Do you stop your children from talking to children whose parents you don’t like?

[Fullofhotcrossbuns]

Or do you view it as odd controlling behaviour?

The parents around my way have no difficulty in doing so. They may not be able to prevent the kids playing together at school. but they make sure there are no "play dates" and no invitations to birthday parties etc.

But when it’s on parental territory it’s naïve to imagine that anyone is going to want the local junkie/aggressive twat/paedophile in their life

That's not what we're talking about. In my area, its just people the other mums dislike, whether it's because they work and they don't or they don't work and they do. And it totally comes down to what car you drive too. You probably think I am making it up, but I'm really not!

I think it goes on into secondary where we are because the classes all move up to the same secondary so the parents still know a good chunk of the other parents. When I went to secondary I was one of only two girls from my school who went to that school, so it was a different scenario.

My eldest is only 2.5 so at the moment her friendships outside of nursery are only our friends’ children. When they’re older I’ll never stop my kids playing with anyone, but I’d certainly prioritise precious free time for nurturing friendships that were good for our family as a whole i.e. that we’re not being routinely thrown together with kids or parents that we’re not keen on because one of our DC likes them/their kid.

I am fascinated as to where all these places are that everyone is judging each other on their cars. We live in a really affluent area and no one talks about this kind of stuff at all... Everyone is included in parties, there is a friendly class whatsapp and everyone seems to get along just fine!

I can think of children where I may not have been happy for DS to have had a sleepover at the family home - but I wouldn't have shut down a friendship altogether.

Absolutely not!

My ds can choose his own friends. He has enough sense.

when I was 12 I was told by my parents that I wasn't allowed to see my best friend any more because her parents were getting divorced. All it did was teach me that my own parents were ignorant, judgemental and bigoted. I didn't end my friendship.

I won't make the same mistake.

I like the parents round where I live

As a socially unacceptably looking parents, the cliquey school gates mums avoided us at all costs. It did have an effect on my child who noticed that she was left out of parties until she was older and parents weren’t expected to stay. One mum would invite my daughter along but only if she could pick up and drop her off so we didn’t go to her house.

Now when I say socially unacceptable looking I mean we have tattoos and don’t wear boden 😂😂Nothing controversial in this day and age but frowned upon in the backwater suburb we live. One parent didn’t like us because we were academic and discouraged our kids from playing together. It’s batshit.

You don’t have to like the parents but unless you know for sure they’re biting the heads off chicken/bats/small children then maybe give them the benefit of the doubt and let the kids play together. Kids can’t help their parents and someone may feel like that about you!

There is one child I wouldn't let my DC play with outside of school but that is an (I hope) isolated case.
No I wouldn't stop her playing with anyone else, like others I might be more reserved about her going over to some people's houses but just suggest the park etc instead. She's only 6 though so it's quite easy just now.

I wouldn’t stop a friendship, no. If the reason I didn’t like them was because their values were so far away from what I find acceptable I’d be worried about my kid being around them then I would refuse invitations that would lead to that, but wouldn’t tell my kid they can’t be friends with them. Might even invite more to our house to make up for it. If I just found their taste in music to be boring or found them irritating to be around or too caught up in instagram or something so I didn’t like them but they were fine as parents, then I wouldn’t get in the way of a friendship at all but wouldn’t instigate joint trip to the park or days out.

Lol, when DS1 went to school we got invited to a Halloween party. Parents could stay. I went with him and the mums, who I’d never met before, all congratulated me on putting an effort into a costume and saying it’s nice when the adults join in. I laughed and said “oh this is just how I dress, the tattoos are real” (I’m quite gothic looking and have some Halloween themed tattoos like spiderwebs, black cats, moons etc) and they didn’t talk to me again for the entire night and ever after 😂😂😂

Am I alone in being surprised at how many people actively dislike other parents?

I don't actively dislike other parents for the sake of it, or for any other petty reasons given over the last page like what car they drive. I dislike those I dislike for the things they've actually done wrong. Some examples are one of my daughters friends in year 4 had a parent that for whatever reason didn't like my daughter so used to say nasty things about her to her daughter who then told my daughter. I know the child and never had a problem with her, she was just repeating things said to her (and from various other parents, I know she said those things and said them about other kids too). She was just not a nice person so I didn't like her. Another would discuss with her 10 year old inappropriate adult topics who would then discuss at school. Some of the things she discussed were just not appropriate topics for her child to then be repeating at school. That's just briefly without explicit detail of what was said, I have a few more examples on top of those two but won't detail them all.

So while I dislike these people for the kind of people they are I don't stop my child being friends with them but I wouldn't actively encourage it by initiating play dates etc. And if approached by them I wouldn't ignore I'd say hello back and be pleasant because I'm an adult but I'm allowed to dislike certain people for whatever reason I like doesn't mean I'm publicly petty about it. And my reasons are valid, to me.

That sounds ridiculous. There is a fair amount of ridiculous about, but hey ho you don’t have to engage with it.

Jesus No

It hasn’t arisen. My children choose their friends and they’ve always been lovely kids. But I have said no to invitations from parents who I disliked for example one who was a notorious trouble maker and even the school had trespassed her. My daughter didn’t even play with her child, it was just the mothers way of trying to whip up a social life. And another who had a pool party for her 5yo. Parents were invited and there were drinks. Sounds great, right? Except all the parents clustered down one end of the pool chatting and drinking and no one watched the children (except me). A recipe for disaster. Obviously her childcare skills were below par so no, I didn’t let my child go there again.

No I wouldn't involve children

There's a guy who lives around the corner that I can't stand, gobby arsehole who talks to his kids like crap

I don't stop my dc chatting to his children on the walk home though or in the park

It's not the children's fault they have such an awful parent.

We have exactly this here too!

Wow I didn't realise there was a significant minority who would leave a child's friends as "school friends." That's really sad.

I dont get everything right (far from it) but this thread has made me relieved that weve let our children bring their friends home to play!!! There have been kids with parents who aren't in my circle and probably wouldn't be but if they're important to my child we've had them over to play after school/to tea after school regardless of parentage. Let them chiose party lists etc.

Looking back now youngest is nearly secondary age I wouldn't have done any differently.

Certainly our kids loved bringing their friends over!

I have had some conflict with a mum at my children’s school - she physically put her hands on my son (is Autistic)- police have been involved as she’s been harassing me in public in front of my children- making threats- police have shut the case - my issue is my son has just broken his ankle and one of the parents at the school who is friends with the mum I’m not keen on she keeps asking my child details of why he’s been off school, how he hurt his foot. It’s quite petty really as it’s not her argument and I can’t stand people sticking their noses in. But I do not like people asking my child them type of questions when I do not have any kind of friendship with this mum. She knew I wasn’t happy as she kept looking at me whilst talking to him with a big smirk on her face. So when we got home I asked him next to just to say hi and if she questions him to tell her to ask me about it. I explained to him that she’s friends with the woman who touched him. He just shrugged his shoulders. I’m angry 😡 not at him at her!!! Btw he broke his foot at school - football (uk) tackle. Am I being over sensitive?

No I don't control my children's friendships at all

Just about sums it up!