To not take the job?

[xmasaries]

First thread!

I'm young (under 25) and have 2DC, one in school and one aged 2.

I've been offered a job with a surprisingly high salary for a starter and the company will support me to do a degree.

We've always struggled financially and this would put us in a much more comfortable position.

However, I am just feeling down that I'll be sacrificing so much time with the kids.
The hours will mean I'm out the house from 8am-6pm all week, will never do school drop-off or pick-up and my youngest will be in childcare 50hrs a week. The idea that I'll only have the rushed bit of time to get out the house and do bedtime with them is just getting me down.

In contrast, I have a job offer that is a lower salary but they're willing to accommodate whichever hours would suit me.

I just feel like I'd be in the wrong by turning down an offer that would financially benefit us but also feel like I'd be in the wrong by sacrificing so much time with my DC when they're still so young.

Don't underestimate how hard it might be to jump into a high flying career with better money later down the line. Things change very quickly, there are countless women who having spent 10+ years out of the workforce really struggling to gain the ground to get back in. Think about the bigger picture not what you want now.

I would be realistic if I were you: the high paying job with long hours and studying for a degree will leave you with hardly any time for yourself and your kids. it all sounds exhausting.

A full time degree is a lot of work and even you were to do it on a part-time basis it means combining work and studies for 3 to 5 years.

You are better off taking the lower paid job with the flexible hours and finding ways of doing part-time studies.

Your partner should also look at how they can bring more income if you are the one left with the majority of the child care duties.

I'd take the higher paid job with nary a backward glance.

When do you intend to tell them about the flexibility you need? I would be livid if you got through to offer stage only to start making demands for flexibility. I would just withdraw the offer which means you've wasted your own time as well as the recruiting company.

Often the second preferred candidate will have been stood down by the time you've wasted everyone's time trying to negotiate terms which you knew from the very start are 'completely unsuitable'. How you cannot see that this the height of unprofessional and selfish behaviour, I really do not know.

Of course there isn't, cobdidering your is perfectly normal. But she has applied for a role where the hours don't suit her. That is wasting their time. And if you find out at interview that the job isn't going to suit you - a professional person would say so, not wait til they've completed their decision making and then turn down an offer.

I'd think about the long game, will the higher paid job and degree allow you more flexibility in the future? I was in a similar predicament, but actually retraining and working longer hours for a few years has meant I now work part time, term time hours for more money than I would have been on working year round and full time in the other job I was considering! I've found actually being able to do school runs and not having to sort the nightmare of school holiday childcare was worthwhile- DS doesn't really remember being in childcare when young and we did have time together still. It means me and DH get a good few weeks off together with DS which is really precious.

This might not be an option in the other job, but I would try and think beyond the near near future.

Lower paid job now, higher paid job when the kids are older.

Many women who choose this option never get such a good opportunity later, unfortunately.

I’d take the higher paying job in a second. You still have weekends and evenings to spend with your kids.

I’d take the higher paying job in a second. You still have weekends and evenings to spend with your kids..

I imagine she’ll be busy studying in the evenings and weekends to spend any large periods of times with her children.

As an aside, don’t underestimate how much the feeling of exhaustion will impact on your time with the children. The hours of work, the length of time out the house, the studying, never mind fitting in everything else in your life, just seems so much and it will wear you out. I used to work full time with two children and I ended up dropping my hours to 25 in the end because something had to give.

At one point I worked a 4 day week and I left that in favour of a job where I worked 3 days (but longer hours) because I couldn’t bear the thought of only seeing my children briefly in the morning and briefly after it, for four days. So I understand how you feel. And please, please don’t underestimate how so much reduced time with your children may emotionally affect you if it’s not what you want.

I spent every day in childcare when I was a child and I hated it. I hardly have any memories of spending quality time with my mum and instead most of my ‘happy childhood memories’ usually involve fun things I did with my childminder. I hated it and I missed not having my mum there for school assemblies or schools fetes or Nativity plays etc, and of course it doesn’t affect me now as an adult, but at that time in my life I felt very sad that she wasn’t there.

Sadly my mum had no other option because she had to work full time so I have never let on to her how difficult me and my sister found her absence.

As many other posters have said though, what is your family set up like as this should play a large factor in your decision making process.

Since having my children I have changed my job circumstances to do reduced hours and take reduced pay and not take promotional opportunities so as not to jeopardise time with my children, but I was only able to do that because I am married and my husband’s wage compensated for my reduced one. If I hadn’t had the stability of being married though my choices may have been different.