AIBU to have told DS he can ignore teacher on this one?

[OverExpectantParent]

DS is Yr6, has SN and a 1:1TA 6 lessons a week.
After reluctance to go to school, he finally said why. Yr3 teacher is ill and his TA is covering for her. He has been told he will have to go into the Yr3 classroom for his maths lesson today.

I told him he didn't have to, he could ask to do his work in the corridor or stay in his classroom. That I will back him on refusing to go into the Yr 3 classroom, but he must do his work. He's worried the Yr 3's will laugh at him and ask why he's there 🙁
AIBU to have told him that?

YABU to have told him this. If you weren’t happy with the proposed arrangement you should have spoken to the TA/headteacher. Telling your so. To just ignore instructions you/he don’t like is not a good lesson.

I can understand why he doesn’t like the idea but this wasn’t the way to deal with it.

I don't think you can unilaterally decide what happens in a school. You can ask.

Yes, you should be negotiating with the school not encouraging him to refuse to do as he’s asked. Is he likely to be disruptive if left in his own class?

Surely they can’t use one of his hard won 1:1 hours for this? Surely they borrow her and give him the hour another time.

No, you're the parent, you do it.

I would also phone the school to explain that he was worried about coming to school and the reason why. My daughter has 1:1 for a few hours, she would be distraught but wouldn't say anything about it in school.

Actually teaching him to politely refuse and advocate for himself is a very good idea. Ask the school what their preferred approach for him to achieve this is.

I agree with others. You're not wrong to dislike the idea, I think it's pretty shitty of the school, but you're his parent you should be the one to complain and refuse not him.

You need to speak to the school, not expect your DC to do it. I would be pointing out that this is not 1 to 1, so they are not providing the agreed provision. But, yes, unreasonable to expect your child to do the negotiation.

I think this is a bit different though. I want my son to be able to stand up for himself but I think expecting him to refuse instructions from his teachers as a 'life lesson' is a shitty position to put him in.

By all means I'd be happy for him to explain to his teacher why he doesn't like the idea and I'd encourage that if he felt able but I'm his parent, it's up to me at this small age imo, to fight these kinds of battles on his behalf rather than putting him in what could end up an awkward and upsetting position for him.

If the TA is covering for the year 3 teacher, how is your son going to be supervised, if he's not in the classroom?

Why would you do that? He had a clear instruction to follow and you have muddied the waters.

You are not helping him.

You are being ridiculous.

Not on at all from the school (teacher here) you need to ring them and ask what acceptable alternative provision they are providing. I wouldn't just leave it to your son - children find it difficult to advocate for themselves and you'll probably get a better solution by ringing.

Does your son have an EHCP that says he has six hours a week dedicated 1:1 support?

If so, you need to contact the school to point out politely that they are not legally entitled to use his 1:1 time for the TA to teach another class, and that to make him work in a Y3 class because he has SEN is discriminatory and unlawful. Ask them what they propose to do to avoid these problems. If they won't play ball, tell them you will with regret have to take this up with the LA, who are entitled to know if the school is not using the funds given to them for their intended purpose, and also with the governors, and that you don't want to have to make a disability discrimination claim but are being left with no alternative.

Even if he doesn't have this clearly specified in an EHCP, the disability discrimination issue is still highly relevant so you need to take that up with the school.

Because the school is effectively proposing to take away the support to which he is entitled and is breaking the law?

I'm not sure what you think the school can do in an emergency like this. Send all the other children home? That would be ridiculous.

I don't think yabu at all. I would have told him not to worry about it that you would sort it out and then I would contact the school and tell him that your son wasn't comfortable with that arrangement

Does your son have an EHCP that says he has six hours a week dedicated 1:1 support?

yes.

Is he likely to be disruptive if left in his own class?
no, he's never disruptive. He would either literally do nothing or read a book instead. The class teacher often says he forgets about him.

I found out too late to call the staff. He has a doctor's appointment and then refused to get out the car. By the time he told me, lessons had already started so I couldn't call as both teachers would be teaching. That's why I said he could ask to work into he corridor or stay in his classroom and that I would back him if he didn't want to go into the Yr3 room.

@TheOneWithTheEyeBags which is exactly why I suggested contacting the school and asking them what he is supposed to do in this situation. Some children could learn to say a set phrase, some to write a note, some hold up a card, some to request you look at what has been written in the home school book. Children without SEN have many options to refuse to consent to situations that are distressing to them. All children need to be taught what is and isn’t acceptable or they will find their own ways of achieving their goals.

They should have procedures in place that don't involve breaking the law. For example, using a TA who is not funded under an EHCP that specifies 1:1 support, or contacting a supply agency. What would they have done, for instance, if OP's son's TA hadn't been conveniently available?

Couldn't you have called the Head or the Senco?

I don[t blame him for not wanting to do that. I understand the timing wasn´t great, but could you have gone in with him when you dropped him off (and found out) and spoken to someone then?

However the biggest issue is, if your son has this person as a 1:1 and they are teaching another class, even if he is in the Y3 classroom with her, it[s still no loner a 1:1 is it, it is more like a 30:1, in which case he might as well stay in his own classroom. He is gaining nothing by going into the Y3 classroom with her.

If he only has 6 hours a week, could they allocate him another hour instead, or is it specific lessons he has a 1:1 for? My son also has a 1:1 who is full time, and occasionally she will be needed for other kids in the school who have a 1:1 but with more severe needs than my son and I don`t make too much of a fuss, because he can cope for an hour on his own and there is also another TA in the classroom, so they can step in if necessary.

But I would definitely be having a word anyway, even after the event, as that set up isn`t providing 1:1 support either way.

sorry for terrible typing and random formatting....

Will he be working with his 1:1 TA?

It sounds like he needs to go in the yr3 class as they’re short staffed and the yr3s are doing similar work to him.
So if that’s the case he obviously can’t do it on his own in the corridor.

If this was secondary school then I’d say YANBU as they can be quite nasty about these things but I very much doubt year 3s are going to bully him over this and they’ll just be told he needs to catch up on work he’s missed.
It will hopefully give him some more confidence too as they’ll all be at a similar level than him unlike the year 6 class.

I work in a school which does not have year groups and are based on ability only and there is no bullying or anything. Of course this is the norm for them so it’s different.