To ask for some advice re my 7 year old

[Geneviev]

She’s just lovely, super clever. She’s a big reader, has a good group of pals and is doing really well at school which she loves.

Like me as a child, however, she loathes sport. Loathes it. Hates gym. Lacks confidence with it because she thinks she’s a slow runner (she’s not the fastest but she’s not as slow as she thinks she is either).

We both lack a bit of coordination and ball sports for example are not something that come naturally to either of us. She’s also struggling to ride her bike - again it’s all about her confidence (she’s brilliant on her scooter though).

She does swimming lessons (her progress has been a bit limited but she really enjoys it and works so hard at it, so I haven’t taken any action on this - I don’t want to knock her confidence with that) and she goes to brownies, which she loves. But dancing, gymnastics, netball…all the stuff her pals do, she has no interest at all. And that is fine with me. She is who she is, and who she is is pretty fantastic.

I do however feel like she needs something else. I hate to say it, but I feel she’s becoming a bit lazy. She’s not a very active child. Loves a bit of tv (although isn’t particularly bothered about other screens). Plays with barbies, draws etc. We have a trampoline in the garden but she just lies across it with her toys 🤷🏻‍♀️ doesn’t do much bouncing.

She’s recently started saying she’s fat. Shes not remotely fat. I don’t know where she is hearing this (she says nowhere, it’s just how she feels). But I suspect it is linked to the lack of confidence thing. Like maybe she feels like she’s a bit clumsy? I felt like that as a child. I’ve lacked self confidence my whole life and I don’t want to watch her go the same way.

she’s asked about horse riding. I’m not keen. It’s so expensive and a bit dangerous. But I’m going to look into it.

I was wondering if anyone had any input?

Have you considered doing a class together? Perhaps martial arts, tennis, whatever, just something you can do together.

Could you go for a couple of short runs together every week? Maybe she’ll feel she’s able to go a bit faster with practice, and if not at least you’re building a healthy habit together!

What about something like geocaching? It’s something you can do together, outdoors and in all sorts of places. She’ll be exercising without noticing

Hiking can be fun?
Or get her some rollerblades!

I absolutely loved horse riding as a child - like your DD I wasn't naturally gifted at any normal sport. Horse riding is as expensive as you make it - starting out with cheap / second hand / re purposed gear, and some stables will let her work there in exchange for lessons etc. I was mucking out stables and helping feed the horses from a similar age to her, it takes strength to do it and it kept me fit! Lugging hay about, buckets of feed, brushing horses, polishing tack etc it's a proper workout. It teaches discipline and will get her out of bed early if she carries it into her teenage years!

On another point, it makes me so sad that at 7 children have a concept of feeling fat and low self confidence 😞 I hope she finds something to boost her!

God she has roller blades. Can’t do it. Again, confidence. She’s terrified of hurting herself as well. We have run and I really enjoyed that. She has long legs and watching her run I think she could be a great distance runner. But after a few runs she lost interest and didn’t want to come any more. I think I’ll try again though.

love the idea of a club together but we don’t have a huge number of options where we live. I’ll explore it.

On another point, it makes me so sad that at 7 children have a concept of feeling fat and low self confidence

oh tell me about it. This is what has spurred me in to action, to be honest. She really needs a boost.

Yeah I think I need to look further at horse riding. She asks for so little and if this is what she wants to do then maybe it’s worth trying? She absolutely loves animals and wants to be a vet.

Try to make a bit of a game out of it. I have a 1-year calendar, and I highlight every day I go for a run. Highlighting the date and seeing the calendar fill up gives me a huge sense of satisfaction.

You could make a 6-month running plan where you set little challenges: run 2km 3 days in a row, go for a run in the rain, run around a lake, run through a new part of the city, etc. You could make it look like a board game, and cross things off when you’ve done them. When the board is complete, you can do something really fun and special together - something you’re both looking forward to.

Just looked at our local riding school. £35 for a half hour lesson. It’s a lot.

What about bird watching? I used to do that with my kids when they were young and we had a wonderful time. We'd go on a hike/walk, bring some snacks and enjoy nature.

