To ask for some advice re my 7 year old

[Geneviev]

She’s just lovely, super clever. She’s a big reader, has a good group of pals and is doing really well at school which she loves.

Like me as a child, however, she loathes sport. Loathes it. Hates gym. Lacks confidence with it because she thinks she’s a slow runner (she’s not the fastest but she’s not as slow as she thinks she is either).

We both lack a bit of coordination and ball sports for example are not something that come naturally to either of us. She’s also struggling to ride her bike - again it’s all about her confidence (she’s brilliant on her scooter though).

She does swimming lessons (her progress has been a bit limited but she really enjoys it and works so hard at it, so I haven’t taken any action on this - I don’t want to knock her confidence with that) and she goes to brownies, which she loves. But dancing, gymnastics, netball…all the stuff her pals do, she has no interest at all. And that is fine with me. She is who she is, and who she is is pretty fantastic.

I do however feel like she needs something else. I hate to say it, but I feel she’s becoming a bit lazy. She’s not a very active child. Loves a bit of tv (although isn’t particularly bothered about other screens). Plays with barbies, draws etc. We have a trampoline in the garden but she just lies across it with her toys 🤷🏻‍♀️ doesn’t do much bouncing.

She’s recently started saying she’s fat. Shes not remotely fat. I don’t know where she is hearing this (she says nowhere, it’s just how she feels). But I suspect it is linked to the lack of confidence thing. Like maybe she feels like she’s a bit clumsy? I felt like that as a child. I’ve lacked self confidence my whole life and I don’t want to watch her go the same way.

she’s asked about horse riding. I’m not keen. It’s so expensive and a bit dangerous. But I’m going to look into it.

I was wondering if anyone had any input?

What about something like just dance on the Nintendo switch?

or more extreme but getting a dog helped my nephew because it had to be walked and he was too young to be left at home by himself

Horse riding is super expensive but kept me fit all through my teens. It was much cheaper when I was a child and like PP I exchanged some child Labour for free/subsidised lessons but I suspect H&S/risk assessment requirements have put paid to that.

I think I was quite like your daughter, more sedentary, bookish, not athletic and not coordinated. As an adult I like things like Pilates/yoga, and climbing. Perhaps you could look at those?

Exactly what I was going to suggest. Or Pokémon Go.

Different areas have different types of Pokémon so if you live in a town for example but head to the coast for a day you win catch loads of different ones than you would find at home.

At that age DD would happily do a workout on you tube too

Slightly against the grain here but she's seven. If she's outside and playing and having fun and has a healthy diet, she doesn't need to be doing organised sport against her will.

I don't want to be unkind but how much is she picking up from you and your disappointment that she doesn't want to do this stuff? Kids are really impressionable and she almost certainly knows she's disappointing you, that must be hard on her. Using words like "lazy" about a 7 year old is pretty harsh.

I'd stop trying to force her into activities she doesn't want to do and isnt very goid at. Spend that time with her, doing things she does enjoy, appreciating her for who she is and maybe she will stop worrying about there being something wrong with her body....

Tennis. My daughter is bright but not great at sport but Tennis is a skill to be learnt and mastered.

I started her at 6 and she's now 13 and still plays. The holiday courses are usually well priced and good fun as they meet kids from different schools.

Start with a weekly coaching thing, most clubs will run an after school or weekend club.

Everything you've written sounds like my DSD 8 including the same clubs she enjoys. I currently take her dancing, brownies, gymnastics and swimming but again, she also asked for horse riding and it was the best addition for us. She goes every other week as it's £23 per session but the stables were fine with that. I looked at a few stables and they all are similar costing but it's cheaper to do a group hack lesson or pony club than individual lessons. We do however go to park run on a Sunday (the kids one) and I or her dad join in with her. It's something like 2k and whilst she's not the fastest, because they give you your timed results she's seen the improvement in herself so started to not be difficult to us about going. For the fat comments, we spoke to the school as it was established it came from the playground. The boys had heard people say it and started saying it to the girls in their year. Her school have been focusing on body positivity and we make a point of not discussing a diet, weight loss, gym results etc as much to her. However, this said my gym does allow children in and they do run classes for them which she goes too so she's become aware of protein & the need to fuel your body to be successful.

It’s summer time so this is a great opportunity to go on some really long walks/hikes together. Easy exercise without it seeming like exercise. Or maybe if she has a game console you could get a dance game for it? There’s also Ring Fit for the Nintendo Switch. I’m in my 20s and I would play outside - rain or shine - for hours and hours with my twin and my friends who lived nearby. Is she an only child? Can you encourage her to play out with her friends?

Hiking? Try out lots of different nice local walks in your area, getting gradually longer.

Set it up as training to climb somewhere like Snowdon (or whatever is nearest) next summer, then she'll have the lovely confidence boost of having climbed a whole mountain.

What's her co-ordination like?
My son struggled with sports and took years to learn to swim/ride a bike.
Although it took us a long time to work it out, it is his motor skills (handwriting also poor).
He can do all these things now but he found it harder than other children to learn. He had to learn perseverance.

My dd does horse riding and she does one class every other month. It doesn't have to be a weekly thing. She is progressing fine. We pay for a 45min group lesson.

