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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to ask landlord mil to not come round

61 replies

Frustratedtenent · 13/06/2022 18:18

Me and my DH currently rent a property from my mother in law she charges us less than market value for the house which we really appreciate. However she has a key to the house and let's herself in as and when she feels like, she has often made comments about mess or clutter she isn't happy with when she turns up unannounced. She will often take it up in herself to clean or reorganise areas and has on more than one occasion decided to paint refloor or decorate without asking. I also know from my doorbell footage that she has let tradesmen in again without asking and at a time that she knows I'm working.
It has got to the point I don't feel comfortable in my own home and am really struggling with anxiety, am I been unreasonable to ask for notice for her coming around and only to do so when necessary? DH thinks I'm over reacting and that as she owns the house she is welcome to come as she wishes and feels she is only trying to help.

OP posts:
11Hawkins · 13/06/2022 19:05

Leave some sex toys out next time she comes round, she won't come back in a hurry! Grin

Giveitall · 13/06/2022 19:06

I sincerely hope that she’s following all the applicable landlord legislation for renting out a place?
Do you have a proper Shorthold Tenancy Agreement? Have you all signed it?
Did she take an inventory when you moved in? Have you all agreed it?
Is any deposit yous paid registered with an approved Tenancy Deposit Scheme for which you hold a certificate? Ask her.
If she holds your details on line or has your number in your phone, this counts as data & she needs to register with the Information Commissioners Office?
Is the boiler annually serviced?
Have your electrics been examined & certificated as per the law change last year?
Are there working & tested smoke alarms?
Is there a carbon monoxide alarm?
Does she declare the income on her tax return?

Regardless of you being “family” if she takes on the mantle of being your landlord, she has legal responsibilities. Fines for non compliance can be crippling. £thousands!
Maybe you need to start asking some pertinent questions?
That might frighten her off? Might make her think twice about her intrusions?
Do your research. Knowledge is power! Stop being a pushover you two!

OhmygodDont · 13/06/2022 19:08

DockOTheBay · 13/06/2022 18:57

Doesn't it depend on whether they signed a tenancy agreement and are legally tenants?

Show quote history

The second they regularly paid monies each month and where living there they are tenants with the all the same rules and regulations as anyone else. You do not need a written tenancy to be a tenant with all the protections it can bring.

Beelezebub · 13/06/2022 19:11

Move.

SlatsandFlaps · 13/06/2022 19:13

Change the locks! If she kicks off then ask her for section 2 notice - then when she discovers she can't do this as there's (presumably) no tenancy agreement, maybe then she will realise that doing things by the book is beneficial to both parties. Perhaps then you can then have a proper discussion about what is & is not acceptable

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 13/06/2022 19:14

Next time dh mentions sex tell him you couldn't possibly relax knowing his dm could walk in at any moment..
Seriously get the locks changed.

SlatsandFlaps · 13/06/2022 19:14

*Section 21 notice

Cherrysoup · 13/06/2022 19:15

Even without a Shorthold Assured tenancy, your mil is breaking the rules. As you live there and pay her rent, it is assumed that (and in law you do have) you have the same rights as any tenant. You do not have to allow her entry, even if she gives you notice. You can keep her out forever unless there’s an emergency eg fire/flood.

Have you told your dp that she is making you very uncomfortable and that you want it to stop immediately? Is he ignoring you in favour of keeping his mum happy? Major red flag.

mathanxiety · 13/06/2022 19:20

Do you have a written lease that you and MIL both signed?

If you have a lease then there should be a clause about notice she has to give before entering.

If you don't have a lease then I think you need to get one.

Or move out and think seriously about the relationship with DP. He's a mamma's boy.

SurfBox · 13/06/2022 19:24

Regardless of how much The rent is she’s the landlady she cannot legally just enter the property without notice

She actually can, it depends on how the contract is written or rather the terms of it. I had a ll once who regularlly walked in unannounced, I asked her to please knock/give notice and she informed me to check the contract and that we rented the bedrooms but the open space she could openly walk into. That was a house share but still...

comealongponds · 13/06/2022 19:25

YANBU but you’re not going to get anywhere with it if DH won’t back you up

i would move.

OhmygodDont · 13/06/2022 19:28

SurfBox · 13/06/2022 19:24

Regardless of how much The rent is she’s the landlady she cannot legally just enter the property without notice

She actually can, it depends on how the contract is written or rather the terms of it. I had a ll once who regularlly walked in unannounced, I asked her to please knock/give notice and she informed me to check the contract and that we rented the bedrooms but the open space she could openly walk into. That was a house share but still...

