To wonder what's going wrong with our finances!?

[pondering12345]

In the process of moving to a joint account with DH, so using this opportunity to review our monthly finances:

Income
DH take home pay £2600
My take home pay (part time) £1075
Child benefit £145
Total income £3820

Expenses
DH car loan £270
My car loan £160
Mortgage £645
Water £60
Gas and electric £250
Home insurance £15
Broadband £25
Council tax £190
DH credit card £110 (we each use our own credit card for any purchases for ourselves and pay off the following month)
My credit card £100
My phone £35
DH phone £35
DH car tax £20
TV license £15
Zoo membership £20
Apple Music subscription £15
DH contact lenses £40
DH haircut £15
My haircut £20 (£60 every 3 months)
My nails £30
Window cleaner £15
DH petrol £100
My petrol £100
Food £450
Takeaways (one per week) £150
Kids hobbies & swimming £100
Date night £50
Disposable income £500
Total expenses £3535

This leaves less than £300 per month to put towards tonnes of other expenses - annual car insurance, gifts, Christmas, holidays, kids clothes, home and car maintenance etc.

Where are we going wrong here!? I don't feel like we live a particularly lavish lifestyle.

Obviously there are plenty of savings OP could make if she wanted to but I’m finding it funny how many people are telling her to cut her own hair and stop buying coffees just because her lifestyle sounds ‘lavish’. It’s not a crime to spend your money and enjoy it if that’s what you want to do. I always find it a bit sad when people have tonnes of money and all they ever want to do is save/invest it indefinitely and never spend any of it on anything nice or fun. That’s probably why I‘ll never be rolling in it though, I’ll happily spend money if I can afford it and it makes my life more fun and/or easier in some way!

The issue is - coffee for example - is great if it’s with friends and you have a catch up and a chat - what’s not fine is grabbing a coffee to take home when you have coffee in the cupboards - that’s just lazy.

Take out - again fine if you are having a celebration, watching a cup final, have friends round, what’s not fine is grabbing a takeout because you can’t be bothered with what’s in the fridge - it’s wasteful.

Same with nails - fine if it’s a special occasion - but all year? Pointless.

Zoo subscription - I’d have to live in the zoo to pay £20 a month - that’s £240 a year - at what point is it ‘worth it’?

It’s seeing these things as ‘normal’ that’s costing people a lot of money and they pay it happily without thinking longer term.

You must both be on a salary of about £150k each.

and you would find running two cars, wearing contact lenses, going to the hairdresser and having a window cleaner as extravagant?

that seems to be close to an issue - Do you struggle to spend money on anything?

have your poem to anyone about your attitude to money?

It's possibly just what's important to @Kfjsjdbd to spend money on. It varies so much from person to person

We have a very high income and I'd consider quite a lot of the OPs spending to be lavish. I'd never spend that much on grooming or eating out no matter what I earned and I'm partial to a home hair cut for all the family. DH has recently been getting new contact lenses and has shopped around for the best deals, and we buy almost all clothes second hand. That said, we have a very high value car owned outright, a mortgage several times the size of the OPs plus childcare, cleaner etc. Those are the things that are important to us to spend our money on.

Ultimately it doesn't matter what I, or anyone else, spends their money on I guess. It's up to the OP to make changes if she wants to save more and it sounds like she is willing to. Set yourself a target and go for it OP - good luck!

@Mellowyellow222 my salary is slightly north of £100k. DH earns rather more in his twilight years and rather less than in his late 30s/40s/early 50s. I said in an earlier post that I spend £150ish pm on hair, make-up, perfume and about the same on clothes but at 62 I need it . We don't however have car loans and never have - in my 40s I had a Citroën Picasso and in my 50s a Ford Smax - u til they died - expensive phones, takeaways, etc, and we certainly never had a zoo subscription or annual pass to the things that provided Chessington, Legoland, Madame Tussauds, because it would have spoilt the dc and stopped it being a treat. When the London Museums charged we did have a £25 pa season ticket and frankly they have been less pleasurable since they stopped charging.

