To create an online manual for housework

[lokabrenna]

I’m fed up of doing all the housework, but husband claims not to know what needs doing, and when it is done it’s done badly.

Would I be unreasonable to create a little online manual that explains how to look after the house?

I do explain things to him, like that the fluff thing needs emptying on the tumble dryer, or that the dishwasher has a filter that needs cleaning, but he never remembers, so all these things fall on me.

im thinking he can read the manual, plus added bonus is that when he says he didn’t know it needed doing I can tell him to refer to the manual as I’m done repeating myself.

Do it and when you have I'll buy it because I've got adhd and I'm shit at house work

Hah! What aspect of ADHD means housework us hard…. I’m suspecting it’s my husbands issue too

It won't work. If he wanted to pull his weight he would have done already

I can see why you might have got to this point if he's not pulling his weight but ... just feels a bit patronising, sorry OP.

You know what, this has given me a brainwave!
I have two tweens ASD the eldest of whom is starting to want to do stuff himself.
A house/life manual is a great idea!!
And we could encourage them to make their own as they become adult!

Problems with Executive function means housework can be really bloody challenging.

He won’t find it patronising as I already make lists for him at his request, lists for weekly jobs, lists for house maintainance jobs, lists of things he has to do for the kids cos I’m out

Does he have a job op?

This will be an organic house document that can grow as needed

Yes he has a job, and I have asked why he seems to be able to function at work but not remember the things I gave asked for

Sorry typed to quick, have asked for.

he said his brain gets full

Some people might find it patronising but others will find it bloody useful!
We have cooking instructions for eggs/rice/pork roast etc on the fridge because DH just cannot remember! We have shelves lab-led by person in the siting cupboard for towels because noone seems to know which colour is there's and it drives me insane. Oddly my family love this! If it helps it helps!

Eugh spellings. Sorry

This is an amazing idea!

I’m going to make one for myself, find keeping on top on the house so hard.

I think there's a Team TOMM app that has checklists, daily/weekly tasks etc. Not sure if it's editable or not but it might save you from reinventing the wheel.

I have looked up household stuff on SM. Make them videos then you might make money from clueless people like me who watch videos on how to check if the washing machine filter is clogged

I voted YABU, because what your husband is doing is weaponized incompetence. He is "forgetting" stuff on purpose. He is doing things badly on purpose. He is acting like an ignorant ass who has never heard of Google on purpose.

He hopes that the net result is that it's "easier" for you to do it all yourself than to keep "nagging" him about it and so he'll be off the hook. He'll get a nice clean house, his food cooked, his clothes laundered, his groceries at his vingertips and he doesn't have to lift a vinger for any of it.

LTB. You are worth more than to have a giant man-child for a "partner".

im thinking my manual also needs a section called “how can I tell it needs cleaning”

sink- got bits in the strainer
shower - soap scum in tray
dishwasher filter - nothing coming out clean, bits on glasses

As you say, he is a functioning adult presumably holding down a job. He can't be trusted to look after his DC and do basic household tasks? He ignores what you say (and request repeatedly) and is happy to leave all the shit work for you to do? He doesn't have much respect for you does he, or care about being a good role model for his DC?

These are fucking basics. I am ND myself and regularly forget stuff but I write my own fucking lists. I set reminders. If I feel I need help I ask for it. I don't sit around expecting my DH to have to treat me like a child. I take some responsibility and have more respect for myself, as well as him.

I don't think I could bring myself to fuck anyone I had to treat like a child, let alone live with them.

Clear as day. He sees housework as your responsibility. Make a manual if you want, but he won't change unless he wants to

You need “ Tool kits” which is what we have at work although god alone knows how long it will take you to write them. I think if you looked on Pinterest you could adapt a system that already exists ( Like Fly lady or the Busy Mum Something or other) Then you could create “ Central Command centre” where you store these laminated sheets and your menu
plans. Etc ( this is my fantasy home right here)

I know where you are coming from, but he claims he genuinely doesn’t see the mess and isn’t aware of what needs doing.

so if I plug that gap, and it continues, then he’s talking bollocks

Someone has to want to apply themselves though…. It’s too easy to “forget”

"The organised mum"
"The busy mum"

Fuck.That.Shit.

I'm sure as hell not setting the example to my DC that I can clean the house as I have a uterus, but DH can't as he has a penis.

Do you want them to have relationships like this in the future?

When it comes to his hobbies or anything he actually likes to do that he needs to prepare for, is he equally "ignorant"? Has he never lived by himself? What would happened if you fell ill? Would your children just get neglected?

And like other posters mentioned, how does he hold down a job if he is this organized?