That would be correct in a hmo or living as a lodger situation but not a normal tenancy with one family residing.

tenancy agreement cannot override the law either so doesn’t actually matter what it says.

Original poster
Frustratedtenent · 13/06/2022 19:29

Thank you, the rent is the reason we are currently staying as we were originally looking to move out of area due to rental prices in the area so she offered us this at a reduced rate which we gladly accepted however we now have 2 children in a local school and pets which makes moving a lot more complicated. We have also invested a significant amount of money in the property ourselves decorating and getting it as we want it.

I have explained to my husband all of the above and he is very dismissive I will attempt again this evening using this thread for back up.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 13/06/2022 19:33

SurfBox · 13/06/2022 19:24

Regardless of how much The rent is she’s the landlady she cannot legally just enter the property without notice

She actually can, it depends on how the contract is written or rather the terms of it. I had a ll once who regularlly walked in unannounced, I asked her to please knock/give notice and she informed me to check the contract and that we rented the bedrooms but the open space she could openly walk into. That was a house share but still...

If they rent the entire property, no, she can’t. The situation you’re describing is totally different.

Sortilege · 13/06/2022 19:35

We have also invested a significant amount of money in the property ourselves decorating and getting it as we want it

OMG Why?! She really is doing well out of this isn’t she? Her son won’t pick her up in anything she does, she gets to sticky beak whenever she wants, and you’ve paid to upgrade her investment.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/06/2022 19:39

We have also invested a significant amount of money in the property ourselves

Sorry but that's on you. Unless it was agreed work that she agreed to pay for, you can wave that money goodbye.

What do you want? To stay there and change the locks?

Or to move somewhere else?

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 13/06/2022 19:40

DH thinks I'm over reacting and that as she owns the house she is welcome to come as she wishes and feels she is only trying to help.

Ah yes, ‘I’m only trying to help’ - the meddler’s mantra. They get to act virtuous and hurt, as well as laying on a guilt trip into the bargain.

I think the big problem you have here is that your husband doesn’t see the issue. Without him on board, you will struggle. You really need to outline how unhappy this is making you - and refuse to be beaten down by the old ‘But she’s my mum, she’s not doing any harm’ routine.

As another poster said, it ultimately comes down to what you want more: privacy and the freedom to live your life, or cheap rent from someone who’s unlikely to turf you out. It shouldn’t have to be the price you pay for a good deal, but it all comes down to whether you think you can win the fight.

theemmadilemma · 13/06/2022 19:42

Fuck that.

I'd pay more rent and move.

MissyCooperismyShero · 13/06/2022 19:49

Octomore · 13/06/2022 18:24

Thing is, because she's renting it to you at less than market value, she doesn't see herself as a landlord with sensible boundaries in place. She sees herself as doing you a favour.

And trying to draw normal landlord boundaries is not going to go down well with your DH (or MIL) from the sound or things.

This exactly. She just feels shes doing you a complete favour at an obvious cost to herself. Up to you what you do about it, between put up with it or move out. What you don't get to do when someone is doing you a favour is dictate the terms of the favour. Its like you see on here all the time...I want you to provide free child care MIL. Lovely good. And you must only feed the child carrots and don't introduce her to your friends. Bollocks.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2022 19:55

This situation has divorce written all over it. Your MIL is quite clever, isn't she? She has her mummy's boy son right under her thumb, and she can monitor and control your lives as she pleases. She has no respect for you, and she certainly isn't concerned about your marriage. Your useless husband isn't concerned, either.

I couldn't live this way, and it's simply untenable for a healthy marriage. Your mental health is going to be in tatters over this.

Also, why on earth are you investing so much money into someone else's property?

WhereTheLightningBugsBlaze · 13/06/2022 20:00

do you live in a town that starts with C? Sounds just like someone I know!

GabriellaMontez · 13/06/2022 20:00

I don't know how you stay married to someone who is so disrespectful of you and your feelings. Does this disrespect manifest in other ways?

Januarytoes · 13/06/2022 20:00

Could you offer to buy her out OP? Paying the mortgage might be a similar amount to the reduced rent.

StoneofDestiny · 13/06/2022 20:02

Blimey, that's no way to live.Does your husband really think his mothers behaviour is normal and that it's normal for you to tolerate such gross invasion of privacy?

ginislife · 13/06/2022 20:06

Can't you change the locks ? I thought so long as you replace them with the old ones when you move out you can ?