Comments about the cost of living payment

[Wednesdayafternoon]

So basically I think I qualify for the cost of living payment because I'm on a low income and receive a universal credit top up. For context I never chose this life. I'm a single mum and two children and my husband left me during my second pregnancy. I never thought I would be in this position, and I am really grateful that I get some financial assistance from the government. As most will acknowledge in the situation though, the support that you get just isn't enough. With the rising cost of living I'm really struggling to get to the end of my pay without using my credit cards. In fact I don't make it to the end of the month. I'm struggling with my petrol, and bills and with my food, I'm struggling with entertaining my children. I don't spend a penny on any activities just for me.
But I know I'm not the only one in this position and I'm trying my best.
Because of being a single parent and the financial situation I am living at my parents at the moment. Everyone is happy with this set up, don't get me wrong if I could afford my own place I would love it. I miss having my own space and independence. It's not always easy, but again I'm grateful for the support I have.
So I think that I qualify for the cost of living payment in July and October. I've kept that to myself because my sister who is in a completely different financial situation to me can be very Judgemental. She's good with her money, a lot better than me. She has a house and is considering buying a second house so that she can flip it. She goes on around three (uk based) holidays a year and is always talking about doing her house up etc. I'm happy for her but she always gets digs in about my money. She has absolutely no idea what it's like to be in this situation. I had no idea what it's like to be in this situation before I was in it as well.
Anyway, she made a comment today about the cost of living payment. She thinks that it's unfair that somebody like me would be getting support but she and her husband isn't. She thinks that I should give the money to my parents to put towards their household bills. I told her that the payment is to contribute towards the cost of living and it would be something that would really help me because I'm really struggling. But she is now making comments like my parents pay for electricity and water for my children and it should go to them. I just think this is such an ignorant thing to say. She is the big sister of both of us and always feels that she knows best and knows everything. She is always making comments about my money and not respecting the fact that that's a private matter to me and not up for discussion for her and everyone else. I would give my mum and dad all the spare money I have, but in reality this cost of living payment if I get it it's going to really help me a lot with things that I need to pay for.
To be honest I'm just feeling really upset about the comments that she has made :(

£70K!! What was he using that on? Drugs?

Ahh sorry you went through that with your brother!

It works both ways though doesn't it. I have no finical support off my family other the. Staying at their house. Their mortgage is paid and I contribute my fair share and do a lot for them. They don't pay for me when I go out or buy things for me and my children. It just isn't like that.

If anything I could turn around and start questioning my sister and some of the things she's had going on with my parents. But o don't because o know she isn't a bad person as she should be the same with me.

She has absolutely no reason to try and protect my parents from me. We're a close family and I do not palm off them.
Making that abundantly clear.

No, it doesn't help. If you read the OP then why did you ask "do you work at all?"

Because income could come from investments or child maintenance for all we know

I think yabu tbh. Your sister sounds irritating and possibly she worded it wrong but her comments come from a place of concern for your parents. Legally what you do with the cost of living payments are up to you but imo I think that when you get the payments you should sit down with your parents and tell them what you've received, and discuss with them what they think is fair and reasonable for you to contribute. It might be that they are happy for you to spend the money on what you see fit but prepare yourself to give them some if they consider it essential. 3 extra people in a house will add to their bills and it's naive to think that just because your parents are comfortable now that they won't be hit with the hike in energy prices.

I'm a single mum too btw

I think that this kind of dynamic can exist in a lot of families.

A sibling that is ostensibly doing well for themselves, potentially financially stable, in good health, successful career and good relationship etc whilst there is a sibling that has none or very little of the above and is struggling to get by. This is pretty much the situation you and your sister are in.

From your perspective, your situation wasn't of your own making and you cant help the fact you need more assistance from others including your family and the state. You are drowning in debt and living a compromised lifestyle so it feels unkind for your sister to suggest you don't deserve this additional help you will receive through this payment.

From your sister's perspective, I imagine there is a lot of frustration and resentment underlying her comments. There is only so much help and support available and it is hard when one sibling monopolises this in a familly. Your sibling may well perceive that you have created your situation yourself through making bad choices regarding partners, children and money. She might think you aren't really helping yourself and are happy to sponge of your parents instead of taking active steps to support yourself through looking into debt management and increasing your income. Your perception of a 'fair' contribution could easily be seen as unfair if you are paying the bare minimum towards bills because you consider your parents to be comfortable and they have paid off their mortgage.

