Do you stop your children from talking to children whose parents you don’t like?

[Fullofhotcrossbuns]

Or do you view it as odd controlling behaviour?

Never but we’ve had it happen “my mum says to stay away from you because she thinks your mum is a bitch!” While I know the mum hates me and I’m not a fan of hers, I’d never put that on the dc.
Her incompetence put my younger dc’s life at risk so she ended up having a disciplinary at work, reported by another staff member and not by me… it appears she blames me for this. It’s baffling. Yes, she works in dc school so that’s fun.

Well there is a risk of harm if the parent is racist or inappropriate or a heavy drinker or any number of things.

Depends if I think speaking to the children will bring them harm. So generally not but there are circumstances where I'd understand it.

One of my friend’s little girls was invited on a play date by a classmate’s mother and told her, “My mother doesn’t like you” 😂

God I laughed. Such sweet children. Totally appropriate too as the parents were nightmares, child was only 6 and they were into third school and had caused huge upheaval at all of them. Thankfully moved on very quickly.

How so? How is your child speaking to little Hannah at school (who unfortunately has an alcoholic mum) putting your child in danger? Or inviting Hannah to a play date at your home. How is that putting your child in danger?

Obviously if you let your kids go play at anyone’s house that’s different but op isn’t talking about that, she’s talking about simply speaking to the child.

Out of curiosity, if your mum or dad is a drug addict or alcoholic who are you allowed to be friends with? Or should these kids sit in the corner of the playground alone?

I completely agree with this

Well there is a risk of harm if the parent is racist or inappropriate or a heavy drinker or any number of things.
I wouldn't tolerate the DC of a racist or their parents for a second.
Alcohol or drugs? I'd monitor the friendship as I wouldn't blame the DC we live in a diverse WC area, many parents have problems.
Violence and racism are no go friendships.

Ok for example

There was a lovely little girl in my daughter’s new entrant class. The girl announced to the class that dad was in prison. That child was a school friend (not a home friend)

Another parent let her daughter go to the little girl’s birthday party, I didn’t let mine go. After the party the mother was distraught because the dad was out of prison, and had invited all the little girls into the bedroom to look at porn on his computer.

See to me it was a no brainer. Nobody goes to prison unless they have committed a serious offence. Nice kid. School friend only.

I mean it depends why, does it. I live next to a girl I didn’t get on with at school - her dc are a similar age to mine, I have no issues with them playing together. If it’s because the parent is abusive or a bully or downright nasty, then I wouldn’t let my dc go to their house or anything like that.

I think it depends, I wouldn’t stop my kids talking to them or playing in a park with them but as you said I wouldn’t want them going to their house or on an outing with the parent who I believed to be a risk to my dc. DS1 is friends with a boy who’s on foster care, this boy has behavioural issues due to trauma and can be aggressive. I have no issue with him coming to our home, or taking them out together, but I wouldn’t like to not be there to supervise (as much because my own DS is autistic and could equally kick off as much as his friend).

i was that weird and controlling type, and I didn’t encourage friendships with children whose parents drank partied and used drugs.
but discouraging friendships is a few steps beyond chatting in the school yard.

Its odd controlling behaviour

when ds2 was in reception for about a week there was an incident involving two other children….nothing awful but the parents of all three children were called into the class and the parents if the other two children spoken to (personally i would have apologised but they didn’t)

the mother of one was very unhappy, the next day we were walking towards school and ds1 and the other lad ran to each other and started chatting…

she called her kid back and wouldnt let him speak to ds1 !!!!

then she removed him from the school 😱

I thought it was dreadful behaviour and didn’t ever want to do it myself

No. If I felt the parents posed a risk to my DC then I wouldn't allow them over to their house. However, I'd invite their DC to parties, our house, play together at the park etc.