Have you ever looked at whether she might be dyspraxic? (I am, and a lot of your OP sounded familiar to me!) If so, might be worth bearing that in mind when looking at activities to do - some might be harder than others, and it might be worth steering her towards ones that require less coordination/balance, if that's an issue, so as not to further undermine her confidence.

But, to be honest, it's confidence I'd focus on trying to boost here, not exercise. Unless her doctor has raised concerns about her weight, the issue seems to me to be that she is lacking in confidence which is being expressed as a concern she's fat. Is she having trouble with anyone at school? Or any issues with her friends?

Street dance can be fun with the right teacher. Inclusive dance is good for non competitive. I do kickboxing with my young teen we are crap at it but it’s fun

Do you think your attitude about sport has rubbed off on her?
You seem pretty convinced she's uncoordinated and all these other negative things because you were.

Nothing comes just naturally. All skills take development and practice.

I like the idea of karate for her. She can really develop a lot of confidence that way. Sign her up and take her and drop her off and don't hang around.
You hovering around won't help.

My son was 7 when he had an accident and had a TBI. We signed him up for karate. It made a huge difference in everything.

I think at 7 I would just encourage her to try different things but mostly just focus on keeping a bit of activity as a normal thing you do.
Go for a walk.
Take a frisbee to the park.
Crazy golf.
Anything really.
Make a list of things to try during the summer.
My DD was similar in many ways, not great hand/eye co-ordination, not interested in the clubs many kids are.
But she has tried lots of things with Guides which has been great. The activities she's ended up liking are boxing and climbing occasionally. She's never enjoyed cycling but is happy to walk.
Some kids at 7 are very good at spacial sports and some aren't.
I think there's some good suggestions on this thread though.

Wow thanks so much - some great ideas here. I will work through them.

is it my fault? Possibly. But I do exercise now. She sees me going to the gym for example. I haven’t consciously put her off sport. But I have told her when she’s been a bit wobbly about not being fast for example, that it doesn’t matter and that people are better at different things and that she should keep trying etc.

i am beyond proud of her.

She reminds me of me at that age, though I really was the slowest runner.

Spending all my school days being forced to do competitive sport and being made to feel like a failure put me off most sports for life. I don't think I'd avoid sports to the extent I do if it weren't for school PE.

The only sports I've ever got on with are coxing for the rowing team at university (where being petite is an advantage, and you will never break a sweat), and cycling as a method of transport rather than as a competitive thing (if you're going down this route then getting a good lightweight child's bike like an Islabike can make all the difference). Many of the things mentioned upthread, like rugby and parkrun, are absolutely my idea of hell, but @Jopa2 has some ideas that even I'd find appealing.

I like the idea of horse riding but I never got the chance growing up. If you can afford it I'd let her try it out.

I get this. Doesn't sound entirely unfamiliar.

Someone above mentioned archery - I would suggest this too. Especially during the summer - there are often "try out" sessions going on all over the place. There are other people around but she can focus on her own progress and I think it's great for mental health as well - and you get plenty walking in too.

You say you go to a gym - are there any trainers there that do sessions for kids? My PT runs kids sessions where they can try whatever they want including all the equipment etc... find what they enjoy. There are so many sport type activities that many people don't think about for kids and then the kids grow up thinking they don't like sport - but they just haven't found the right one.

My 8yr daughter sounds similar to yours. Very bookish, not the most coordinated and not interested in dance.

She ADORES her time at pony club, it's cheaper for us than lessons £25 for 90 minutes and has given her such a massive confidence boost at school knowing she is good at something others don't do.

She also goes to Cubs which she loves, the overnight trips, kayaking, climbing etc have all really built her confidence and she is turning into a pretty 'cool' child with her own interests rather than just doing dance because her friends do.

She has also really improved in swimming recently as I've been taking her once a week in addition to her lessons, it's really improved her fitness and stamina and she has gone from weakest in her class to being asked about joining a swim club in eight weeks.

I'd do the horse riding if you can stretch to it.

DTs have a half hour lesson a week and are pony club members which means they go to the stables 10-4 on a Saturday to help out, they muck out, lead rides, groom etc. If they're lucky they get a free ride. They've been going since they were 7. Think the membership is £36 / year. If you can find somewhere pony club affiliated that would be good.

You daughter sounds similar to them, they pretty much hate all other sports apart from swimming, and didn't get cycling until they were 8.

Oops, sent to soon.

It's also been really good for them to have a group of friends outside of school that share the same interest!

Buy her a skipping rope. Cheap, individual and fun. Or a hula hoop.

Me and ds 7 play tennis a few nights a week round the local tennis courts... Free! Bonus!

What about dance instead of a typical sport, my sons adore their ballet lessons, my youngest isn’t a natural dancer but loves giving it his all!

Water sports are great for non sporty kids. Try kayaking somewhere?

Hi!

I was a bit like your daughter. PE was always my worst subject! I dreaded it.

A few things that I did/ do enjoy- cycling with a friend (the friend was the big part), walking/ hiking, yoga.

I've never tried martial arts but definitely worth a try!