Our house is paid for, the DC have left home, our pensions are bursting but I still would not spend money on acrylic/gel nails or PCPs. Might have a hand/foot massage and manicure/pedicure once a flood.

Our biggest expenses now are our home in France, household upkeep and that does include a window cleaner, the DC's weddings, holidays the grown-up children and their quest for quals and DH's wankmobile (paid for, not on contract).

@Kfjsjdbd I completely get you. DH was brought up in relative poverty and still keeps a daily tally of spends. I would rather go to Covent Garden and Glyndebourne once a year than fritter on nails and date nights. I take a coffee in the car regularly rather than splurge £2.60 on the way to work or when I get there. When I meet girlfriends which I do at least monthly we meet at home for supper, in turn. A good bottle of wine can be had for £10; a really good bottle for £25. None of us would pay the mark-up in a restaurant. DD and I sometimes have a quick supper in Bill's. It irks me every time that a large glass of pint is £7.95!

Re what we do for others - we have a trust set up at the dc's former cofe primary to ensure every child can have music lessons and hire an instrument and also cover the cost of trips for those who can't afford it. DH has founded a scheme with the Met to take deprived (ghastly word) dc to sporting and cultural events.

@RosesAndHellebores much better to spend money on a second home in France, rather than depreciating assets and things you don’t actually need! Lovely. And will save on holiday costs too!

On another note I spend about £140 on my hair 3-4 times a year… I actually thought this wasn’t too far away from average…. Does everyone else have short hair and not colour?!

But that doesn't make OP's spending more "lavish" than yours. As you say, it's just different spends. If haircuts, manicures and takeaways are "lavish", how can an expensive car, large house and cleaner somehow not be?

@Robinni at nearly 62 and with a full on professional job I consider spending on my hair an essential - whilst I will rant at anytime of mysogyny it helps not to be a grey haired lady. Gosh it irks me to say that. When I had a 1 year old and 4 year old I could yank it into a knot, add mascara and lippy and job done . Alas no more.

Short hair requires more maintenance.

@RosesAndHellebores I feel it’s an essential too. Without colour mine is limp and bedraggled!! But I can’t colour often as it’s long.

What is coming out on this thread is that people can have very different priorities.

@ReneBumsWombats Long hair cuts and colour are more expensive. I’m wondering how people get away with £16 - 25

If haircuts, manicures and takeaways are "lavish", how can an expensive car, large house and cleaner somehow not be?

My thoughts exactly @ReneBumsWombats. Plus someone with a cleaner and childcare might potentially have a lot more time and energy to cook in the evening whereas someone who is run off their feet all day doing all the childcare/housework alone might find that getting a Friday takeaway instead of cooking is the only thing that gives them a bit of breathing space and downtime after a long week. I’m massively generalising of course but I do find it galling when well-off people get smug and judgy about this kind of stuff without recognising that they’re comparing two vastly different lifestyles.

@RosesAndHellebores i agree on grooming for work. I get a regular haircut and have a smart work wardrobe. Don’t go into big labels for handbags or clothes - but like to be smart and classic.

it’s also down to personal taste. I don’t like acrylic or gel nails.

I have a good salary, but drive a fully paid for car that is about six years old. My money goes into my pension, savings and overpaying my mortgage. But I also have a window cleaner, buy the odd take out, takeaway coffees, meals out etc. I pay for contact lenses.

I think people can be very judgemental, dismissing OP’s lifestyle as lavish when it really isn’t.

There are areas she could cut back on - but life is short on and we all determine our own priorities and lifestyle. Scoffing at offers brocade they value different things is crazy (I realise that is not what you are doing, but some on this thread are being a bit holier than thou!).

