To ask for some advice re my 7 year old

[Geneviev]

She’s just lovely, super clever. She’s a big reader, has a good group of pals and is doing really well at school which she loves.

Like me as a child, however, she loathes sport. Loathes it. Hates gym. Lacks confidence with it because she thinks she’s a slow runner (she’s not the fastest but she’s not as slow as she thinks she is either).

We both lack a bit of coordination and ball sports for example are not something that come naturally to either of us. She’s also struggling to ride her bike - again it’s all about her confidence (she’s brilliant on her scooter though).

She does swimming lessons (her progress has been a bit limited but she really enjoys it and works so hard at it, so I haven’t taken any action on this - I don’t want to knock her confidence with that) and she goes to brownies, which she loves. But dancing, gymnastics, netball…all the stuff her pals do, she has no interest at all. And that is fine with me. She is who she is, and who she is is pretty fantastic.

I do however feel like she needs something else. I hate to say it, but I feel she’s becoming a bit lazy. She’s not a very active child. Loves a bit of tv (although isn’t particularly bothered about other screens). Plays with barbies, draws etc. We have a trampoline in the garden but she just lies across it with her toys 🤷🏻‍♀️ doesn’t do much bouncing.

She’s recently started saying she’s fat. Shes not remotely fat. I don’t know where she is hearing this (she says nowhere, it’s just how she feels). But I suspect it is linked to the lack of confidence thing. Like maybe she feels like she’s a bit clumsy? I felt like that as a child. I’ve lacked self confidence my whole life and I don’t want to watch her go the same way.

she’s asked about horse riding. I’m not keen. It’s so expensive and a bit dangerous. But I’m going to look into it.

I was wondering if anyone had any input?

Honestly I would be trying to focus on enjoyment of the activity itself and learning to enjoy physical activity whether good at it or not. If she's not naturally very physically able, and you want her to be a fit and active adult, she will have to learn to enjoy being active for it's own sake and accepting she'll often be worse than others at things.

I say this because I'm not terribly able. My parents allowed me to just not bother, and it's been a harder lesson to learn how to enjoy activity as an adult than it would have been as a child.

My DS is not very physical either and not confident. But we have really persisted (it's been hard), and got to the stage where a) he is fitter, so the barrier of it feeling too hard has gone and he enjoys it more b) he is accepting that he won't often win/be best and is learning to do things "for fun".

We started off by building in regular walks as a family so he was used to activity. Then built up to him riding a bike or scooting while I jog, so he is getting his heart rate up. We try and go swimming a lot.

We got a climbing frame in the garden.

We try and find activities where you are active but it's not too competitive against others, and things we can do as a family.

I love this idea!

Exercise doesn't have to be intense exercise like running, if she thinks she is slow I don't think she would enjoy a park run. My 7 year old went once as her friends went and absolutely hated it.

I'd go swimming outside lessons if she enjoys it. Go to the park more. Play chasing games. Soft play is amazing exercise (all that climbing!). Bouncy castle visits. If she likes animals go on a nature walk and try and take a mini beast or nature scavenger hunt with you. Something like a golf lesson and then do pitch and put. It doesn't have to be intense exercise but anything that builds her confidence and stops her sitting down

I understand your reluctance about horseriding, but for my DD it was the best thing we ever did.

She was also 'clumsy', took ages to learn to ride a bike and was 'unco-ordinated' so couldn't catch/throw/kick balls etc

Over the years, we had her at classes for (at her request) swimming, badminton, ballet, tap, trampolining, ice skating, roller blading, rainbows, brownies, guides and judo. Some she did for a few months, some until she completed the full course (which took years i.e swimming and guides etc), some she did only a few times, or until she had advances a few 'levels', and grew bored so stopped.

She wanted a 'horseriding' birthday party at 6yrs old, which was VERY expensive (so was very small too !) but she LOVED it. We spent the next 12yrs attending lessons once a week (which other family members very kindly contributed to).

