To hate the small talk at the school gates?

[Allyellow1]

I’m quite social really and have a good group of friends, however, I really hate the small talk at school and can’t wait to get away? Anybody else feel this way?

They're probably just trying to make conversation!

Before my DC went to school? No. I made a group of mum friends from our children being in the same class.

I've made some great friends from the school run

The friends I have met haven’t been through small talk. Usually meaningful conversation with same interests etc

It’s fine if you do it, I’m not judging I’m just saying that I find it difficult, I also wondered if they thought I was miserable as I didn’t take part much. Nothing wrong with small talk if you like it, I just don’t?

I'm not sure its about liking small talk, it's just something I see as part of life and leads to better things

But I loathe small talk. I honestly hate it. I never know what to say. I feel awkward. But I wanted friends being new to the area, so I put myself out there (found it very uncomfortable). Started with my DC’s best friend’s mum who thankfully can talk for England and it just went from there. Someone suggested a night out, and that was it. Now I’m very thankful I have them in my life.

Your not unreasonable. My child is nearly finishing year one , I’ve tried small talk with a couple mums but they never approach me and some I’ve chatted to at parties have looked through me the next day so now I think f* them ! We have a whattsapp which is usually flooded with a lot of messages over a simple subject but one mum did let it slip by ‘ accident ‘ how there is another whattsapp group that obviously we aren’t all invited too! No thanks

What utter bollocks!

All friendships began with small talk!!

If you just and sit next to someone on the bus and start talking about your love of classical music then you're the weirdo here, not the parents at the school gate who politely ask how you are and what you're up to at the weekend!! Jeez!

I’ve always arrived on time so I don’t loiter around and stood away from everyone else because I can’t stand it either.

I also find this totally bizarre. There's not a day that goes by without some angst-ridden post about "school gate mums" as if they were some weird species which is different from the rest of society and whose primary role it to engender paranoia. I literally don't give it any thought.

As you say "school gate mums" are just women. They are no different from colleagues or people at your hobby or people standing in the queue for the GP or the butchers.

Is this a misogyny thing? I can't remember the last time someone tipped up her to say: "I really hate making small talk with my colleagues" or "why do my colleagues make me feel anxious?" It's really perplexing.

Small talk is a valuable social ritual to make those around us feel comfortable. I see it as a social service we perform for each other, and also a way of testing the waters to see if you have anything deeper in common with the person you are speaking to and therefore whether you might develop the relationship further. Isn't that how dating someone starts? Making friends isn't that different from dating.

Small talk is also by its nature inclusive. Anyone can join in, which is not the position if you're discussing deeper philosophical issues or specialised topics. People go up hugely in my estimation when they take time out from their established interests and topics of conversation to put newcomers or outsiders at ease by engaging them in small talk and therefore drawing them into the circle. It's a sign of good manners and consideration for those around you.

@CrispieCake

People go up hugely in my estimation when they take time out from their established interests and topics of conversation to put newcomers or outsiders at ease by engaging them in small talk and therefore drawing them into the circle.

Totally agree with this. It's a really important life skill.

Being good at small talk doesn't preclude you from being intelligent. You can be an expert in quantum physics and still be able to chat about the weather.

People who say they can't stand small talk because its not sufficiently intellectual etc are usually self-absorbed bores who want to be able to steer the conversation to their exact needs all the time.

Don't bother doing it then.

This seems to be another mumsnet thing. It really isn't as big a deal as it's made put to be. Yabu.