My hairdresser charges £17 for a dry cut on my long hair. Would be more if I wanted it blow dried or styled, which I might do sometimes, but there's no particular need. And I don't colour it, though I appreciate that may change as I get older.

@Robinni I spend about the same as you or possibly even a bit more, every 3-4 months. It’s worth every penny, I absolutely love my hair and it’s one of the things people always notice and comment on when they meet me. It makes me smile every day so I reckon that’s money well spent!

I spent many years getting dry trims or cutting it myself, maybe doing the occasional box dye, and one day I realised my hair just looked like absolute shit. Some people can get away with it and look amazing but sadly once I reached my mid 30s I realised I was no longer one of them!

I have short curly hair which goes it's own way so waste of time having it blow dried, I also don't have colour as it gives me an itchy scalp, so I have a trim every 6-8 weeks which is £25

I think people can be very judgemental, dismissing OP’s lifestyle as lavish when it really isn’t

It's not lavish - but it's probably a lot better than the 'average' family in the UK.

And when the OP asks 'what's going wrong with her finances' and details her £500 a month disposable income as well as her £300 a month in savings.

There are plenty of ways she can save more money - as has been described clearly in this thread.

But I do think that the lifestyle is probably an 'above' average lifestyle if you were to look at families across the entire UK.

They’d maybe benefit from looking at how the OP’s family are able to do better rather than the OP learning from them.

I think so too. The income itself is quite close to the middle but the housing costs are fairly low for people in that age bracket and no childcare costs either. So there's more room for disposable income. There'll be people who are earning quite a bit more who still have less after essential bills.

I'm sure the OP appreciates that they have an income that many can only dream about. It doesn't mean they can't ask for advice on how to improve their personal situation.

But that doesn't make OP's spending more "lavish" than yours. As you say, it's just different spends. If haircuts, manicures and takeaways are "lavish", how can an expensive car, large house and cleaner somehow not be?

My choices of spending are lavish! Just as the choices of others seem lavish to me. I am fortunate enough to spend £50 a week on a cleaner, but if someone without a cleaner spent £50 on say, alcohol or eating out or clothes or grooming I would consider that lavish, as those are things I don't want to 'waste' money on. I appreciate it's not a waste to those who want those things.

It's just different ways of spending disposable income that could be cut back on in order to save.

Instead of takeaways why don't you do the meal deals from supermarkets? Or a takeaway? Do your own nails. Maybe buy a gel kit. I think keep date nights and the zoo and kids clubs and have a look at the other stuff you could enjoy cheaper.

That's not what they asked though

"This leaves less than £300 per month to put towards tonnes of other expenses - annual car insurance, gifts, Christmas, holidays, kids clothes, home and car maintenance etc.
Where are we going wrong here!? I don't feel like we live a particularly lavish lifestyle"

She also has the £500 disposable income per month on that.

It all comes down to what the individual thinks is important. DH and I are on holiday at the moment, UK, self catering. When we're away, we like to go to a pub after a day out - have a glass of wine and a packet of crisps in a nice pub garden or, in colder months, in front of a nice fire. Today's round cost over £15. We won't be doing it again because we can buy a couple of bottles of wine and a family bag of crisps for way less, and sit in the lovely garden of the cottage we're staying in.

Similarly, we take a picnic and a flask and have lunch in a beautiful place, by a river or on a hillside with a stunning view rather than spending £££££ on a cafe lunch. It means we can (could 😁) afford more holidays, which are important to us.

Honestly life is too short. There is no point restricting yourself too much for a tomorrow that is not guaranteed.

Eat the cake, buy the shoes etc...

Similarly, we take a picnic and a flask and have lunch in a beautiful place, by a river or on a hillside with a stunning view rather than spending £££££ on a cafe lunch.

I love nice restaurants but I'm also a massive fan of a nice picnic. I think it's because I have so many happy childhood picnic memories. Make yourself some top notch sandwiches and enjoy the fresh air and lovely view rather than a mediocre lunch in a mediocre restaurant.