To not take the job?

[xmasaries]

First thread!

I'm young (under 25) and have 2DC, one in school and one aged 2.

I've been offered a job with a surprisingly high salary for a starter and the company will support me to do a degree.

We've always struggled financially and this would put us in a much more comfortable position.

However, I am just feeling down that I'll be sacrificing so much time with the kids.
The hours will mean I'm out the house from 8am-6pm all week, will never do school drop-off or pick-up and my youngest will be in childcare 50hrs a week. The idea that I'll only have the rushed bit of time to get out the house and do bedtime with them is just getting me down.

In contrast, I have a job offer that is a lower salary but they're willing to accommodate whichever hours would suit me.

I just feel like I'd be in the wrong by turning down an offer that would financially benefit us but also feel like I'd be in the wrong by sacrificing so much time with my DC when they're still so young.

I'd take the higher paid job. My children have enjoyed the benefits of my higher earnings - language lessons, horse riding lessons, private therapy for an inherited condition, private dentistry and medical care, extra school coaching, support during a very long and expensive degree course and travel. Although they don't know it yet they will each get a house deposit in a few years. I think they are happy with the trade off that I was there less in the evenings.

For most people it's not so easy to just pick up your career again.

Lots of people, particularly women, end up sacrificing their careers which has a massive impact on them for the entire rest of their lives, long after the kids have grown up and moved on with their own lives.

Why did you apply for these jobs if you weren't sure you were going to take them? I appreciate you are young and naive but that is incredibly selfish. The cost of a recruitment process is huge to a company and, if they get to offer stage and the candidate turns it down they have wasted all that time and money. Please think BEFORE you apply, not after. Let's hope your selfish behaviour does not come back to bite you.

Given you say you're struggling financially, I think you ought to think carefully about what each job will do for you for the future as well as now. Kids with two working parents do as well as kids with a mum who stays home. But kids from poorer families don't do as well as kids from more well off ones. Don't think the only thing you can "do" for your kids is be with them physically as much as possible. Providing for them financially is a huge responsibility that I think is glossed over a bit on MN.

I would take the job that would seem most likely to lead to financial stability in the long term providing it also covered the bills enough to make it through the now.

What a ridiculous comment! The exact terms of employment are not always evident before getting to the latter stages of the process.

Are you a single parent? If not, can your partner reduce hours? If your DP could do 4 days a week, would your increased wage from the better paid job cover the difference ?

It sounds like the higher paid job would be long term best for the family, if your DP could take on the primary carer role for a few years that would make your whole family more secure.

I'd take the lower paid job and have time with your kids.

@Obbydoo People apply for multiple jobs all the time. An interview sometimes reveals the job is not quite what you want. Equally the employer may have a better candidate apply. There is nothing selfish about considering your options.

@Obbydoo
I am currently applying for a job that is completely unsuitable, in the hope that they will offer some flexibility. It's not selfish and should I be offered the job but they are unable to consider revising the terms, they can offer the job to their second preferred candidate.

You're saying "we" so I assume you have a live-in co-parent? Why is he not reducing hours for childcare/school runs? (Wild guess that it's a he.)

What does "support to do a degree" actually mean? Would you be given study time? Would that be enough study time or would you also need to use up your evenings? Would they be paying the fees?

As someone else said, at your age it's unlikely that there won't be opportunities in the future. If the lower salary would be enough for current needs, I'd be inclined to go for that.

I would and did take the higher paid role. One of my kids is an adult and I don’t regret it at all.

but a lot depends on the circumstances you haven’t posted about. Like is there a partner? what hours does he/she do, how likely is it that he will take on responsibility etc

Is the relationship a happy and equal one? If not and it might end you need to think about that etc

I would not take the higher paid job. You would miss out on so much precious time with your dcs. 50 hours in childcare is way too much in my opinion.
I can't imagine never picking my kids up from school and only briefly seeing them in an evening before bedtime every week day.

Also think about school holidays, is there a generous annual leave package?

Take the higher paid job and ask for flexible working if possible. Eg 1-2 days per week from home and 7am - 3.30pm instead of 9am-5.30pm

I'd go for the better paying job with better prospects. I was in a similar situation when my two were young. My DH was able to cut his hours so he was there for them. We have a much better life now and have been able to move to a fantastic location due to my job. My kids have so many more opportunities now.

If you can sort the childcare, take the better paid job. Financial security gives children a huge advantage.

As the saying goes, 'no one ever said on their death bed, 'I wish I'd worked more''. Life is short and no money in the world can compensate for lack of quality time.

Sure, the extra money will likely come in handy but then are you going to be too tired to even enjoy it? Would the new employer consider flexible working? If not, personally I'd go for the lower paid job and pursue something like this when the kids are a bit more independent. By the way, I'd say this to a man just as much as I'd say it to a woman.

I would take the longer hours one. You need the money and providing financially for children is a big thing, they will want to do activities in the future and with the cost of living rising quickly (which likely won't come down for ages) could you afford to pay for that based on the lower paid job?

Take the better paid job.

Yes, your children are small for a really short time and you probably have 40 years of working life ahead of you.

This job could be a spring board for you to earn much more money and be far more comfortable for those 40 years. If you turn down this opportunity you might not get another equivalent one and your earning potential could be negatively affected for the next 4 decades as a result, long after your kids have grown bigger and more independent.

Your kids probably won't remember exactly how much time you were at home when they were 2. But they will appreciate things like you being able to afford holidays when they are 12 and driving lessons when they are 17.

I was recently stuck in a low paying job whilst my children were young. I took a leap and a higher paid job back in my field on engineering. The hours were long and I had all kinds of guilty feelings but 6 months in when they were happy with my performance etc I negotiated a drop in hours which is very flexible, fits in with pre-school/nursery drop offs etc.

Another one for the lower paid role definitely

THIS. Absolutely this.

I bet your husband wouldn't consider taking a lower paid job...

Women continue to disadvantage themselves careerwise, and many end up as single parents in middle age, struggling to make ends meet because they are stuck in low paying jobs without any prospect for career progression.

It's unfortunate that a woman's childraising years coincide with the crucial years for climbing the professional ladder, but I'd think hard before tossing away this opportunity.

I worked a job with those hours and did a degree when my children were at primary school. No regrets at all, and I hope it gave the DC a good example, both are now successful in their careers.

I think to take the lower-paid job would send a poor message to a DD, if you have one.

Is there any scope for your partner to decrease their hours?

Without knowing more about your setup it's impossible to say, but I've seen many stories on here and in real life of women who take a step back and massively regret it in later life when it's hard to get a role which pays more than minimum wage. Is there a compromise you can make between the two roles?

Think carefully about the long term as well as the short.

Can your DH flex and do pick ups etc? I would take the higher paid job.

It is not just about the wage, which will probably be spent o childcare, it is about pension, future earning potential etc.

If you can grow your income now, there might be other opportunities later on to work flexibly at a good rate.