To hate the small talk at the school gates?

[Allyellow1]

I’m quite social really and have a good group of friends, however, I really hate the small talk at school and can’t wait to get away? Anybody else feel this way?

So many threads complaining about ‘school mums’ but I don’t think I’ve ever seen one about how awful it is to have to make small talk with work colleagues (complaining about individuals yes but not sweeping generalisations and strategies to avoid talking to anyone).
What’s so terrible about, “Hi, nice to see a bit of sun, did you do anything nice over half term?” or whatever chitchat that gets people so riled? And do ‘cliques’ just mean people being friends with each other? Maybe I’m missing something but all the parents at our school just seem normal.

Awww it will be over in a few short years (unless you have loads of kids I guess). From year 5 onwards ours went on their own and by secondary you are frankly an embarrassment and will never cross paths with another parent again.

In the book ‘Watching the English’, the author describes small talk as a way of saying ‘I am friendly and willing to chat, are you?, which I thought was a good way of describing it. I don’t just want to chat about the weather or weekend plans or other child/ school-related stuff, it’s just that’s a good way of starting a conversation with another parent I don’t know that well.

And having been that new person who wanted to meet people at the school gates, it’s depressing to read that people would have ‘hated’ my attempts at starting a conversation.

I must be strange lol, I kinda like the small talk at school simply because they're the only people I see to have a small and simple exchange with. It's not a massive conversation but sometimes it handy to get info on like little after school activities or summer clubs etc as I'm not on social media so I kinda rely on other parents talking about it. It lifts my spirits if someone finds 2 mins to say hello to me or stop to talk. If I'm not feeling sociable it's easy to avoid by just saying hello and walking on or wait in the car until most parents are gone and then lift little one. I definitely wouldn't say I despise it.
I realise I must sound incredibly sad!

I never did it. I'm not a snob though, I'm autistic.

Look on the bright side, it won't last forever, when DC's go to high school you'll probably never see them again, or have to do the school gate thing!

I didn't mind it but then I'm good at chatting crap!

I have ASD and it exhausts me too. Once I was diagnosed, I felt free to stop forcing myself to make an effort back and now I just stand away and don't make eye contact.

I usually get there about a minute before they are released and within the window for dropping off (so drop and go). Nothing to do with small talk or otherwise - I have a very impatient toddler who can't stand it when the buggy is stationary and I'm not willing to risk him rampaging about the playground!! Just time it so you're not hanging about and job done.

I moved to a new area, kids in Y2 and Y4. Thank God for the school gates (actually the school playground as that's where we waited). If I hadn't started chatting to some of the fellow mums I wouldn't have made any friends. Now I have half a dozen really good mates. Our kids have all gone their separate ways but we still meet up.

As someone who has just moved towns and is a new person at the school gate this just makes me sad. Small Talk is the gateway to getting to know people.

I have plenty of friends outside school but yes I do want to make small talk and get to know the fellow parents. I don't want to spend the next 4 years in silence dropping my kids off and never exchanging a word with the other mums and dad's

Surely it's a really important part of a school community thst parents at least learn the names of a few others and smile and have some conversation over the years

Having done thus all already at our last school I made some life long friends. But even if you don't want that surely yoi can see why ira a good thing

But how do you start getting to know people in the first place?

It's just a general observation that I've noticed about the parents in DS's very small class. All the chatty mums are the ones with girls. I have no idea if they all know each other from elsewhere or nursery days.

I hated it too, OP. Mine are at secondary now and I was just thinking yesterday how bloody relieved I am not to have to do that any more. It's hard to explain why I hated it quite so much but it's something to do with it never being a real conversation about anything proper. I'd have a go and it would always come out wrong i.e. either sound insincere or massively intense - it always felt as if there were rules of engagement that I didn't know about and was consistently getting wrong.

Just anecdotally, I have girls and am particularly crap at small talk

Purpleparrotfish - completely agree, people rarely come on here complaining about having to talk to colleagues, mums at school gates are just people

To be honest, when I worked this annoyed me as well. The pointless meetings, empty small talk etc. I just don’t like talking to people.

Burgoo - blimey, they're harsh rules for a conversation, you only talk to someone if you are benefitting in some way?! all relationships have to start somewhere

Forestfae - you've come to the wrong planet then

Yes, unfortunately a lot of other tend to be more social than I am. It’s quite easy to avoid though so it doesn’t really bother me!

I hate small talk, I'm glad where we live we just roll up in our cars for drop off and pick up, no convo needed. 😂

I think the angst is all in your own head. If you hate it, don't do it. Plenty of parents stand looking at their phone at drop off or pick up time. Nobody's judging if you don't want to talk.

For me it was really helpful as I was in a new area and knew nobody. It was sometimes my only chance to speak to someone all day!

Weather children and holiday chat is how people get to know each other !

There's probably about half a dozen people I can squeeze a conversation out of.

Some are miserable to the point where being cheerful at them is the only grown up response.

Some of them could quite happily be pushed into the spiky pit of tossers (tm).

Yeah I see what you mean, you always have to start somewhere it's just that the school gates always felt a particularly hard place to do that because you're always arriving or leaving, there's so much going on etc and because you don't necessarily have anything in common bar the fact that you have kids of a similar age whereas if you're meeting people through some kind of hobby group / sport or whatever then you know that you're going to have a certain amount of shared interest or if you are at school / work there's generally the chance to get to know each other over a longer period. Also there's the fact that a lot of parents are obsessed with their kids (I"m sure we've all been guilty of it at times) and it's really hard to get them to talk about anything else, particularly at the school gates