To hate the small talk at the school gates?

[Allyellow1]

I’m quite social really and have a good group of friends, however, I really hate the small talk at school and can’t wait to get away? Anybody else feel this way?

Small talk is a life skill like being able to swim or to boil an egg. Not absolutely essential but desirable, makes life easier and may take some practice.

Have a couple of topics/questions in your head ready, in case you run out of things to say.

That's so much snobbery about school mums on this board (not saying that you're being snobbish OP, but there's a hint of it in some responses).

There seem to be a lot of MNers who see themselves as 'better than' any of the mums who actually have friends that they stand with and chat to at the gate.

I've been both the mum with chance to chat to friends, and the drop and run mum. I just don't really get the 'othering' of the (presumably SAHM) groups at the gate.

I'm rubbish at small talk, but as in every other area of life, it greases the wheels of social relationships, and when you need support or a favour, the results are worth it.

I don’t think it makes me a snob that I struggle with it?

I think it depends on the group. Dd1's class were always friendly, welcoming & inclusive and small talk with them is pleasurable.
Dd2's class is a bit more cliquey. I tend to smile, say hi, hover in the background & only participate if it's particularly interesting but I only do it 1x per week coz mine are in breakfast & asc normally.

Ours is literally an information exchange.

"Evie's party is on the 25th, everyone invited, any food allergies?"

"Billy's come home with Tommy's jumper on, will send it back in the book bag tomorrow"

"Is it non uniform on Friday?"

What is there to be judgemental about?

I’m a real extravert but don’t enjoy the chat at the school gates - I find it awkward as the school mums while nice enough just aren’t my cup of tea. They have different interests so the only thing we have in common is a child the same age. Awkwardly my daughters main school friends are not in her class so when I’m lining up outside her classroom I don’t have much to say to them.
A lot of the class went to the attached nursery and sorted mums were friends from that or baby groups. I try not to let it bother me - when my sisters have collected my daughter they’ve said they can see why I don’t have much in common with the other mums.
I’ve got other local friends I have more in common with .

Yeah, it's tedious and boring.

I tend to stand away from people now & not give a shit about being in the 'anti-social bastards club', as a fellow parent calls us.

I'd rather be looked on as stuffy, snobby or socially awkward than be in the high-pitched giggle & loud whisper society of doom!

And before I get told I'm being 'jealous', I have a group of fab school Mum friends. They also think the place is riddled with gossipy twunts and swerve the place as much as possible tho 😁

Then don't.

I find it pretty easy to avoid when I'm not feeling social. Just stand away from everyone else.

I just don't do it. I stand back and don't interact.
It's quite easy to avoid.

I hate it too, but am also an introvert. Some people I just click with and can talk to them all day, but the vast majority of people I really struggle to make small talk with. It feels painful! As autism runs in my family I do wonder if this is my problem, as my brain and mouth do not seem to be well connected at all.

At school I get there as late as possible and try and smile and say hello but I don't usually stand with someone and talk. There seem to be a lot of mums who do similar so it's more the norm thankfully.

Oooh, that was me when my daughter started reception. Judge away!

I'm not a huge fan of school gates chat either. I'm an introvert with social anxiety so that has a lot to do with it but also I just have no desire to chat to people I don't really know. I've found that a lot of the girls' mums like to stand and chat to each other but the boys' mums prefer the solitude! There's only one woman I talk to who has a child in the same year as DS but even then it's only once a month or so. Thank goodness it's almost summer!

Yanbu. I was never keen either. It always seemed a bit cliquey and too many people having fun excluding other people or trying to outdo each other with clothes or holidays.
And there was lots of drama-fuelled gossip.

As a working mum who dropped off and ran it was quite easy to avoid though.

what's app groups are handy for tracking down the owners of random spare sports kit and sharing cover on snow days. 🤗

I hated the school run with a passion. I was new to a town where everyone grew up together, everyone was connected or related. I never knew where to stand or where to look. I'd try and time it bang on the bell but was always awkwardly waiting. I remember when a new girl started and I thought right, here's my chance to make a mum friend, she'll be in the same boat as me. Made a bee line for her only to discover she grew up here and knew everyone, I got ditched by day 2. I did finally connect with 2 other mums but the sheer relief by year 5 when it was all over was amazing and i could drop him outside. I pick DS up from secondary school now and it's infinitely easier as I just wait in the car.

Same here - it’s very useful. I really don’t understand why you would object to a group containing most/ all the parents in your child’s class where you can ask questions like ‘is PE today or tomorrow?’

It depends who I'm stood next to. I don't mind a bit of small talk but sometimes I can't be arsed and probably appear rude. But it's unavoidable, I've got 4 kids in school now ( 3 in primary) so that's my life for the foreseeable future.

I don't like tripe, playing bridge, and vodka. So I just stay away from them.

The class whatsapp group is handy. Jack has lost his swimming cap but Jill's mum has a spare. Kelly lost her cardigan and it ended up in Emily's bag. Don't forget it's forest school tomorrow and we need wellies, shit yes I forgot completely thank you. That kind of thing.

Don't chat if you don't want to. I fail to see why this is so angsty. You don't need to have something in common with people for 5 minutes a day as you wait for the bell. Either say "miserable day, hope they didn't get wet socks at lunchtime" or linger behind playing on your phone. But, sometimes people at pick up are lonely, with no support, and a friendly smile and "did ava enjoy the party at the weekend?" can make someone's day a lot brighter.

I've found that a lot of the girls' mums like to stand and chat to each other but the boys' mums prefer the solitude!

This is so weird. Its like sexism by proxy or something. What about people who have one (or more) of each?

I just don’t want that level of contact. It’s like people having a direct line to me - I don’t like it. I don’t even like many people having my phone number.

I home educate now so no one will be adding me to any class WhatsApps!

You'd judge someone for setting up a WhatsApp group? How weird.

Hate is rather strong. I dislike small talk but its not really hate, just prefer not to.
My baseline is "what is the purpose of this conversation? what am I getting or giving to someone from having this chat?"
If its some intellectual/thought provoking conversation then great. If its mentioning the weather, your child or your latest holiday I'd prefer not to hear about it.