To not take the job?

[xmasaries]

First thread!

I'm young (under 25) and have 2DC, one in school and one aged 2.

I've been offered a job with a surprisingly high salary for a starter and the company will support me to do a degree.

We've always struggled financially and this would put us in a much more comfortable position.

However, I am just feeling down that I'll be sacrificing so much time with the kids.
The hours will mean I'm out the house from 8am-6pm all week, will never do school drop-off or pick-up and my youngest will be in childcare 50hrs a week. The idea that I'll only have the rushed bit of time to get out the house and do bedtime with them is just getting me down.

In contrast, I have a job offer that is a lower salary but they're willing to accommodate whichever hours would suit me.

I just feel like I'd be in the wrong by turning down an offer that would financially benefit us but also feel like I'd be in the wrong by sacrificing so much time with my DC when they're still so young.

I’d take the higher paid job. Ask if you can WFH a couple of days a week after the first couple of months.

Once you prove yourself there’s a really good chance that you will be able to go part time

I would take the lower paid job. My eldest is 15 now and I feel like her childhood passed in the blink of an eye. You'll never get the time back.

that term is used for high paid career men who were wedded to their job 24/7.

women dying in hard ship with little personal pension and reliant on meagre state pensions probably do have concerns about how much they sacrificed to their family before securing their own future. Particularly if those children she sacrificed her personal security for are busy with their own lives and don’t see her that often or have no appreciation of what she did.
and I think before you state no money in the world can compensate for lack of quality time, you maybe want to walk in shoes of someone who currently can’t afford heating, food, petrol etc ….when you are worried about how the next bill will be paid it is hard to get into a head space of quality time.

Trite, naive, meaningless sayings.

im not saying she should take the higher wage job…but really are those your best argument?

Women get screwed over all the time financially and in the workplace.
I'd always advise functioning as if you have to rely on your wage only and ensure you're able to be totally independent.
This sounds like a brilliant opportunity especially as there's a degree in it for you! Take the higher paid job and when you get settled start some negotiations with them about flexible working arrangements.
What industry is the role in?

You have to do what's best for you and what you can do around the edges, eg if DH and family around it's much more workable.

Personally I'd take the job then negotiate on hours later-if you're doing a great job they will want to keep you.

These opportunities don't always come round again and they come less and less the older you get. It's absolutely not right at all (one of the big things we get wrong in the workplace) but in general I think people are far keener too support and develop older people as younger.

Op, there is no right answer here as you can see it is pretty 50:50 and based on experiences of women responding. Whatever you do will be a compromise and you are going to have to weigh up those compromises.
what is it that the employers saw in you to offer the higher salary degree support job? Focus in on that….either those skills mean you could look for similar role but maybe with more flexible hours, or maybe you could take low aid role and study through OU in meantime under your own steam…..in other words don’t think of it as an “ either or” there maybe other ways to achieve the same end point involving less of a hard choice

whatever you do, you will regret some aspects of compromise you made…it doesn’t mean you made wrong decision, it just reflects that as working mums or SAHM and anything in between, there is no right or perfect way to do it and searching for that is a waste of effort.

If it were me it would be lower paid job. I couldn't put money and a career before my children. That said it's a very personal decision. I always think back to what a friend said, realistically you've 16 summers with your children before they go their own way....stopped me in my tracks.

There'll always be jobs and the chance to study but there'll only ever be 16 summers.

I would definitely check on the degree arrangements i.e. do you get paid time off or are you expected to do it in evenings/weekends on top of full time work? The latter is hard even without children. Could you negotiate working only for a year or two before starting the degree if you would normally start it straight away? Then you can settle into work and kids can get some of the nursery bugs etc out of the way and be a bit older. The kids will be fine whatever you do. I agree with everyone saying that women are disadvantaged by part time/lower prospects in the long run but burning oneself out in the short term trying to do everything isn't ideal either... I think it also depends whether you have a wider support network eg grandparents who could help out in school holidays. And whether salaries will be such that you can throw money at the logistics eg cleaner, gardener. Do what's right for you!

