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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend has my baby's photo on his phone screen

85 replies

PinkCheetah · 11/06/2022 11:58

Am I the only one that thinks it's strange? We went to his BBQ party last night. When we arrived and got sat down this friend excitedly showed me DD's photo I had shared on a WhatsApp group, on his phone's Lock Screen.

I thought it were weird as people are going to see it and think that's his child, no? I asked for my DH's opinion and he didn't see the problem, in fact he thought it was sweet of him!

For context, this friend is gay and married to his husband. Very broody and wants kids via IVF/adoption in the next couple of years.

I just thought people put their own kids on their phone screen. AIBU? I'm willing to be told otherwise!

OP posts:
skybluee · 11/06/2022 12:38

I don't think it's weird especially as he's thinking of IVF and having children of his own.

goldfinchonthelawn · 11/06/2022 12:38

Is he into manifestation? people who are see friends having what they want as a sign it is coming closer into their lives. So maybe having your baby on screensaver is his visualisation board. Sort of cute and weird in equal measure.

JenniferPlantain · 11/06/2022 12:44

Really cute baby photos are universally happifying. I have a photo of my niece as a screensaver because every time I look at it it makes me smile. I’m sure this is all your friend is doing. He’s really happy for you, thinks your baby is cute and gets to tell people who ask him “who’s that baby on your Lock Screen” that’s it’s his Bestie’s adorable baby.

Unless you aren’t telling us something and you think there’s something very dark going on I can’t understand why this would bother you.

HollowTalk · 11/06/2022 12:46

I think it's really sweet.

Original poster
PinkCheetah · 11/06/2022 12:47

BobbinHood · 11/06/2022 12:34

I find it a little odd but if he’s broody etc that probably explains it. I’m sure I had my nephew on mine on occasion before I had my own DD.

I understand it if it were nieces and nephews because you're family. But not between friends.

OP posts:
Pegasushaswings · 11/06/2022 12:48

Its kind of weird but if hes very broody its probably a comfort & delight to him

Mamai90 · 11/06/2022 12:50

I actually think that's really sweet. People on here would love to make it sinister because he's a man but if he's a long term friend then he loves you and even though he's only met your daughter a few times he loves her because she's yours.

My friend was first to have a baby out of all of us and I used to have her sons picture in a frame by my bed when I was a lot younger, he is my godson but I'd only seen him once or twice as they lived abroad. I loved him because I loved her. All our friends had pictures of him, this was before smart phones but no doubt we'd have had pictures of him on there too had they been around at the time.

It's really not weird at all.

Branster · 11/06/2022 12:53

I think it's OK, in the context you explained.
He'd be the perfect godparent if you are going down that route.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/06/2022 12:54

I think close friends kids are much the same as nieces and nephews. Sounds like he’ll be a devoted stand in uncle. I think it’s very sweet and not weird at all.

BobbinHood · 11/06/2022 12:56

PinkCheetah · 11/06/2022 12:47

I understand it if it were nieces and nephews because you're family. But not between friends.

Show quote history

I’m closer to my friends than my siblings. If I’d had a godchild or something when I didn’t have children myself then it’s something I might well have done. I hope they wouldn’t have been offended by me doing so, I don’t think they would but I suppose everyone is different.

Name1232 · 11/06/2022 12:57

Does he just change his lock screen regularly? One of my friends changes hers all the time and when she visits she'll often take a photo with one of the kids and put it as her lock screen. Before I had kids she'd constantly be changing her lock screen too, it's just a habit she has of setting any photo she likes as it.
I'd find it weird if a friend who usually had the same lock screen for a year at a time etc did it, but not if its someone who is regularly changing it to their favourite photo at that time.

Pennyhill22 · 11/06/2022 13:00

I don't think it's weird. He obviously is very close to you and probably thinks of your DD as a niece. Before I had my own DC I had a picture of my niece in my office and a keyring with her photo. I was delighted to be an Aunt and wanted everyone to know. She's 17 now and she's still my favourite...ssshhh.

Adamantspants · 11/06/2022 13:01

If he wants to be a parent too, maybe it is a manifesting, inspirational, vision board type of thing. I see absolutely no harm in it whatsoever.

ChagSameachDoreen · 11/06/2022 13:09

That is weird.

Also weird is a gay male couple thinking they can have children by IVF. They're missing something vital...

zingally · 11/06/2022 13:17

It is a little bit weird. I wouldn't have a picture of someone elses child on my lock-screen! I don't even have my own kids on there!

That being said, I do have some framed photos of my best friends kids in my house. I don't see them any different as nephews or nieces.

Goldfishjones · 11/06/2022 13:18

I don't think it's weird unless you get other odd vibes from him. My best friend had my baby as her screen saver for a bit. It felt like she was sharing in in my joy when he was born and I was quite touched by it.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/06/2022 13:20

It's odd, but how odd depends on whether he plans to keep it there, or is someone who changes the screen picture every day. I know people (mostly younger) who do that, and in their cases it wouldn't mean anything to worry about.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 11/06/2022 13:20

Friends can be as close as siblings to some people so if you don't find it weird for a niece or nephew then i don't think it's weird for a close friend. Seeing your 2 month old 5 times already sounds like he is quite involved. I'd take it as quite sweet unless there is a reason it's making you uncomfortable.

Allywill · 11/06/2022 13:22

My daughter’s driving instructer was in his 60s. He had a photo of a teenage boy on his phone as screen saver. She asked if it was his grandson. No it was a random boy he had met in town shopping, he asked if he could taken his photo because a) he was German and b) he was very tall. Now that is weird!

FT96 · 11/06/2022 13:22

I personally wouldn't have someone else's child as my Lock Screen.. maybe he's just super excited for you as he hasn't been able to have this experience yet.

AhNowTed · 11/06/2022 13:32

Total non issue.

JingsMahBucket · 11/06/2022 13:43

Mamai90 · 11/06/2022 12:50

I actually think that's really sweet. People on here would love to make it sinister because he's a man but if he's a long term friend then he loves you and even though he's only met your daughter a few times he loves her because she's yours.

My friend was first to have a baby out of all of us and I used to have her sons picture in a frame by my bed when I was a lot younger, he is my godson but I'd only seen him once or twice as they lived abroad. I loved him because I loved her. All our friends had pictures of him, this was before smart phones but no doubt we'd have had pictures of him on there too had they been around at the time.

It's really not weird at all.

I completely agree with this. He’s very sweet and loves your baby because he loves you. I’d feel grateful that my kid had another person who loved him. Also seeing your baby five times in 2 months is absolute devotion @PinkCheetah! Cherish that. He would be a great uncle for your baby. :)

Seraphinesupport · 11/06/2022 13:43

I thought it was odd until you said he was gay and wanting IVF.
I would find it sweet, he wants kids and cant so easily so he is projecting his love for a child onto yours. As long as it doesnt get possessive then its fine i think.

Gwenhwyfar · 11/06/2022 13:45

Can OP explain why it's OK if your family, but not friends? I only see my DN once or twice a year so I'm no closer to her than a family friend would be, much less actually.
I also have friends whose children call me auntie so why couldn't I have photos of them as my phone lock?

Gwenhwyfar · 11/06/2022 13:46

Seraphinesupport · 11/06/2022 13:43

I thought it was odd until you said he was gay and wanting IVF.
I would find it sweet, he wants kids and cant so easily so he is projecting his love for a child onto yours. As long as it doesnt get possessive then its fine i think.

But if he was a straight man who wants kids, it would be odd?