Would you be offended by this comment?

[needredbulltofunction]

You have too much time on your hands.

Just made me feel stupid and that my life is considered by someone as unfulfilling. But then maybe I’m reading into it too much?

I don't think it's a particularly kind thing to say

She sounds tedious and I suspect she enjoys bustling around being conspicuously busy. But could there be a grain of truth in what she says, in that you are fixating on and ruminating about minutiae? Would it be better to distract yourself with some activity that forces your thoughts into other pathways?

In context, she may have meant you were overthinking it and look fine.

But you think it was malicious and you don't like her, so why are you putting time and energy into a non-friendship?

Depends on the context

Someone said that to me last week after I told them I’d spent my Wednesday night building an assault course for my pet rats and I thought that was meant kindly

Sorry hadn’t RTFT

how is your friend usually in terms of being supportive? Could she be going through something herself?

I often get people say it to me and it pisses me off. It's normally in response to something I've been doing in my spare time possibly as part of a hobby or something that I enjoy that that they don't feel they would.

For example I love nothing better than trawling round the charity shops to find bargains or a certain thing because I don't want to pay full price and I've had people say "you must have too much time on your hands as I couldn't be arsed with that".

Someone said that to me last week after I told them I’d spent my Wednesday night building an assault course for my pet rats and I thought that was meant kindly

I never usually say this but I'm saying it now: they were envious. As am I.

No. Regardless of the context.

@ChronicallyOnline

I need to be your mate. 😁
I totally get the elephant question. Myself and a friend once spent an afternoon wondering if you collected all the dust off of the floor of all the buildings in a country would you be able to compact it all together hard enough to make an island. Which then lead on to how much dust would we need for said island to support life and reach down to the sea bed so it didn't sink. Neither of us are scientific so it was totally bizarre but it amused us.

In that context I would be, yes. YANBU.

I'd think that they were an idiot for saying it but I wouldn't be offended.

I sometimes do a 'stock check' of the cutlery to see if any item has been lost or thrown away (not that I can do anything about it).

I'm one spoon down at the moment

I think she meant you're spending time looking for faults that others wouldn't even think about . It doesn't sound as if it was said nastily, more of a comment, but you know her.

It depends who says it and why. My grown up daughter says it to me about stuff I'm interested in and might go on about but always in a jokey way. But we have that kind of relationship, i usually just agree with her. If it's just banter it's fine I suppose.

You sound ace

I’m sorry OP, that’s such a belittling comment to make when you struggle with dysmorphic thoughts. My DM says this to me when I’m in a health anxiety spiral and it’s such a minimising, unkind thing to say when someone is struggling.

Sorry, that was to whoever posted about an elephant in M&S and tge smell of white diamonds - I thought I had posted the comment!

Depends on context - giving a friend a handmade item which they love and they say this it's said with love, whereas if you are being an interfering busybody and someone says it then less so love!

It's a belittling comment and sounds like she's lacking in empathy for your situation/issues. When I know someone is like this, I don't write them off, but I do restrict how much of my feelings I share because I don't like my feelings to be invalidated or minimised. I also find that this type of person will think that their problems and feelings are more important and worthy of understanding and sympathy than most other people's in their life. Again, shows a lack of empathy, self awareness and insight.

My first reaction was, well I would not like someone saying something like that to me. Its the kind of thing school gate mums might have said in a patronising way, when I was SAHM, in primary school and talking about some arrangement or other.
But Having read some pps on here, I'm torn between maybe she did mean, you are spending too much time worrying about it and that was meant in a friendly way
but when you say things like
Just think she belittles my life a little because I’m single and my job isn’t as important - I do have a social life but I feel she competes to tell me that hers is better?

In that context, she was possibly being a bit dismissive. In any case, someone who "belittles" your life doesn't sound like a real friend.

I guess the key would be if she often makes rather careless remarks that make you feel crap, then maybe it's time to take a bit of a step back and certainly don't give her opportunities for further remarks. Spend more time with people who make you feel more comfortable. She's not someone I would confide in. Your health is your business and its up to you how you deal with it, not her. To keep repeating are you seeing anyone about this is quite intrusive I think.

It depends on tone and context.

Usually, someone means you are spending time on trivial things, or over-thinking something that's not important.

For example, if I said I'd washed and ironed all my dusters, I'd deserve that observation!

If, on the other hand, I felt insecure or unhappy and wanted to talk to a friend, and once I'd started to, she shut me down with those words, I'd feel hurt.

Only you know how it was meant.

But if you have some 'issues' it might be best to think about investing in some therapy - like counselling or CBT- to help yourself.

Only you can say - depending on your friend but maybe she was trying to put your mind at rest if she thought you were overthinking the problem you feel you have.

I voted YABU because in my circles this is said frequently and not maliciously - usually a joke. However, I then remembered my very busy friend saying this to me, when I was sharing a cause of anxiety, and I found it very dismissive. She's my best friend of many years and generally great, but I have obviously haven't forgot 🤔

YABU for being friends with her. What do you get out of this friendship? She doesn't sound very pleasant!

The problem is it isn't just about this one comment is it. Because yes maybe she was aiming for "you're perfect the way yo u are and you only notice this stuff because you give it too much time to focus on it" but on top of the "aww" head tilt and the constantly going on about how she's VERY important and VERY busy I'd assume she's condescending, possibly unhappy with her life, and not a great mate