I think you need to get debt advice, otherwise if you're struggling to make it through the month without currently having any responsibility for rent and bills, how are you ever going to get your own place?

Yes, I'm sure the OP who is struggling with the cost of living, is paying towards debt, and occasionally has to use credit to make it to the end of the month has somewhere between £1-£16k in investments kicking about. What would that return a month? 50 quid if you're lucky maybe?

Child maintenance has no impact on UC so is irrelevant and isn't an income for the OP anyway. It's the NRP's contribution to raising their child(ren).

I don't know exactly what makes up OP's income. So don't see what is wrong with clarifying.

Well tbf many couples and those working are also struggling and living on cc with fuel going up as well its costing us more to go to work and then do wfh also
I don't begrudge lower incomes / uv getting help but just because people don't meet the threshold doesn't mean they aren't struggling also

She sounds jealous. Surely your parents are happy with the situation and if they aren't presumerably they will speak to you and address their issues. It's not her business either way. It's gross that she resents you getting some financial help when you are clearly needing it. I wish people like this would address their problem with the government who makes these decisions not people like you who had no say in the matter

I strongly suspect from your sister’s point of view you are totally taking the piss out of your parents. Especially if they’re doing child care to let you go work.

whether this is true or false I can’t say but I could see why it would appear so. Have they given your sister equivalent support over the years? I don’t have siblings but I often see people on here feeling hard done to that the sibling they see as having made poor choices gets cotton wool treatment while they just get on with it and get nothing.

to repeat I am NOT saying it’s the case op just trying to present what her viewpoint might be to you.

Some of the replies are drifting abit and I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm not going to share personal details about my work or debts or outgoings

What you share is totally up to you but people can only share their comments and opinions based on the information you've provided.

As you are unwilling to give more information, it's impossible to say if your Sister is being unreasonable or not. It depends if you pay your parents a token amount towards bills or if you divide the bills equally. If the former then the payment should go to them; if the latter, it should be shared equally.

Im sorry i don't belive someone is priviledged as they live in a two income family , thats means both are working and earning money and possibly sacrificing and may still be struggling
Everyones bills have gone up
Many single parents are struggling and do not have the luxury of living at home
Great if your parents don't need the help, but have you gone to a debt management company ( free one) for help as priority bills like rent etc they help sort
Two of us earning but latest rises mean we have had to contact a debt management comoany

My mum watches my sisters children. She even watches them when they are unwell. She watches them every time they go on holiday even when she has to watch the dogs too.
I also watch my neice and nephew and she has ALOT of childcare and support for the kids from her in laws!

I don't know if you should give the money to your parents, but I do know your sister needs to mind her own business. Finances are private - tell her so! You've told all of us, take it as practice.

@PaddingtonBearStareAgain You’re behaving like a troll. The middle are being squeezed... are you for real? You’re commenting on a post started by a single mother of two young children, on benefits, that is in debt, as we are heading towards the biggest cost of living crisis we have ever seen. The middle are being squeezed!?? yes, they are, that’s how bad things are, so have some empathy for people that are no way near being classed as ‘the middle’. The OP has clearly stated that she works and that she contributes to her parents house. Their arrangements are their business but why would you assume that she doesn’t pay rent, utility bills and council tax - She has clearly stated she has a private arrangement with them and does contribute.

Can’t people just be a bit kinder? why don’t we assume that the OP is telling the truth and contributes to her parents household. Why don’t we assume that as everyone’s cost of living has gone up, so has the OPs. Why don’t we assume, as the OP has said, that she has a clear contribution arrangement with her parents that the parents are happy with. Shall we also assume that the OPs parents are financially comfortable and WANT to help their DD and 2GC during this crisis.

OPs parents sound like nice people, who don’t kick someone when they’re down. Unlike some of the people commenting on this post

@worriedatthistime I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling as well. The OP is in a privileged position to be able to live with her parents, as you say, not everyone has that option.

I’m not saying that a two income household is necessarily better off - there are other factors to be taken into account - such as income, debt, support network. But in this situation between the OP and sister it is a point of privilege that is being ignored by her sister. If you became a single income household tomorrow would your financial position be the same or would you be worse off? If her sister split up with her DH tomorrow she would see her financial position change. She may still be comfortable but their income would be divided across two households.

The cost of living payment is primarily designed to address the cost of energy bills. So providing it is being used to pay energy bills.

I'm not sure if you will get the payment OP as you live with your parents. I thought it went to each household (so to them)? Or so this an additional payment to the energy one?

@Itstrue22 do you know want in my circumstances better off financially