pay what you can't afford.

I agree. A proportion at least if it should begoing to your parents.

Their bills will have shot up dramatically, whilst you have no utility bills etc.

Your sister isn’t right OP. She is privileged to be living in a two income household and she should not be drawing comparisons between your positions. You’re a single mum struggling financially. Therefore will be affected more by the cost of living crisis. That’s the reason this payment is available to you.

I trust from your updates, that some posters seem to be ignoring, that you have arrangements with your parents about covering living costs. As long as you three are happy with those arrangements it is no one else’s business, especially not your financially comfortable sister.

Your sister lacks empathy and seems to be trying to goad you. I would have a private conversation with your parents establishing they’re still happy with the arrangements and then try and ignore your sister. You have every right to be upset about her comments

Thanks so much for this. This is my angle of thought.

I would give me parents the entire thing, I'm not selfish but they are comfort and I'm really struggling. I just thought this payment was to support costs of living hence why I was getting it. I really would help me!