Totally agree, it's a tough call OP but 50 hours childcare? That's such a long time for any child to be in childcare

There's no right or wrong here.

It comes down to personal values - ultimately do you value family time more than financial stability?

Only you can answer that really (sorry, not much help).

Personally I would take the higher paying job with prospects but that's because I value career success, financial stability and personal growth very highly.

Someone that values time with their children when young higher than that isn't 'wrong' or 'right'. They just 'are' and that's okay.

Time sign your children is priceless.

*with

Take the lower paid job. There is plenty of time to look and work towards higher pay in the future. 50 hours of childcare is ridiculous with such young children. You clearly enjoy your small children so want to have these early years with them. It would be different (as with so many career focussed women) if you found them boring and were desperate to get back to your career.

I loved my little kids, and still had time to enjoy my much higher paid career now. I could go higher, but I wanted a good work/life balance.

Take the higher paid role, once you are in the job you will have more opportunities to move into other positions and to find the flexibility you want.

If you have a higher base rate salary then in a couple of years when childcare is just before and after school and costs a lot less you could go part time and be making the same amount as the lower paid role would give you for full time work.

It's completely normal for many people.

My son has been in childcare for 50 hours a week since he was 8 months old. Most children where we live do the same from about 3 or 4 months old and they are fine.

I'd take the higher paying job. It will set you all up for life and a sacrifice here will payout in the long run. If the lower paying job has prospects then that's one thing but a financially secure life for all of you trumps everything in my view.

Ridiculous post.

how will this affect your family “system”? Does your partner work and what are their hours like? Is it zero hours contract or more stable? Who could cover school holidays/ sick days etc? High paid job sounds great but need to think about the wider perspectives too.

I'd take the higher paying job. Opportunities like that are rare and there is never a "better" time to get a degree - children don't get easier, just different and more expensive. It sounds like the higher paid job will buy you options for how you spend weekends and holidays.

But to answer the OP

I stayed home with my children when they were young, and I'm grateful for it. They remember nothing from it though 😊
I'm grateful to my ex for facilitating it.

However..... I was so so so lucky when my marriage failed- I had just qualified in my profession, and was able to ( just) support us.
Just. I am in a relatively low paid profession, and I'm tired of being poor. Tired of not being able to help my kids more. I can't afford nice holidays. When the kids were little, I sometimes only had a few hundred quid for holiday, and I made it work. It was tough.

There is usually a middle ground though. What industry are you in?
Is yours the only income?

TheProvincialLady · Yesterday 08:18
If you’re struggling financially now, you would not be wise to take a low paying job with no degree prospects. Your children will become more and more expensive and the cost of living will keep increasing, and when you’ve got through those years where your children are still very young you may struggle to find an employer who wants a 30 year old with no degree who has only worked in low paying jobs. The chance of a funded degree is huge for your future prospects and financial stability.“

this. Such opportunities are rare.

The support with a degree is potentially worth a hell of a lot and not something you should pass up lightly.

Have you looked into whether there is any potential flexibility on hours? What are the leave arrangements like? If you can be sure of being available for things like parents' evenings and special assemblies that's probably the most important thing. The charms of doing the school run wear off incredibly quickly.

Are you married and is your relationship secure? If so I would take the lower paid job. You will never get that time back with your dc, make the most of it.

Follow your gut. But personally, if I could afford it I would take the lower paid job. I wouldn’t sacrifice time with my young children. You can always chase money and career in the future. You won’t get this time back with your littles, and 50hrs of nursery a week is too much in my opinion.

It really depends on the higher paid job. Is it a career and the chance to earn very well in the future. If so, I'd go for the higher paid job that are willing to put you through a degree. These chances do not come along often you probably won't get another chance like that.

Is the lower paid job like £2k less a year or nnw and so a big drop in salary.

I've got 2 little ones and work part time so I know how hard it wld be to go bk to full time. It's not something I wld do but I built up my career before I had kids so I earn well part time. In your shoes I'd really consider it, something your family will hugely benefit from in the long run.