I would try martial arts. I have always loved it because you don't feel like you're letting your team down if your performance isn't as good as you like. In training you're mostly focused on yourself so you don't compare yourself with others and it has an almost meditative quality. Also, martial arts is something that's often suggested for kids who don't fit in because they have social or behavioural issues and it somehow works. It's a very inclusive environment in my experience with a lot of emphasis on respect. It's great physical exercise and not just about "fighting", although the ability to defend yourself does boost your confidence to!

What about something less competitive and low impact? Will just list some ideas - see if anything sparks for you! Won't be offended if they don't. Just brainstorming.

Yoga/ballet/pilates/Ti chi
Archery/Darts/Pool - they can really help with confidence and hand/eye coordination. Dart boards aren't expensive and you could have some fun in an evening in your garage (if you have one)
Fencing
Tap dancing
Gardening - growing her own veg!
Golf / mini or crazy golf
Sailing/canoeing
Drama - that can be very active
Hiking
Bowls - proper Bowls though outside (use skittles at home)
Nature hunts
Computer games like the Nintendo Switch/Wi etc that are active
Get her a kiddies fitbit and see if she can do her daily steps.
Karate
Failing all that - just spend time in your own garden playing sports - Frisbee, rounders, French cricket (Google it, it's an hilarious family game to play) - we play a version with a tennis racket and ball and the batter isn't allowed to move their legs at all. Adults and kids altogether, it's so much fun and so silly.

Also Kite flying - that gets you running!

The key thing is that she's active, she doesn't need to be sporty. Maybe some of the above are things to do over the summer hols that just keep her active and enjoying herself without really thinking about it as sport/exercise.

Do you have a junior parkrun close by? It's only 2k a week but they get milestone wristbands for 11/21/50/100 runs, so something to keep her going

Get her riding yes it’s not the cheapest hobby but what it has done for my DD is amazing she has a lovely group of friends from the farm her confidence and talent has grown so much yes it is a dangerous sport we have had broken arm and eye socket but she adores it and the confidence she now has is fantastic

Likes scooter go to skate parks or just walks and she scoots along. Put on just dance YouTube songs, me and kids love dancing along to them every now and again.

If you can afford it horse riding is a great sport, it really helps with balance and strengthening core muscles.

Hiking together or martial arts are other great suggestions. How about climbing/bouldering?

I'd look into sports which are individual but done as a group. Martial arts, boxing, climbing. Would skateboarding be easier than roller blades? At least she can jump off the wheels! Could you afford a one off private lesson to show her the basics?
Know nothing about horse riding, but if she's shown an interest, that's a good thing. (Check she really wants to do it and it's not because the other girls at school are horse-mad, that seemed to be prime age for it in my DD's class!)

someone earlier said geocaching - what about active activities like that that aren't obvious sport / fitness. What about getting the Pokémon Go app and go for a walk / scoot catching Pokémon? It really doesn't matter if she's not sporty. If you just want to increase basic movement / fitness, then stuff like that and just walking / scooting to the playground more could do it. Doesn't have to be an organised / expensive 'hobby' as such.

Why not join something like karate together. My daughter did horse riding for a bit, she loved it. The horses they use for children to ride are generally the more placid ones. Might be something she can really get into

If you can afford it, I'd let her try riding. My DD(11) sounds quite similar to yours and riding is the only physical activity she's ever taken to.

That said, she is currently off riding for six months recovering from a nasty break to her arm following a fall.

Rugby, DD has always been taller than average and used to make comments about jiggly thighs. She was a competitive swimmer at the time and not at all fat. In girls rugby there is a place for everyone and size is a bonus as well as being small and zippy. DD doesn't like running and had to avoid high impact sport as a younger child linked to her joints and her growth so never got good at in. In rugby you only run for short burst opposed to prolonged distance. It has given her a lot of confidence.

Cost wise £90 for Sept - May for the Girls team, I don't know how much minis is which your DD would fall into the age gap for, then £1 a week in the summer for touch rugby which is for girls, boys and adults from all of the clubs teams as well as parents and other family member which is good fun and sociable.

I’d go for riding. I know it’s expensive, but if you can afford it I’d try. If she’s interested in it shes more likely to stick at it.

Join a choir for confidence

Find a less common sport that no other child does that she can become good at without being able to compare herself to others

Get a dog? Or borrow a dog?

Junior parkrun. My 7 year old loves it. Great atmosphere and everyone kind and supportive. Awards after 11 and 21 runs (half marathon and then marathon). Run with her until she feels happy on her own.