My father was an alcoholic. Life would have been unbearable for me if I was excluded from a normal social life because of him, although of course completely understandable that other parents wouldn't want him supervising their DC. I really think my life would have turned out differently without the close friendships I developed as a child- they made me feel less isolated and taught me what normal, healthy friendships look like.

No I don't but I don't encourage the relationship either. Often the Apple hasn't fallen far from the tree but that's for my child to figure out and I allow them to find out for themselves. I don't discuss anything to do with the parents or my issue with them with my kids it's not appropriate or necessary.

I’ve had this the other way round. My daughter has a best friend whose mum I was friends with. But she kept being rude to me. I let it go a couple of times but in the end I told her I no longer wanted the friendship to continue because I don’t want rude friends, although I wouldn’t let it stand in the way of our girls friendship. She agreed but later, her daughter told my daughter, ‘my mummy says I can’t be friends with you because your mummy isn’t friends with her’. They decided to carry on being friends anyway, showing that two 6 year olds are more mature than the cretin of a mother, who I was clearly right about.

Ill still invite the little girl to my daughters party and her mother can explain to her child why she’s dragging her child into her problems. Yes it’s controlling and childish.

@Fullofhotcrossbuns Why do you not like the parents?

I wouldn’t stop mine from talking to another child but I’d definitely thwart play dates. And, for older children I’d be very clear about why.

I have a situation at the moment where one of my children is friendly with a boy who is largely neglected. Parents are very sweet but don’t have a clue about parenting and the child roams at all hours. My child always nagging for sleepovers there but given there is no supervision it’s a hard no from me.

Generally IME as the child of "those" parents, yes, I was left to play in a corner of the playground alone. The worst was in class time when we had to get into groups of 2 and 3 and no one would partner with me. It's a pity the kids who ostracised me and my ilk are now parents doing the same to another generation of innocent children. We are not our parents.

I don’t but there are two children in my DC’s class that have left my DC out of things because their mums don’t like me.

Only if they were were dangerous or yeah racist, homophobic, drunk, drug addicts or just plain vile etc. but that would be just going to their house. If they want to talk to their friend or have their friend around my house I wouldn’t mind but I wouldn’t leave my kid with anyone like that.

Plenty of people have awful parents through no fault of their own, some horrible people have perfectly lovely children.

No I wouldn’t it’s not the kids fault I don’t like their parents.

if the parents were not safe people to be around then I would discourage them from going on play dates etc. but if they were perfectly ok and I just didn’t like them due to them being annoying/ big headed/ loud about being tories. I’d still let them go I just wouldn’t pursue a friendship with them myself.

Hideous behaviour to stop a friendship because you don't like the parents.

That parent could have poor social skills- so you're punishing the child?

Obviously different if the family is an organised crime ring.

Why don't you like the parent?

Gosh I really am sad that some of you would only have kids to your home that you approve of. Leaving anyone who has "difficult parents" as "school friends" only is so unkind. Why not have them over?!

This is the whole "People Like Us" and awful. Yet on "should i send my child to private school or will they be ostracised as we are low income" people like to say they wouldnt be.... yet here some people are pretty much saying yhey would remain "school friends."

As a child from a posh m/c background that turned sour (alcoholic parent) it makes me sad to hear that other parents would have discouraged friendships.

And I guess similarly with a child in a high income area now wondering whether other parents only want their children to mix with other high income/sailing/skiing crowd and other Parents Like Them :( and if that will affect my child. Sigh.

Glad there's lots on here that aren't that petty!

I wouldn’t even have the energy to try to stop it but yes I wouldn’t have said child over or anything

Had a school mum get nasty on me, bullied me and intimidated me at school. My DS is still friends with her son, there's not much I can do about it and would never tell my son he can't speak to him anymore, after all it's not the kid's fault his mother is a complete twat. Needless to say, he does not get invited over or out anymore. Makes me terribly upset still and breaks my heart for my son (who struggles a bit with friendships). There are some crazy, nasty people out there. I avoid school parents as much as I can.