She still kept up with some of the other 'hobbies' like Rainbows, swimming and others (cheap ones or 'important' ones like swimming)

She also put birthday/Christmas money towards doing all the different Summer Camps they do, where they work their way up the levels etc (as well as progressing through the riding levels with her weekly lessons etc)

Over time (once she was 7 yrs old and knew enough about how to care for a pony etc )she began to participate in being a 'helper' at the stables, so she could 'earn' riding time (most stables have a helper scheme where they help skip out/feed/groom etc to earn riding time), which meant that as she grew, she earned her own lesson time, so we didn't need to pay much at all.

Fast forward to today, she's 20 yrs old, just finished her 2nd year at Uni doing Equine Business Management degree and works as a Junior Coach at the same stables, which gives her a couple of hundred pounds a week and fits beautifully with her degree.

You never know how your DD will 'take to' any sport/activity etc, but if you can expose her to as many as you can afford, then she'll find her 'niche'.

I would never have thought my very 'unco-ordinated' DD would've chosen the sport she did, and that it would've ended up being the career she wanted to pursue, but that's what has happened.

Give your DD all the experiences you can, and let her choose what she is drawn to.

If she enjoys swimming, I would take her to do that more regularly for fun family swims in addition to her lessons. Few children make great progress with just 30mins/wk in the pool any way, even without coordination issues, so it will be hugely beneficial to her progress as well as her fitness. It is actually a pretty great activity for the uncoordinated IMO, as once you finally do 'get' it, it is a repetitive action and doesn't require reactive coordination.
I would try and find the money to give horse riding a go if she's showing an interest. Better to spend it on one thing she likes than to waste the same on several things she doesn't.

My just-8yo is very uncoordinated and also struggles with things like hand writing and buttons. It took her ages to learn to hop and skip etc, she has a very unique style of running, and doesn't do well with ball games. We suspect dyspraxia, and given the level of flexibility she has and her history of dislocations, possibly hypermobility too (we're awaiting an appointment). However, she is very strong and has the most amazing level of grit and determination when she wants to do something. She loved swimming from toddlerhood, so we would go often in addition to her lessons. She struggled for a long time to get the coordination and basics of the strokes, but once the penny dropped her progress has been phenomenal. She joined a swimming club 2.5yrs ago, and it has done wonders for her confidence as well as further pushed her ability forwards and made her incredibly fit. She can now swim a mile nonstop and is beginning to earn a few medals for galas and charity distance swims. She loves the social side too, and as some PPs have mentioned, being in an individual sport but part of a team works very well for her: the best of both worlds!
She also loves rock climbing, which suits her strength and flexibility but she can take her time to work out what she needs to do and how. Maybe try one of those places with brightly coloured climbing walls aimed at kids to see if she likes it?
DD1 also does Cubs, which is often very active. They do a lot of hikes, trips to trampolining places/swimming/kayaking etc, and various fun sports as well as the usual knot tying and fire making. There are badges for more sedentary interests too that can be earnt either at home or with the Cub pack. I don't know much about modern Brownies, but it was never particularly active when I was a child - would she be open to switching perhaps?

Our pool did normal swim classes but also the intro to diving and synchro, DD did these alongside her normal lessons from grade 5 but I think your meant to be a little higher but her normal swim teacher taught them and was happy to have her as knew she was confident but needed to hone her technique. She mad massive progress and then did the lifeguard sessions as well at 9 once she'd finished the synchro and diving courses.

My DD hates PE and can't do anything will a ball, nor team sports.

She horse rides but via a pony club so in a group and cheaper, £19 per hour. She also likes bouldering (climbing without ropes), Pokémon go and playing in the park. Oh and swimming but only the pool with the wave machine and slides.

We are lucky enough to live on the coast so rock climbing/ hopping is also popular.

I would try to give her the idea that “physical activity” and “sport” are two different things.

Everyone needs to do physical activity but there are many different sorts - walking, dance, swimming, hoovering (!), jumping on the trampoline etc. It doesn’t have to be a sport.

I wrote myself off as “non sporty” at school age and really regret it as it meant I did no exercise for years. I wish I’d tried to find physical activities I liked instead.

Has she tried swimming? Dance?