Aibu to ask landlord mil to not come round

[Frustratedtenent]

Me and my DH currently rent a property from my mother in law she charges us less than market value for the house which we really appreciate. However she has a key to the house and let's herself in as and when she feels like, she has often made comments about mess or clutter she isn't happy with when she turns up unannounced. She will often take it up in herself to clean or reorganise areas and has on more than one occasion decided to paint refloor or decorate without asking. I also know from my doorbell footage that she has let tradesmen in again without asking and at a time that she knows I'm working.
It has got to the point I don't feel comfortable in my own home and am really struggling with anxiety, am I been unreasonable to ask for notice for her coming around and only to do so when necessary? DH thinks I'm over reacting and that as she owns the house she is welcome to come as she wishes and feels she is only trying to help.

I can't stand reading threads like these - family charging mates rates who think that entitles them to barge on on your privacy. Yes, she owns the property, but it's your home and she should not be intruding. Even if she doesn't do the formal landlord's 24 hrs notice, she could at least text beforehand. And she should absolutely not be rearranging your things.

Honestly? I would love and rent somewhere else.

YANBU at all to want privacy, and she shouldn't be letting herself in etc - but are you going to be able to stop her without causing aggro? You risk souring the relationships as well as losing the cushy rental, so I would just step away from the whole thing and go back to having a normal (non-landlord) relationship with your MIL.

That's really intrusive. Your DH says you're over-reacting because he doesn't want to deal with his mother. Sounds like you need to have a conversation about setting firm boundaries.

^ I would move

Is it the case that they let you live there at a reduced rent? If not, then move out!

We rented from a family member at a discount who told us they had the right to come and look through our drawers and cupboards. They rearranged cupboards saying we were doing it wrong. We saved up as hard and fast as we could and moved out. Now very LC.
she visits as a guest as your MIL, or she requests to do things, she doesn’t change things as you live there.

Thing is, because she's renting it to you at less than market value, she doesn't see herself as a landlord with sensible boundaries in place. She sees herself as doing you a favour.

And trying to draw normal landlord boundaries is not going to go down well with your DH (or MIL) from the sound or things.

Owning the house or not she needs to give you notice!

The OP states it's rented at less than market value.

I have mixed feelings about this because I have been on both sides (sort of). I lived for free in a flat a boyfriend’s parents owned and I kept it spotless and had to accept they would pop in etc. that’s part of the deal I think.

on the other hand, my mother let my brother and his girlfriend live in a flat she owned for next to nothing and was definitely too instructive but they treated the (lovely) flat like absolute shit and the clutter/mess was not ok at all and I could understand why my mother was upset with how they were treating her property.

You need to move out and into another property.

Regardless of being your MIL, as a landlord, she needs to give you at least 24 hours notice to come into your home. Not just barge in as and when she feels like it.

And your DH is shit by not challenging her on this.

Is paying a reduced rate worth this stress?

Nope - not ok. Your husband is a knob.

Start being unexpectedly home in the day and wandering around naked or leaving a load of sex toys out when you're not in... Embarrass her into giving you privacy.

YANBU.

However, it’s extremely unlikely you’ll get her to stop, particularly as your DH thinks it’s OK.

So you need to decide, what matters more-

cheap rent+ stability + annoyance factor
vs
expensive rent + insecure tenancy + total peace

If you want to stay, there should be respectful boundaries drawn. But you HAVE to get DH onboard with this. And if you want to move, you’d HAVE to get DH onboard with this.

So - as usual, it’s a DH thing. Will he support the drawing of respectful boundaries and can he stand up to his mother when she tramples them?

Sorry - to add I would say to your husband that it’s not about MIL - its

I mind someone letting them selves into my home
I mind someone going through my drawers
I mind someone commenting on the state of the house
I mind workmen letting themselves in
I mind the decor being changed without consultation

If he refuses to engage - I’d leave

YANBU to ask her, but YABU if you expect it to make any difference. Someone so nosey and controlling won’t stop just because you ask. I would get house hunting.

Yy three tulip's!

Look it's below market rate. She's also getting something out of this though isn't she.

She has the comfort and knowledge that her own son is in it, less chance of damage, squatting etc.
No agent's fees?
No fees for all sorts of things .
Is it the current epc rating?

I wouldn't say it's a one sided favour here.
Unless your literally paying zilch.

Indeed sortilege

Regardless of how much The rent is she’s the landlady she cannot legally just enter the property without notice.

Tell dh he either fixed it or you guys move out. Or nuclear option is to file against her for violating rental laws.

Meh as the saying goes ''it's best to pay with cash.''

I was about to suggest some huge dildos stuck in obvious places - shower walls, kitchen counter etc.

Reduced rent doesn't make up for that sort of thing! Do you have a proper contract, or is it a slip cash into the bank sort of thing? You had a DH and a MIL problem, she's overstepping boundaries and he's missing a backbone imo.

You need to move out and into another property

easy to say but money might be an issue. I am currently living with parents due to an accident I had and it's annoying as my mum is very territorial but with free rent it's the price I pay. If I'd money I'd have my own place.

I wouldn't be happy with my landlord turning up with no notice and commenting on my tidiness.

I wouldn't be happy with my MIL
turning up with no notice and commenting on my tidiness.

Why would it suddenly be OK because she is both? If anything its worse!

Doesn't it depend on whether they signed a tenancy agreement and are legally tenants?

Would it be expensive to change the locks?