Do you stop your children from talking to children whose parents you don’t like?

[Fullofhotcrossbuns]

Or do you view it as odd controlling behaviour?

Its not the children's fault is it if you don't like the parents is it.
Not only that but good luck stopping kids playing together.

It's very controlling.
Yes, we need to protect our children, but that's different from making choices on their behalf. Kids need to figure this stuff out for themselves- who they want to be friends with, and why. It shouldn't be based on their parents.
My child was once told (by an adult) he couldn't play with another boy because she didn't like his parents, and therefore my son should respect her wishes
I was a bit annoyed about this, as I've always allowed my son to make his own choices re friendships and wasn't going to put up with someone else dictating his friends. Needless to say I do t have anything to do with her anymore.

Did anyone say it was anyone else’s fault? I don’t recall that being sod.

And what I’ve read in here is that it’s fine for kids to play together at school, of course, if they want to.

But when it’s on parental territory it’s naïve to imagine that anyone is going to want the local junkie/aggressive twat/paedophile in their life.

Am I alone in being surprised at how many people actively dislike other parents? Perhaps I am odd or insulated but most I like and the others are tolerable or I'm indifferent to so would never think to mange DCs' friendships for the reason raised by the OP.

I think it’s weird you have to be friends with mums for children to be friends. This didn’t happen when I was young. All parents had to be was friendly.

I have had that issue at primary. Some parents didn’t like me because me and DH worked! One mum for other reasons spent a lot of time trying to organise her daughters friendships with who she approved of, she tried to force a friendship with a girl we knew from Brownies as she was obsessed with the mum. This other girl was super popular and is still is in her new school and just not that interested in that girl.
It’s backfired as apparently her DD has struggled to make good friends in secondary (different to my DD) and there’s no way for mum to get involved now.

No, children have to make their own friends. Even when parents don't like the friends (just wait until they are teens young adults; you ain't seen nothing yet).

When they make a poor choice of friend, it's an opportunity for parents to help and support them in how to cope with social issues, problem behaviours, listen to your gut and conscience etc.

So sinnerman you wouldn't invite kids home if you didnt like/qpprove of the parents?

Resipsa I can kind of see a certain "type" of parent who wants to only have the "right type" of children back to their house to socialise. Thankfully more common on mn/affluent circles than in my local primary.

Parents at ds' school used to do it. Even well into secondary school. Very odd behaviour, but people tend to be very aspirational middle class snobby and very judgey. Either they actively dislike people or you just don't meet their standards eg the car you drive. So they don't want their kids making friends with the "wrong" sort.

Some parents didn’t like me because me and DH worked yes exactly this!

It is weird isn't it, but it was definitely a thing around my area when ds was small and probably still is.

@TheYearOfSmallThings not true in my case. I steer my kids towards the kids of the parents who aren't those people. The parents who aren't constantly humble bragging on the class WhatsApp or talking about house prices (when lots are in temporary accommodation) or being rude to the school office staff. I want the low key, easy going mums to be friends with, ones who are interesting and can be understanding of my general crapness with world book day and birthday party organisation. Luckily I've found them!

Fine for them to be friends at school.

But I politely decline play dates if I’m not comfortable with my child going to their home, eg if they have a dog, if the mum is unfriendly or avoids getting to know me first, if there are signs of a chaotic lifestyle or their DC are allowed to watch age-inappropriate films, play games for older kids, go to the park alone (DS is 6).

I think it’s fine to only encourage friendships outside of school if you like and trust the parents. After all they’re taking care of your DC in your absence!

@22N

So exactly what I’ve said and nothing like the op’s question then. Being discerning about where your child goes unsupervised isn’t the same as not allowing your child to speak to certain children.

What nice language. People who are drug addicted aren’t evil and ‘junkie’ is just such a nasty word. Maybe you don’t want them in your life and that’s fine, but acting like being addicted to drugs is just the same as being aggressive or a paedophile is so unnecessary.

Must drug addicts have questionable behaviour and don’t particularly look after their children very well.

What’s that got to do with your child speaking to them though? OP didn’t ask if you would let your child go to anyone’s house. She asked if you’d stop your child simply speaking to the other child.

And yes, drug addicts can have questionable behaviour. They still don’t need to be called ‘junkies’ and likened to paedophiles.

But maybe you could actually expand on your op and explain the situation you’re thinking of. Or just make it clear that this thread is intended to explore all the children who aren’t good enough (because of their parents) to interact with your child.

I have explained the situation, I am happy for my child to talk to any other child in the play ground or park

No, I wouldn't have stopped them talking, but I did stop them socialising when picking DD up after 2hr play - Mum invited me in, then asked if I wanted a line, sitting in darkened room with 3 blokes and just shouted at kids to stay in garden.

Luckily we moved shortly afterwards. But the girls loved each others company, so we did have her daughter for a sleepover which turned into 3 nights!

But no, you can't choose their friends for them based on the parents. I had a luky escape!

Luky! Lucky even.

It's definitely a big thing in my town. I wouldn't stop my kids being friends with anyone unless there was a safety concern. In fact, I can't stand my dc best friend nor his mother. But he stays over there and sometimes comes here and so long as he's happy, I can deal with it. The mother is cliquey with a group of others who turn their kids against anyone who isn't in their clique... I've always thought it was a weird, cult like way to be.

No and I’d take them parties etc. I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to arrange play dates if someone was particularly hostile because those tend to involve a lot of parental contact.

Once past primary I didn’t even know their friends parents. When younger and at the age parents have to tag along too and it was me organising play dates then if there was a parent who I wasn’t that keen on I would still invite them but make it a group activity with other parents so we weren’t stuck in a one to one situation. But I never really disliked any of them but more of a case I found them hard work and maybe a bit uptight or more hovercraft parent than I was.

No I wouldn't but DD is only I and I barely know any of the other parents so haven't actually had to deal with this scenario.